[As Scien drops into a reflective silence, Lucas just continues to play with his cats. One of them eventually seems to tucker out and moves over to Scien instead, bunting into his knee. Now he has TWO cats that want attention and pets...
This reminds him of a conversation he'd had what feels like ages ago, even though it wasn't long ago at all.]
A person is learning for as long as they're alive.
[ but scien is fine with this! okay kitty. scien will bring up a hand to pet that cat as well, giving scritches.... truly getting to know izutsumi prepared him purely for this moment
it's just funny when scien reflects on how he was ready to spend the next sixty years of his life again just sequestered away in his lab and not interacting with any individual person for that long now that he left his own lucas behind ]
[Just Scien and his research... Not necessarily lonely, though. He'd felt a flicker of that emotion in Scien before for himself, but it's still hard to apply it to him at least in the way he'd apply it to anyone else. Even so...]
...I don't think it'd be a terrible thing for you to expand your horizons in that way. It seemed like you were able to support Mathis and Kate from what could be seen in your public interactions, though I don't presume to know overly-much. You'd probably do well enough.
[Good dog gently peering out from behind the big ball of bad emotions.]
[ he doesn't deny it, at least. isolation isn't the problem. lack of understanding from even a single person in the world who would stay with him is.
but that's not what he's focusing on now. instead, there is a tiny flicker of surprise as lucas can only offer what could be seen as words of reassurance. almost comfort, even. it's not as though scien was overly worried or nervous about how he was looking after mathis and kate. if he failed, he would simply correct it.
but there is still a glimmer of warmth in his emotions, blooming only from the fact that lucas is bothering to say anything even remotely kind to him anyway. he doesn't intend to draw great attention to it, but it's hard not to feel fond over someone trying so hard to fight against the wildness of their own ingrained brainwashing to try to be... well. good. ]
... I did share my theory that the only way for me to be a so-called 'better person' is to know you. Having you and Nadia around for three years changed even me, I suppose.
[That doesn't surprise him to hear, though it does make his bad feelings ball wobble a little again.
That little glimmer of warmth has him drawing away a bit, on the other hand. Between that and the statement that riles his eternal Catholicism real bad, there's a faint sensation of distance.]
It's a strange theory. [Nadia, certainly - Nadia could change anyone, he thinks. Even the devil himself. But Lucas?
His attention is still on his cat, who has flopped over onto its side to lazily bat at the string toy as it passes over its paws.]
Theories are based on patterns witnessed, to explain a phenomenon.
[ if they're talking about things that happen purely in reality, which scien is. he feels those emotions, but he doesn't think that it's useful to talk about in such a non-physical realm right now. so he doesn't. instead - ]
[His emotions are truly all over the place and doing all kinds of weird shit so leaving them out of the equation is probably not a bad idea. They just hop around from agitated to angry to upset to guilty to distant. Tiring.
At the question, he glances back over.]
I hardly knew you in my home and I can't speak for whatever has happened in yours.
I'm still an imperfect and obstinate person. There's no point in pretending otherwise.
[ he starts to count off on his fingers, which surely will upset the kitty he was petting ]
But it is easier for me to care for Kate, because you asked me to save Nadia.
While the Claude brat was distantly my responsibility to begin with, I had to step in more during your separation to continue the support you provided.
Countless more lives have been saved from my advancements in genetic disorders, which I only became interested in after knowing you.
And if I do 'well enough' when interacting with others, then it likely stems from the fact that for the past three years I've spent most of my personal time with you Prousts and the Claudes.
To me, there is a clear before and after my knowing you. I am not saying that you are without your sins. I don't care to make you into a saint anymore than I want to be called one by other people. Only that the entirety of who you are—the whole of you—has bettered the whole of me.
[FUCKING HELP Scien really said "damn I don't know that guy".
But woah... It's the one emotion that can rival his insane brainwashing... His fucking CATHOLIC GUILT!!!! Scien specifies that he doesn't intend to say Lucas is without sin, but he seems to withdraw a little further. He doesn't want to be told that the whole of him makes anything better when the whole of him just feels so poisoned and venomous.
He doesn't particularly want to linger on the subject either, though. The cat Scien abandoned so rudely meows for his attention, and Lucas's hand that had been dragging the string toy across the floor stills. Can two sinners help each other be better?]
...If you say so.
[A mild response. It feels too frightening if true, and Scien has been so very honest with him.]
I don't have any evidence to the contrary yet, at the very least.
[ HE STILL KNOWS THAT GUY BUT THAT GUY GOT HIS FUCKING STUPID LIL DAHUT KILLED!!!! HE LOST HIS SALOME!!! WHAT A FAILURE AND A LOSER!!!!!!!!!!
scien watches lucas for a moment before he scoops up the cat that's meowing at him entirely with hand, and then goes to deposit it right in lucas's lap ]
[AAAAAAAAA NOT HIS STUPID LIL DAHUT!!!! NOT HIS SALOME!!!!! His fucking two friends in the world good lord.
There's a little surprised sound as this wholeass cat is suddenly gifted to him though, and an accompanying ping of startled confusion. CAT... The cat is a little huffy about being toted around like potatoes, but settles well enough after a few seconds. Somewhat hesitantly, he sets the string toy aside so he can pet this big ol baby... Very light and gentle and careful, everything that his programming does not want for him to be but that he naturally is. More of the tooth and sharpness to him eases just a touch.]
...I will. [If he finds it, and he doesn't know whether or not he hopes he does.
Anyway Scien's lap is now vacant so the fat cat from earlier promptly climbs on up. There's a tiny flicker of something amused, very faint and far-off but still there.]
scien will accept you BIG FAT CAT!!! HE RELATES TO YOU IN YOUR SLEEPINESS AND LETHARGY!!!! so he just pets this one too, not moving away from where he had to scoot closer next to lucas to give him the catte to knock him out of his thoughts ]
[SHE FUCKING DID!!! Though there's another little pulse of guilt at the mention of Izutsumi considering his life accidentally ruined her day not that long ago. He went from the best Wednesday ever to the worst Thursday ever to a Friday that just exploded all of his emotions, and yet Scien is somehow carefully placing them back in order.
What if we were both sitting on the floor with sleepy kitties in our laps at the local Just Cats and we were sitting so close we touched 👉👈 He doesn't actually seem to mind, though. Cats are such a good distraction. The one in his lap starts purring and it gives him the lil warm cat petting fuzzies.]
You really don't... [He's thinking about how long he sat on Scien's lap for. That was like a whole damn hour and neither of them moved all that much except for the teeny tiny shifts over time that he didn't really notice.] I think if someone sat on me for that long, I'd lose the feeling in my legs if I didn't move them at least a little.
[WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING. The emotions are ??? just so disgruntled because not even his kill instincts know what to do with being teased like this.]
I'm not dear Rondo.
[No teasing... WHY IS HE FIRING STRAY SHOTS AT RONDO.]
[DON'T JUST LAUGH AT HIM KILLING RONDO FOR NO REASON!!!!]
Don't let him hear it. It's so cruel he may cry. [STOP KILLING RONDO ON YOUR WAY TO KILL SCIEN.] Especially if he knows it's such a rare and high honor.
[Somehow it's fucking happening again. Even though he had been so roiling with violence and fury not all that long ago, he's eased back into stupid banter with Scien!! He's just hanging out and petting this warm and cute cat that's rolling over in his lap to expose its fluffy belly trap!!! There's more biting edge than before, but the big ol ball of bad feelings is wobbling and wobbling. Ortie's hard work... damn. He'd be so mad and it is so funny.]
[ IT'S SO FUNNY WHEN LUCAS JUST FIRES STRAYS!!! the way scien is also a rude person but he waits for lucas to shoot first because it's truly funnier this way and he can't get fussed at if lucas is mean first ]
It'd be better for him to understand his place. No point in getting his hopes up.
It's funnier for the honor to go to the individual who desires it least.
[LISTEN.......... STOP HE NEEDS TO CEASE WITH HIS STRAY FIRING HE REALLY JUST DECIDES TO TAKE PEOPLE OUT AT RANDOM FOR NO REASON AT ALL.
He also gives Scien a look at the vibe is the i don't want these meme, but hilariously without much bite to it despite the fact that his wobbly feelings are still generally quite unpleasant.]
Find someone else to give the honors to. I don't plan on ending up with another cold curse.
[ this is soooooo funny lucas you are hilarious. scien's emotional vibe is an eye roll to match his very real eye roll ]
It's not about how cursed you are or not, you moron, though obviously I'll take the steps to make you more comfortable when possible.
How close or far you are from me is always your choice unless it's a medical exam. [ in which case scien does call the shots but like.... lucas doesn't need to be cursed to be attached to scien!! ] Was it so wretched to hold onto my hand on the way here?
[He's a clown with no effort... who is also offended by the eyeroll. IT'S ABOUT CURSES!! He only sat in Scien's lap for an hour because he was cold, listen here.
As for the question, his answer is immediate.]
It was uncomfortable. [This is true... And yet not uncomfortable enough for him to have slipped away from Scien's nonrestrictive grasp!! He feels like he has something to prove here though, damn.] But you said you wanted to see something and I was curious as to whether or not you would.
[ uncomfortable and yet scien told him he could pull away and he didn't. the vibe is Disbelieving but he won't pick a fight when lucas's second statement is more interesting to him ]
Whether or not I found you?
[ the question restated, and scien keeps petting his little cat and then looks back at lucas thoughtfully.
[HE'S GOING TO HIT SCIEN WITH A BRICK is the vibe in return when he feels the disbelief. BELIEVE HIM!!!! But the statement reworded has him feeling a strange twang of discomfort at its heels, instead. The first time he heard it, it had somehow started this process of breaking through the ugly snarl of emotions that have been gnawing through him since Friday. This time, it just leaves him feeling a little unnerved. He doesn't like the idea that he could be lost, even though he gets lost so often and so easily.
The hand is met with a little blip of surprise, though. His response isn't immediate, but he does eventually lift his hand from the floor and gently place it in Scien's. Paw... There's another roil of something cutting and viperous, but also a little drifting feeling of curiosity.]
scien takes lucas's hand and as opposed to last time when he just kept it in a loose hold, trying not to snap the already extreme tension, this time he'll let his fingers curl in slightly. he takes lucas's hand, ignoring that violent feeling again, and look it over. bloodstained, delicate, and given to scien's touch of his own free will.
the last part is so very important. ]
You said it yourself. You're right here.
Beneath what aggravates you, and the cruel circumstances of this place, there you are—playful, covered in cat fur, and with a kind word ready in hand.
[ he lets his thumb brush over lucas's knuckles again; just one gentle swipe ]
I've found you, and I'll always find you. Even in the moments you think you don't want to be seen.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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This reminds him of a conversation he'd had what feels like ages ago, even though it wasn't long ago at all.]
A person is learning for as long as they're alive.
[Even grandpas can learn...]
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I simply thought my research would be enough.
[ but scien is fine with this! okay kitty. scien will bring up a hand to pet that cat as well, giving scritches.... truly getting to know izutsumi prepared him purely for this moment
it's just funny when scien reflects on how he was ready to spend the next sixty years of his life again just sequestered away in his lab and not interacting with any individual person for that long now that he left his own lucas behind ]
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[Just Scien and his research... Not necessarily lonely, though. He'd felt a flicker of that emotion in Scien before for himself, but it's still hard to apply it to him at least in the way he'd apply it to anyone else. Even so...]
...I don't think it'd be a terrible thing for you to expand your horizons in that way. It seemed like you were able to support Mathis and Kate from what could be seen in your public interactions, though I don't presume to know overly-much. You'd probably do well enough.
[Good dog gently peering out from behind the big ball of bad emotions.]
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[ he doesn't deny it, at least. isolation isn't the problem. lack of understanding from even a single person in the world who would stay with him is.
but that's not what he's focusing on now. instead, there is a tiny flicker of surprise as lucas can only offer what could be seen as words of reassurance. almost comfort, even. it's not as though scien was overly worried or nervous about how he was looking after mathis and kate. if he failed, he would simply correct it.
but there is still a glimmer of warmth in his emotions, blooming only from the fact that lucas is bothering to say anything even remotely kind to him anyway. he doesn't intend to draw great attention to it, but it's hard not to feel fond over someone trying so hard to fight against the wildness of their own ingrained brainwashing to try to be... well. good. ]
... I did share my theory that the only way for me to be a so-called 'better person' is to know you. Having you and Nadia around for three years changed even me, I suppose.
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That little glimmer of warmth has him drawing away a bit, on the other hand. Between that and the statement that riles his eternal Catholicism real bad, there's a faint sensation of distance.]
It's a strange theory. [Nadia, certainly - Nadia could change anyone, he thinks. Even the devil himself. But Lucas?
His attention is still on his cat, who has flopped over onto its side to lazily bat at the string toy as it passes over its paws.]
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Theories are based on patterns witnessed, to explain a phenomenon.
[ if they're talking about things that happen purely in reality, which scien is. he feels those emotions, but he doesn't think that it's useful to talk about in such a non-physical realm right now. so he doesn't. instead - ]
Do you have evidence to the contrary?
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At the question, he glances back over.]
I hardly knew you in my home and I can't speak for whatever has happened in yours.
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I'm still an imperfect and obstinate person. There's no point in pretending otherwise.
[ he starts to count off on his fingers, which surely will upset the kitty he was petting ]
But it is easier for me to care for Kate, because you asked me to save Nadia.
While the Claude brat was distantly my responsibility to begin with, I had to step in more during your separation to continue the support you provided.
Countless more lives have been saved from my advancements in genetic disorders, which I only became interested in after knowing you.
And if I do 'well enough' when interacting with others, then it likely stems from the fact that for the past three years I've spent most of my personal time with you Prousts and the Claudes.
To me, there is a clear before and after my knowing you. I am not saying that you are without your sins. I don't care to make you into a saint anymore than I want to be called one by other people. Only that the entirety of who you are—the whole of you—has bettered the whole of me.
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But woah... It's the one emotion that can rival his insane brainwashing... His fucking CATHOLIC GUILT!!!! Scien specifies that he doesn't intend to say Lucas is without sin, but he seems to withdraw a little further. He doesn't want to be told that the whole of him makes anything better when the whole of him just feels so poisoned and venomous.
He doesn't particularly want to linger on the subject either, though. The cat Scien abandoned so rudely meows for his attention, and Lucas's hand that had been dragging the string toy across the floor stills. Can two sinners help each other be better?]
...If you say so.
[A mild response. It feels too frightening if true, and Scien has been so very honest with him.]
I don't have any evidence to the contrary yet, at the very least.
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scien watches lucas for a moment before he scoops up the cat that's meowing at him entirely with hand, and then goes to deposit it right in lucas's lap ]
If you find it, let me know.
But I think the best work is done in reality.
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There's a little surprised sound as this wholeass cat is suddenly gifted to him though, and an accompanying ping of startled confusion. CAT... The cat is a little huffy about being toted around like potatoes, but settles well enough after a few seconds. Somewhat hesitantly, he sets the string toy aside so he can pet this big ol baby... Very light and gentle and careful, everything that his programming does not want for him to be but that he naturally is. More of the tooth and sharpness to him eases just a touch.]
...I will. [If he finds it, and he doesn't know whether or not he hopes he does.
Anyway Scien's lap is now vacant so the fat cat from earlier promptly climbs on up. There's a tiny flicker of something amused, very faint and far-off but still there.]
Cats seem to be fond of you.
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[ izutsumi TRAINED HIM for this
scien will accept you BIG FAT CAT!!! HE RELATES TO YOU IN YOUR SLEEPINESS AND LETHARGY!!!! so he just pets this one too, not moving away from where he had to scoot closer next to lucas to give him the catte to knock him out of his thoughts ]
I think it's because I don't move around a lot.
[ easy pillow ]
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What if we were both sitting on the floor with sleepy kitties in our laps at the local Just Cats and we were sitting so close we touched 👉👈 He doesn't actually seem to mind, though. Cats are such a good distraction. The one in his lap starts purring and it gives him the lil warm cat petting fuzzies.]
You really don't... [He's thinking about how long he sat on Scien's lap for. That was like a whole damn hour and neither of them moved all that much except for the teeny tiny shifts over time that he didn't really notice.] I think if someone sat on me for that long, I'd lose the feeling in my legs if I didn't move them at least a little.
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okay
there's no helping the amusement there either. a tease that comes far too easily: ]
It's no great hardship to have you in my lap, either.
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I'm not dear Rondo.
[No teasing... WHY IS HE FIRING STRAY SHOTS AT RONDO.]
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While I understand the spirit of your statement, I feel as though I should clarify I would not let that knight touch me at all.
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Don't let him hear it. It's so cruel he may cry. [STOP KILLING RONDO ON YOUR WAY TO KILL SCIEN.] Especially if he knows it's such a rare and high honor.
[Somehow it's fucking happening again. Even though he had been so roiling with violence and fury not all that long ago, he's eased back into stupid banter with Scien!! He's just hanging out and petting this warm and cute cat that's rolling over in his lap to expose its fluffy belly trap!!! There's more biting edge than before, but the big ol ball of bad feelings is wobbling and wobbling. Ortie's hard work... damn. He'd be so mad and it is so funny.]
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It'd be better for him to understand his place. No point in getting his hopes up.
It's funnier for the honor to go to the individual who desires it least.
[that's LUCAS OF COURSE ]
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He also gives Scien a look at the vibe is the i don't want these meme, but hilariously without much bite to it despite the fact that his wobbly feelings are still generally quite unpleasant.]
Find someone else to give the honors to. I don't plan on ending up with another cold curse.
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It's not about how cursed you are or not, you moron, though obviously I'll take the steps to make you more comfortable when possible.
How close or far you are from me is always your choice unless it's a medical exam. [ in which case scien does call the shots but like.... lucas doesn't need to be cursed to be attached to scien!! ] Was it so wretched to hold onto my hand on the way here?
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As for the question, his answer is immediate.]
It was uncomfortable. [This is true... And yet not uncomfortable enough for him to have slipped away from Scien's nonrestrictive grasp!! He feels like he has something to prove here though, damn.] But you said you wanted to see something and I was curious as to whether or not you would.
[Did he find Lucas...]
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[ uncomfortable and yet scien told him he could pull away and he didn't. the vibe is Disbelieving but he won't pick a fight when lucas's second statement is more interesting to him ]
Whether or not I found you?
[ the question restated, and scien keeps petting his little cat and then looks back at lucas thoughtfully.
he holds his hand out again, palm up. paw. ]
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The hand is met with a little blip of surprise, though. His response isn't immediate, but he does eventually lift his hand from the floor and gently place it in Scien's. Paw... There's another roil of something cutting and viperous, but also a little drifting feeling of curiosity.]
It's a strange way of looking for someone. So?
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scien takes lucas's hand and as opposed to last time when he just kept it in a loose hold, trying not to snap the already extreme tension, this time he'll let his fingers curl in slightly. he takes lucas's hand, ignoring that violent feeling again, and look it over. bloodstained, delicate, and given to scien's touch of his own free will.
the last part is so very important. ]
You said it yourself. You're right here.
Beneath what aggravates you, and the cruel circumstances of this place, there you are—playful, covered in cat fur, and with a kind word ready in hand.
[ he lets his thumb brush over lucas's knuckles again; just one gentle swipe ]
I've found you, and I'll always find you. Even in the moments you think you don't want to be seen.
Do you feel better?
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