He'll just go back to paying attention to the cat that's determinedly trying to gnaw his thumb to bits, shaking his hand free and reaching for a nearby toy so he can run it across the ground and attract the cat's attention to a New Thing. There it goes, in stalking mode...]
That makes sense. [Even with his nasty tangle of vibes, there's still a strong pulse of affection, warmth, adoration as he thinks of Nadia and looking after her.]
Even after attending to Nadia, I don’t know what young girls like or what they would feel most comforted hearing. I also don’t know how to be gentle enough while also delivering the truth. You and I are inherently different that way.
[ but his emotions are reflective. quiet. the cat purrs against his attention, and scien lingers in that spot and the kitty melts against his touch.
data points.
every little indicator is a data point that he can take in and adjust his behavior to best lead to someone else’s contentment. to see someone with clear, straightforward eyes and provide his version of care from there. ]
… but she felt like she had no one else. So I could not turn her away. She asked me for my help before she even became a monster, and wanted to know what she could do in return.
But making children pay to be helped is nonsense.
So I had to change the shape of my help. And I decided that even if I possess no natural gift for caretaking, I would learn it.
Maybe if he were in a better mood, it'd be something he'd feel a bit amused by. That even after spending time with Nadia, who makes herself well known so easily, he still had no idea how to go about interacting with a young girl.
Instead, he just feels another twist of something like nostalgia. He watches Scien's cat enjoy being spoiled for a moment, though his attention's drawn away pretty swiftly by his own, a little ball of energy hopping to and fro in an attempt to pin down the toy. There's a tiny flicker of a smile, there and gone.]
Caretakers often don't have a natural aptitude. [That would imply every parent was born good at it, which they certainly aren't.] It's more dependent on the willingness to learn and improve, and the amount of time a person spends doing so. [...] I hope that Kate felt looked after, if nothing else.
[Something soft and concerned surfaces, existing alongside the sharper negative feelings.]
[ he'll just settle himself entirely on the ground then, accepting the kitty climbing on him as he continues to pet it with one hand as the other still loosely holds onto lucas's ]
I don't care to speak for her, or claim that I did a good job.
Only that, if she is arriving tomorrow, I won't allow myself to fail moving forward. If she chooses life, despite everything that happened, she ought to experience a life worth living.
[He does finally slip his hand away from Scien's, though it's mostly because he uses both hands to settle on the ground, too, and arrange his clothing nicely. He's hardly sitting for ten seconds before another fat cat decides to come join the party, roughly headbutting into his side before running after the toy, too. Now he's got two cats chasing after this stupid wiggly rope, like a pied cat piper...
The vibes are faintly amused.]
I agree. [Unsurprisingly.] And I hope that she will. She should arrive tomorrow, after Robin's death. I suppose we can both speak to her then.
[Thinking about how he banters so naturally with Scien but every time it happens it makes his brainwashing angy. A STUPID CYCLE TO BE STUCK IN.]
What will you do if I grade you poorly?
[Truly the emotional vibes are hilarious, because Scien's pulling a little bit of the core of him out that's willing to joke without sharp edges, but then he just feels angrier at the same time, which is frustrating since he's starting to get a slightly better feel for when his emotions are incongruous. Very, very slightly. Basically just enough to subconsciously rile him a tiny bit. He's just so full of tiny furies.]
Steal one of your lesson plans? It's not like I expect to know everything instantly.
[ it's soooo funny my god lucas is a little mess—but scien just continues to banter easily because the goal was to get lucas to relax some, and it feels like they took baby steps toward that. the little angry part can exist, but lucas has to learn to coexist with it anyway so he doesn't draw attention to it
instead he's taking this joke very seriously.... in an unserious way... ]
I'd let you give me a penalty but what if it's too annoying...
[sTOP TRYING TO BANTER WITH HIM WHEN HE'S ANGY. His emotions are truly at their peak mess when Scien is involved. There's a little wobble of something in the nasty tangled feelings ball, like when a spinning top starts to lose its balance, but also the emotion of :tails:. He distracts himself from it by whipping the cat toy around and sending both cats skittering across the floor.]
I don't keep lesson plans on how to care for people dear to you. [HE'S NOT A SOCIOPATH. He's just psychotic, sometimes. A different flavor of it compared to Scien.]
A penalty wouldn't be a penalty if it weren't inconvenient at best, either.
Also hate it here so damn bad. This would be a kinky question for other people but unfortunately it's Scien talking to his dog that's programmed to kill him, so instead of thinking something embarrassingly horny, he just has to fight through a wave of absolutely insane vicious delight at the thought of Scien failing with anything and being able to dole out punishment (the punishment is death). GRITTING OUT:]
A teacher worth their salt would never hope for the failure of a student.
[He wants to hit Scien over the head with a metal folding chair.]
I don't truly think of myself as your student, so I think you should be allowed to have a little bit of fun coming up with a penalty for me if the results aren't up to par.
You may do the same thing if you ultimately find that my methods of looking after you are lacking as well.
[ the way scien just keeps giving lucas power for fun ]
[SCIEN KEEPS GIVING LUCAS POWER FOR FUN!!!! WHAT IF HE DOES EVIL WITH THIS POWER!!!!
There's another unpleasant little rile of feelings at that, the mention of being looked after. HE'S ANGY HE DOESN'T WANT SCIEN LOOKING AFTER HIM (that's exactly what Scien is doing right now) maybe so.]
I'd rather not. [A bit curtly. Stop tempting him with penalty power.] I really have no business evaluating the relationship you have with Kate either way.
[And he just doesn't want to think about Scien's care or he'll start biting.]
but scien tilts his head at that, wondering. in terms of being graded and penalties, he was mostly fucking around, but there was at least some part of this line of discussion that was sincere ]
I would not have brought it up to you if I didn't think that your opinion was worthwhile. You've looked after Nadia for most of your lives. But if it's asking too much, so be it.
[ scien will figure it out on his own, as he always does ]
Anyway his Catholic Guilt heart just wonders if even the devil should be seeking his opinion on caring for someone properly considering he fucked up his sister's life before saving her kinda sorta through murder but his feelings ball is so complex and bad already that the guilt hardly stands out.]
I don't have much insight into how things are with you two... My opinion isn't worth all that much, here. I would only be able to give general advice based on what I know from working with other children, who are hardly in situations like this or dealing with the sort of things it sounds like Kate's dealt with.
[He flicks the string toy across the floor again, watching the cats so skittering in the opposite direction.]
In all honesty, I don't think it's possible to give general advice for all the trauma that these children are going through here.
[ like wow crazy so much murder. but scien will keep petting the cat in his lap thoughtfully ]
... but even the children of Arpéchéle are normal children who want to do normal children things. Like... playing? [ uncertainty hits his emotions, help me ] Or... dreaming...? Being noisy and inquisitive...?
[ ????
scien was never a normal child and then didn't interact with kids ever ]
Those still seem worthwhile, if the goal is to give them some sense of normalcy and that their long lives won't be tainted by the experiences of a month and a half.
[Said softly. He thinks everyone here should get free therapy if they all escape and he only just barely knows what therapy is.
BUT ALSO. There's a little bit of something incredulous in his feelings, because even though Scien was like "I have no idea how to do this", he didn't expect to be starting from the most basic of basics like "DO KIDS DREAM".]
...Yes, they're very worthwhile. Those are things most children have a natural aptitude for, though some are quieter and more withdrawn by nature and have a bit more difficulty finding their footing. Working with them is the same as working with any person though, really. You only need to pay attention to what they seem to need and what they respond well to.
[ he's quieter at that, reflective for a while. he focuses on petting his cat!!!!
because what's happening is that he's getting a little lost in thought. the idea of "the same as working with any other person" is foreign to him. scien has worked with very few people in his life. people have worked for him almost exclusively, and he would provide results without help or input. his emotions are quiet, wondering, reflective ]
It's about time I learned something new, I suppose.
[As Scien drops into a reflective silence, Lucas just continues to play with his cats. One of them eventually seems to tucker out and moves over to Scien instead, bunting into his knee. Now he has TWO cats that want attention and pets...
This reminds him of a conversation he'd had what feels like ages ago, even though it wasn't long ago at all.]
A person is learning for as long as they're alive.
[ but scien is fine with this! okay kitty. scien will bring up a hand to pet that cat as well, giving scritches.... truly getting to know izutsumi prepared him purely for this moment
it's just funny when scien reflects on how he was ready to spend the next sixty years of his life again just sequestered away in his lab and not interacting with any individual person for that long now that he left his own lucas behind ]
[Just Scien and his research... Not necessarily lonely, though. He'd felt a flicker of that emotion in Scien before for himself, but it's still hard to apply it to him at least in the way he'd apply it to anyone else. Even so...]
...I don't think it'd be a terrible thing for you to expand your horizons in that way. It seemed like you were able to support Mathis and Kate from what could be seen in your public interactions, though I don't presume to know overly-much. You'd probably do well enough.
[Good dog gently peering out from behind the big ball of bad emotions.]
[ he doesn't deny it, at least. isolation isn't the problem. lack of understanding from even a single person in the world who would stay with him is.
but that's not what he's focusing on now. instead, there is a tiny flicker of surprise as lucas can only offer what could be seen as words of reassurance. almost comfort, even. it's not as though scien was overly worried or nervous about how he was looking after mathis and kate. if he failed, he would simply correct it.
but there is still a glimmer of warmth in his emotions, blooming only from the fact that lucas is bothering to say anything even remotely kind to him anyway. he doesn't intend to draw great attention to it, but it's hard not to feel fond over someone trying so hard to fight against the wildness of their own ingrained brainwashing to try to be... well. good. ]
... I did share my theory that the only way for me to be a so-called 'better person' is to know you. Having you and Nadia around for three years changed even me, I suppose.
[That doesn't surprise him to hear, though it does make his bad feelings ball wobble a little again.
That little glimmer of warmth has him drawing away a bit, on the other hand. Between that and the statement that riles his eternal Catholicism real bad, there's a faint sensation of distance.]
It's a strange theory. [Nadia, certainly - Nadia could change anyone, he thinks. Even the devil himself. But Lucas?
His attention is still on his cat, who has flopped over onto its side to lazily bat at the string toy as it passes over its paws.]
Theories are based on patterns witnessed, to explain a phenomenon.
[ if they're talking about things that happen purely in reality, which scien is. he feels those emotions, but he doesn't think that it's useful to talk about in such a non-physical realm right now. so he doesn't. instead - ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He'll just go back to paying attention to the cat that's determinedly trying to gnaw his thumb to bits, shaking his hand free and reaching for a nearby toy so he can run it across the ground and attract the cat's attention to a New Thing. There it goes, in stalking mode...]
That makes sense. [Even with his nasty tangle of vibes, there's still a strong pulse of affection, warmth, adoration as he thinks of Nadia and looking after her.]
How do you find it?
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I’ve discovered have no natural talent for it.
Even after attending to Nadia, I don’t know what young girls like or what they would feel most comforted hearing. I also don’t know how to be gentle enough while also delivering the truth. You and I are inherently different that way.
[ HELP ]
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data points.
every little indicator is a data point that he can take in and adjust his behavior to best lead to someone else’s contentment. to see someone with clear, straightforward eyes and provide his version of care from there. ]
… but she felt like she had no one else. So I could not turn her away. She asked me for my help before she even became a monster, and wanted to know what she could do in return.
But making children pay to be helped is nonsense.
So I had to change the shape of my help. And I decided that even if I possess no natural gift for caretaking, I would learn it.
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Maybe if he were in a better mood, it'd be something he'd feel a bit amused by. That even after spending time with Nadia, who makes herself well known so easily, he still had no idea how to go about interacting with a young girl.
Instead, he just feels another twist of something like nostalgia. He watches Scien's cat enjoy being spoiled for a moment, though his attention's drawn away pretty swiftly by his own, a little ball of energy hopping to and fro in an attempt to pin down the toy. There's a tiny flicker of a smile, there and gone.]
Caretakers often don't have a natural aptitude. [That would imply every parent was born good at it, which they certainly aren't.] It's more dependent on the willingness to learn and improve, and the amount of time a person spends doing so. [...] I hope that Kate felt looked after, if nothing else.
[Something soft and concerned surfaces, existing alongside the sharper negative feelings.]
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[ he'll just settle himself entirely on the ground then, accepting the kitty climbing on him as he continues to pet it with one hand as the other still loosely holds onto lucas's ]
I don't care to speak for her, or claim that I did a good job.
Only that, if she is arriving tomorrow, I won't allow myself to fail moving forward. If she chooses life, despite everything that happened, she ought to experience a life worth living.
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The vibes are faintly amused.]
I agree. [Unsurprisingly.] And I hope that she will. She should arrive tomorrow, after Robin's death. I suppose we can both speak to her then.
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The teacher's going to grade me... I haven't had my work supervised in decades...
[ he's sort of fucking around but there's a truth to it ]
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What will you do if I grade you poorly?
[Truly the emotional vibes are hilarious, because Scien's pulling a little bit of the core of him out that's willing to joke without sharp edges, but then he just feels angrier at the same time, which is frustrating since he's starting to get a slightly better feel for when his emotions are incongruous. Very, very slightly. Basically just enough to subconsciously rile him a tiny bit. He's just so full of tiny furies.]
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[ it's soooo funny my god lucas is a little mess—but scien just continues to banter easily because the goal was to get lucas to relax some, and it feels like they took baby steps toward that. the little angry part can exist, but lucas has to learn to coexist with it anyway so he doesn't draw attention to it
instead he's taking this joke very seriously.... in an unserious way... ]
I'd let you give me a penalty but what if it's too annoying...
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I don't keep lesson plans on how to care for people dear to you. [HE'S NOT A SOCIOPATH. He's just psychotic, sometimes. A different flavor of it compared to Scien.]
A penalty wouldn't be a penalty if it weren't inconvenient at best, either.
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[ A CARETAKER LESSON PLAN..... ]
Are you saying you hope for my failure and want to give me a punishment, Professeur?
[ this would be a kinky question for other people ]
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[TRIAL AND ERROR IT LIKE THE REST OF US BINCH.
Also hate it here so damn bad. This would be a kinky question for other people but unfortunately it's Scien talking to his dog that's programmed to kill him, so instead of thinking something embarrassingly horny, he just has to fight through a wave of absolutely insane vicious delight at the thought of Scien failing with anything and being able to dole out punishment (the punishment is death). GRITTING OUT:]
A teacher worth their salt would never hope for the failure of a student.
[He wants to hit Scien over the head with a metal folding chair.]
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You may do the same thing if you ultimately find that my methods of looking after you are lacking as well.
[ the way scien just keeps giving lucas power for fun ]
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There's another unpleasant little rile of feelings at that, the mention of being looked after. HE'S ANGY HE DOESN'T WANT SCIEN LOOKING AFTER HIM (that's exactly what Scien is doing right now) maybe so.]
I'd rather not. [A bit curtly. Stop tempting him with penalty power.] I really have no business evaluating the relationship you have with Kate either way.
[And he just doesn't want to think about Scien's care or he'll start biting.]
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but scien tilts his head at that, wondering. in terms of being graded and penalties, he was mostly fucking around, but there was at least some part of this line of discussion that was sincere ]
I would not have brought it up to you if I didn't think that your opinion was worthwhile. You've looked after Nadia for most of your lives. But if it's asking too much, so be it.
[ scien will figure it out on his own, as he always does ]
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Anyway his Catholic Guilt heart just wonders if even the devil should be seeking his opinion on caring for someone properly considering he fucked up his sister's life before saving her kinda sorta through murder but his feelings ball is so complex and bad already that the guilt hardly stands out.]
I don't have much insight into how things are with you two... My opinion isn't worth all that much, here. I would only be able to give general advice based on what I know from working with other children, who are hardly in situations like this or dealing with the sort of things it sounds like Kate's dealt with.
[He flicks the string toy across the floor again, watching the cats so skittering in the opposite direction.]
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[ like wow crazy so much murder. but scien will keep petting the cat in his lap thoughtfully ]
... but even the children of Arpéchéle are normal children who want to do normal children things. Like... playing? [ uncertainty hits his emotions, help me ] Or... dreaming...? Being noisy and inquisitive...?
[ ????
scien was never a normal child and then didn't interact with kids ever ]
Those still seem worthwhile, if the goal is to give them some sense of normalcy and that their long lives won't be tainted by the experiences of a month and a half.
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[Said softly. He thinks everyone here should get free therapy if they all escape and he only just barely knows what therapy is.
BUT ALSO. There's a little bit of something incredulous in his feelings, because even though Scien was like "I have no idea how to do this", he didn't expect to be starting from the most basic of basics like "DO KIDS DREAM".]
...Yes, they're very worthwhile. Those are things most children have a natural aptitude for, though some are quieter and more withdrawn by nature and have a bit more difficulty finding their footing. Working with them is the same as working with any person though, really. You only need to pay attention to what they seem to need and what they respond well to.
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[ he's quieter at that, reflective for a while. he focuses on petting his cat!!!!
because what's happening is that he's getting a little lost in thought. the idea of "the same as working with any other person" is foreign to him. scien has worked with very few people in his life. people have worked for him almost exclusively, and he would provide results without help or input. his emotions are quiet, wondering, reflective ]
It's about time I learned something new, I suppose.
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This reminds him of a conversation he'd had what feels like ages ago, even though it wasn't long ago at all.]
A person is learning for as long as they're alive.
[Even grandpas can learn...]
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I simply thought my research would be enough.
[ but scien is fine with this! okay kitty. scien will bring up a hand to pet that cat as well, giving scritches.... truly getting to know izutsumi prepared him purely for this moment
it's just funny when scien reflects on how he was ready to spend the next sixty years of his life again just sequestered away in his lab and not interacting with any individual person for that long now that he left his own lucas behind ]
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[Just Scien and his research... Not necessarily lonely, though. He'd felt a flicker of that emotion in Scien before for himself, but it's still hard to apply it to him at least in the way he'd apply it to anyone else. Even so...]
...I don't think it'd be a terrible thing for you to expand your horizons in that way. It seemed like you were able to support Mathis and Kate from what could be seen in your public interactions, though I don't presume to know overly-much. You'd probably do well enough.
[Good dog gently peering out from behind the big ball of bad emotions.]
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[ he doesn't deny it, at least. isolation isn't the problem. lack of understanding from even a single person in the world who would stay with him is.
but that's not what he's focusing on now. instead, there is a tiny flicker of surprise as lucas can only offer what could be seen as words of reassurance. almost comfort, even. it's not as though scien was overly worried or nervous about how he was looking after mathis and kate. if he failed, he would simply correct it.
but there is still a glimmer of warmth in his emotions, blooming only from the fact that lucas is bothering to say anything even remotely kind to him anyway. he doesn't intend to draw great attention to it, but it's hard not to feel fond over someone trying so hard to fight against the wildness of their own ingrained brainwashing to try to be... well. good. ]
... I did share my theory that the only way for me to be a so-called 'better person' is to know you. Having you and Nadia around for three years changed even me, I suppose.
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That little glimmer of warmth has him drawing away a bit, on the other hand. Between that and the statement that riles his eternal Catholicism real bad, there's a faint sensation of distance.]
It's a strange theory. [Nadia, certainly - Nadia could change anyone, he thinks. Even the devil himself. But Lucas?
His attention is still on his cat, who has flopped over onto its side to lazily bat at the string toy as it passes over its paws.]
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Theories are based on patterns witnessed, to explain a phenomenon.
[ if they're talking about things that happen purely in reality, which scien is. he feels those emotions, but he doesn't think that it's useful to talk about in such a non-physical realm right now. so he doesn't. instead - ]
Do you have evidence to the contrary?
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