audience: laudna

[mygod]

Comments

[undread]

[pokes your dead npc]

...Yes. One took a great deal from me, too. She didn't intend for it to happen, but I died because of her. Because of all of them. And they're so kind, and sorry, but I don't know if I forgive them. They got to be happy, afterwards.

[mygod]

[ ripperoni!! ]

Some people just seem destined to be saved. And happy. [ they cant their head a little in thought. ] I wonder what everyone else is supposed to do. I stopped caring. But I never exactly figured out how to move on.

Let me know if you do.

[undread]

[unfortunately this makes her like him so much just in time for die.]

I haven't solved it, either. Perhaps neither of us will, and we'll simply have to be angry forever. Would that be so bad? Someone ought to be.

[mygod]

[ ): that's why you shouldn't like people. ]

You think so? [ they don't seem like they have the energy to agree or refute this very strongly. ] I guess. I never thought of it as a karma, but maybe that's what anger is.

Aren't you tired though?

[undread]

[so true bestie.]

I think once I'm tired, and I'm satisfied to stop feeling so intensely, that will likely be the day I pass on. [something has to keep her going.]

[mygod]

...Maybe.

[ that sounds sincere. ]

Rage is very good at keeping you trundling forward, if nothing else. Are you avoiding that? The end of things. Your body looks like it could go on forever.

[undread]

[hmm...]

I've kept going for a long time, at least. But part of that wasn't of my own choosing. Some of it is my own will, and some of it is Delilah, and the power of her god keeping her alive through me.

For now, I'd like to keep going to see through the defeat of the people who would hurt my friends. Hurt Imogen. And then... I don't know what will happen.

[she does know, though, actually. and the ink on her body just reads Delilah over and over again.]

[mygod]

[ a moment passes in silence as they watch the ink spread, repetitive and eerie.

they seem a little cautious about asking, but eventually do. ]

...So you're after this Ludinus person. But who is Delilah?

[undread]

An old acquaintance. I suppose her soul happens to be trapped with mine.

[mygod]

Sounds complicated.

So you get to talk and be yourself, but she's mixed in there too? Keeping you going?

[undread]

...Yes. [she sounds a bit tired.] She's there. She talks to me sometimes.

[mygod]

[ curious, one of their ears flicks hard enough under its horn that it almost dislodges the whole thing. not that laudna can see this. ]

Are you afraid of her? Or do you regret her?

[undread]

[he's dead so idk i guess she'll just explain the answer to this, which is that she doesn't know how to answer that.]

She is the one who killed me. But I think she may be the only person who really understands me. Without her, I don't know who I am.

[mygod]

[ this sounds very healthy and fine ]

Someone can provide the missing context in your life, even if you don't like them. They'll be the crutch you stand on, even if you hate them.

[ they say this not in any real supportive manner. understanding, not accepting. ]

But you don't want revenge against her? I'd expect that much.

[undread]

There would be no point. She's already dead. The only part of her left is the part in me. And I don't think it's possible for me to be rid of her forever while I'm still here.

[mygod]

[ they look at her squarely. ]

I didn't ask if you thought there's a point, or if you'd survive. I asked if you wanted it.

[undread]

[that's a very complicated question.]

Why would I dwell on something that won't happen?

[mygod]

[ this makes them laugh a little. like one of those sounds that starts by sounding like a scoff but carries into a resigned puff. ]

Why not?

[ why not... who needs resentment to be reasonable. ]

Or maybe you're scared to think about what's left of you, if she's gone.

[undread]

[he really hit the nail on the head with that one, and she's visibly stricken by the thought.]

...Maybe. I don't like this conversation.

[mygod]

[ oops same mental illness ]

...No, I don't suppose you would.

[ they sigh for a moment, long and quiet, like being actively mean is tiresome. ]

A word of unsolicited advice. Find other things to fill the void, while you're still borrowing time.

[undread]

[she nods rapidly.]

I've been trying. I've been trying. But then if those things are taken away...

[the void is still there.]