You can always ask her and see if she tells you. Is there something in particular you want for yourself? Or do you simply think cunning work should be rewarded?
[ he tries to do his sort of genial smile and half-shrug thing for a second, play it off like nothing, but. it seems like a genuine question. so maybe deserving of a genuine answer. ]
Five people in two days. Three the last weekend. One more monster potentially on the loose, who will almost certainly seek to kill again. The math is not in our favor. And with every death, the vanishingly small possibility of finding a match who most likely does not seek the same opportunity, doesn't feel the same desperation. It makes me feel like a fool. An animal waiting for the knife.
[ a dry huff of a laugh. ]
It's all a bit silly, isn't it? Most of my life was ... a gilded cage, I suppose. Charmed, almost. My mentor is 1200 years old, you know? He has served Mystra faithfully for centuries, and certainly has faced danger during that time, but was rewarded for his service. If I had stayed my course, obeyed the directives given to me, kept within her palace walls, I might have lasted more than the scant decades I managed to eek out. But I was never going to be that obedient boy. A perfect Chosen one. There would always be more.
And now, pressed against the sharp edge of the blade, I want it more than anything. Life. As always, I find myself wanting the one thing I do not think I am allowed to have.
I ... understand your position, regarding the myriad scope of the potentiality of fate. I'll even admit to some burgeoning obsession with the possibility. But I can't shake the feeling it is casting about for a ship in a storm.
[ he gives them a long look when they mention specializing in time of all times. he'd certainly theorized it, they hadn't been that coy about it, but still. it's the kind of magic you don't toy with lightly. ]
I don't know that my living is righting a wrong. There are quite a few arguments to be made that the world is a better place without me, and that by ending my time on it I have done it a favor. But I am still here, aren't I? I have clearly already grasped some opportunity to change the direction of fate. So I think I have answered your question.
[ ... ]
Time is ... [ he frowns, a little. ] A practitioner of time. One has to wonder what wrong, what mistake it is that you are seeking to correct.
I don't hear that argument coming from either of your friends. In fact, I hear the opposite very often.
[ but he has answered their question. ]
Have you never made many a mistake of which the thought plagued you relentlessly? [ just saying. ] I have made... a very, very grave one, I believe, that I did not realize how bs until just recently.
[ gale just reaches a hand up to the mark on his chest, pressing the fingers in.
hardly surprising that a mistake was made - it seems doubtful to end up in a place like this at all if one's life were going the way you wanted it to, overseer or not. it is a little surprising to hear them admit it. `after all, I am the villain of this tale.` ]
... And what did you learn? About what lays beyond.
[ why did my bs typo make me laugh so badly help me ]
Knowledge is a heavy burden to bear. There is a certain level of consideration and responsibility which comes with unraveling the truths of magic whether it's time, or the Weave, the Astral Plane, even here in this place.
And yet, despite lacking this in my initial pursuit, I still have not found the answers yet. I can manipulate the outcome of time as easily as slicing bread. But learning the mystery of an ancient arcana's understanding and alteration of time...
[ anyway, ]
I would just rather my people understand the artifacts of their faith rather than trust them unwaveringly, but they aren't interested. I am, however. The artifacts are, I understand now, dangerous and more dangerous in the wrong sort of hands.
[ i just accepted it was like "yeah it was kind of a BS mistake" nods affirmingly
anyway just a very wizard thing to so confidently say "i can manipulate time like slicing bread" while also admitting you fucked up and haven't learned shit yet. hilarious.
gale will, however, listen intently - tilting his head. it has a certain symmetry doesn't it? the follies of most wizards do. ]
I am coming to find faith to be a dull instrument. It demands that you ask it no questions, and is ready to swing upon any who would press its boundaries. I spent years in service to a goddess, who when I beseeched for help in my greatest hour of need, only returned to me perfect silence.
For now, it seems, you are alive. And with any luck, you will perform your service here and leave unscathed. No matter the mistakes one has made, it is always easier to move forward from them alive. You have a good heart and that is more plain to see that I imagine you would care to admit.
the pause they give is full of hesitation and uncertainty. this is wild to hear honestly. ]
I do not... believe that is very true, but I won't argue with you right now about it.
[ their day..... THEIR WEEK. ]
It is very... disorienting and worrisome to suddenly consider things... like other people's feelings, or far-reaching consequences of actions. I do think my life was much less complicated without...... friends.
[ it's cool its cool sorry that you're a big squishy softie and everyone fucking knows it bud ]
Hah! I suppose I can relate. I really didn't have anyone but ... colleagues and acquaintances until quite recently. Excluding dear Tara, of course.
Mystra was my closest companion, and I don't know that she ever understood anything about a mortal's emotions. And I found people to be difficult to decipher, as if I was speaking a different coded language from the rest of the world that they had not chosen to inform me of. But I think what I've learned is that loneliness can kill as efficiently as any blade. At least the parts of yourself that truly matter, in the end.
I assure you I am as complex as they come. [ this is joking, but with an air of teasing arrogance, of course. ] The complexity is less what's disturbing.
Things were fine and went smoothly when it was only myself. Like you, except there were no colleagues or acquaintances, and certainly not any divine companionship.
[ but now there are fucking all these water bottles to be responsible for?! ]
[ he'll snort at the joke, waving a hand at him. ]
You most certainly are.
[ and sorry, he keeps laughing a little. ]
Did it go fine and smoothly ... ? You've just described making an error that seems to cause you quite a bit of distress, so I question that assessment. And as for my divine companionship, I'd hardly envy that portion. Look where I've ended up.
Well, at the time, nothing was amiss, or going poorly. It wasn't until certain people began meddling where they didn't belong that things began to get messy.
[ this is happening all over again sorta now. in a way. ]
If you could change that part of your past, would you at all?
[ okay sure just blame [redacted] for ALL your problems, bud. anyway sorry rude assholes keep ruining your life. it will happen again. ]
With Mystra? [ ... ] It is hard to ... When I think on it now, I am filled with a great deal of regret and shame. But that is the kind of assessment one needs a degree of time to sort through, I think.
I certainly wouldn't be where I am at this moment. I wouldn't have met the people I've come to care about, or seen the world the way I understand it to be now. It is as you say - knowing people, having friends, adds complexity. It makes that question very hard to answer.
speaking of embarrassing since its still sunday and affection week gale will reach over to just. squeeze them on the arm and then sort of be like oops maybe that was too much and put his hands behind his back instead. weirdo behavior. ]
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no subject
Heh. That is only for Vin to know. Would it bother you if she did?
no subject
[ well. ]
Not exactly.
no subject
You can always ask her and see if she tells you. Is there something in particular you want for yourself? Or do you simply think cunning work should be rewarded?
no subject
I think you know very well the things I require for myself.
[ but ... ]
I've no desire to take from Vin, I assure you the question was mostly out of curiosity. What qualifications will satisfy a devil's deal, I wonder.
no subject
I am not accusing you. There are many things here which run on blood offerings. I'm sure we can both make an educated guess.
no subject
[ he's just in his head a little about it. ]
Those tempt me less on the whole, anyway. Devil's deals have a way of going sideways quickly.
no subject
Today was a lot. Are you... all right?
no subject
Five people in two days. Three the last weekend. One more monster potentially on the loose, who will almost certainly seek to kill again. The math is not in our favor. And with every death, the vanishingly small possibility of finding a match who most likely does not seek the same opportunity, doesn't feel the same desperation. It makes me feel like a fool. An animal waiting for the knife.
[ a dry huff of a laugh. ]
It's all a bit silly, isn't it? Most of my life was ... a gilded cage, I suppose. Charmed, almost. My mentor is 1200 years old, you know? He has served Mystra faithfully for centuries, and certainly has faced danger during that time, but was rewarded for his service. If I had stayed my course, obeyed the directives given to me, kept within her palace walls, I might have lasted more than the scant decades I managed to eek out. But I was never going to be that obedient boy. A perfect Chosen one. There would always be more.
And now, pressed against the sharp edge of the blade, I want it more than anything. Life. As always, I find myself wanting the one thing I do not think I am allowed to have.
I ... understand your position, regarding the myriad scope of the potentiality of fate. I'll even admit to some burgeoning obsession with the possibility. But I can't shake the feeling it is casting about for a ship in a storm.
no subject
it takes them some time to debate inwardly. ]
You are still alive, and they are not. And yet you tell me you think the odds are living is out of your reach? Tell that to the five gone.
I don't deal in odds, I deal in increasing certainties. I am a chronurgist, among other things. I specialize in time.
There is always more.
You have nothing to lose. Not a single thing. Going back means returning to nonexistence. If you could change that, would you?
If you could right wrongs, correct mistakes, would you take the opportunity?
The possibly is low and becomes lower, but it is never zero. I have spent my whole life researching and practicing the almost surelys.
no subject
I don't know that my living is righting a wrong. There are quite a few arguments to be made that the world is a better place without me, and that by ending my time on it I have done it a favor. But I am still here, aren't I? I have clearly already grasped some opportunity to change the direction of fate. So I think I have answered your question.
[ ... ]
Time is ... [ he frowns, a little. ] A practitioner of time. One has to wonder what wrong, what mistake it is that you are seeking to correct.
no subject
[ but he has answered their question. ]
Have you never made many a mistake of which the thought plagued you relentlessly? [ just saying. ] I have made... a very, very grave one, I believe, that I did not realize how bs until just recently.
All in the pursuit of knowledge, of that "more."
no subject
hardly surprising that a mistake was made - it seems doubtful to end up in a place like this at all if one's life were going the way you wanted it to, overseer or not. it is a little surprising to hear them admit it. `after all, I am the villain of this tale.` ]
... And what did you learn? About what lays beyond.
no subject
Knowledge is a heavy burden to bear. There is a certain level of consideration and responsibility which comes with unraveling the truths of magic whether it's time, or the Weave, the Astral Plane, even here in this place.
And yet, despite lacking this in my initial pursuit, I still have not found the answers yet. I can manipulate the outcome of time as easily as slicing bread. But learning the mystery of an ancient arcana's understanding and alteration of time...
[ anyway, ]
I would just rather my people understand the artifacts of their faith rather than trust them unwaveringly, but they aren't interested. I am, however. The artifacts are, I understand now, dangerous and more dangerous in the wrong sort of hands.
no subject
anyway just a very wizard thing to so confidently say "i can manipulate time like slicing bread" while also admitting you fucked up and haven't learned shit yet. hilarious.
gale will, however, listen intently - tilting his head. it has a certain symmetry doesn't it? the follies of most wizards do. ]
I am coming to find faith to be a dull instrument. It demands that you ask it no questions, and is ready to swing upon any who would press its boundaries. I spent years in service to a goddess, who when I beseeched for help in my greatest hour of need, only returned to me perfect silence.
For now, it seems, you are alive. And with any luck, you will perform your service here and leave unscathed. No matter the mistakes one has made, it is always easier to move forward from them alive. You have a good heart and that is more plain to see that I imagine you would care to admit.
no subject
the pause they give is full of hesitation and uncertainty. this is wild to hear honestly. ]
I do not... believe that is very true, but I won't argue with you right now about it.
[ their day..... THEIR WEEK. ]
It is very... disorienting and worrisome to suddenly consider things... like other people's feelings, or far-reaching consequences of actions. I do think my life was much less complicated without...... friends.
no subject
Hah! I suppose I can relate. I really didn't have anyone but ... colleagues and acquaintances until quite recently. Excluding dear Tara, of course.
Mystra was my closest companion, and I don't know that she ever understood anything about a mortal's emotions. And I found people to be difficult to decipher, as if I was speaking a different coded language from the rest of the world that they had not chosen to inform me of. But I think what I've learned is that loneliness can kill as efficiently as any blade. At least the parts of yourself that truly matter, in the end.
Complexity is not something to be afraid of.
no subject
I assure you I am as complex as they come. [ this is joking, but with an air of teasing arrogance, of course. ] The complexity is less what's disturbing.
Things were fine and went smoothly when it was only myself. Like you, except there were no colleagues or acquaintances, and certainly not any divine companionship.
[ but now there are fucking all these water bottles to be responsible for?! ]
no subject
You most certainly are.
[ and sorry, he keeps laughing a little. ]
Did it go fine and smoothly ... ? You've just described making an error that seems to cause you quite a bit of distress, so I question that assessment. And as for my divine companionship, I'd hardly envy that portion. Look where I've ended up.
[ single and exploded. ]
no subject
[ this is happening all over again sorta now. in a way. ]
If you could change that part of your past, would you at all?
no subject
With Mystra? [ ... ] It is hard to ... When I think on it now, I am filled with a great deal of regret and shame. But that is the kind of assessment one needs a degree of time to sort through, I think.
I certainly wouldn't be where I am at this moment. I wouldn't have met the people I've come to care about, or seen the world the way I understand it to be now. It is as you say - knowing people, having friends, adds complexity. It makes that question very hard to answer.
no subject
I understand. I think the answer to your question sounds very much like a "no, I don't think I would."
no subject
[ the part he would take back is the Blowing Up. but probably not anything else, for better or worse. ]
... Thank you for telling me a bit about yourself too. I know it can be difficult.
no subject
what do they say to this??? don't just say something soft and leave it open for them to meet halfway, embarrassing. ]
A bit of poor timing for it, but...
[ they nod. ]
no subject
speaking of embarrassing since its still sunday and affection week gale will reach over to just. squeeze them on the arm and then sort of be like oops maybe that was too much and put his hands behind his back instead. weirdo behavior. ]
Hardly, I did ask.
no subject
they glance down, but don't try to pull their arm away. ]
You did ask.