audience: astarion

[mygod]

Comments

[mygod]

...

[ oh. ]





Do tell.

[haematocritical]

[ i love baldur's gate 3. ]









Some djinn was cheating at the stupid little carnival game he was running, so I called him a cheating bastard.

[mygod]

[ THERE IS A VERY LONG SILENCE THAT US ALMOST AWKWARD BECAUSE THEY ARE WEARING A MASK






but then they snort slightly, so clearly, they were trying not to laugh. ]

[haematocritical]

[ ...................





elbows him with a smile on his face. ]

[mygod]

[ stop smiling.

they oof, are confused a bit, and then elbow back. ]

I'm shocked no one ate you.

[haematocritical]

[ oof?

this is war? (no this is patrick)

the actual act, not the name. ]

Would you eat sentient cheese that was aggressively rolling across the ground? I'm learning so much about you today.

[mygod]

[ imagine playing footsie with a guy but like with your elbows. ]

I said someone else, not me. Karlach would.

[ quickly throws her under the bus. ]

[haematocritical]

[ this is the worst image but also yes. i see the vision. ]

... well. Yes. But she was also there and saw me get turned into sentient cheese. If she ate me after that I'd fucking haunt her.

[ karlach did nothing to deserve this ]

[mygod]

[ STOP. out of the two of them, war can behave. they have that straight-laced, stick up the ass sort of nobility demeanor about them. ]

I... still think what I say stands.

[ kidding. ]

So you were... talking cheese. And it... wore off? Someone removed the curse? For what it's worth, I don't think any of these games will turn you into cheese.

[haematocritical]

[ ok but like. if he gets elbowed again then what ]

I think what I say also still stands. I was rolling quite aggressively.

[ hmm. ] I don’t know a lot about magic but it was probably a polymorph spell? Clearly I turned back to normal, so.

[mygod]

[ Astarion.

anyway, he gets elbowed back regardless. like. delicately. ]

Well, I'm not sure if it wore off or not. You are still rather cheesy.

[haematocritical]

[ just the thought equivalent of :)?

and then he huffs. ]

Excuse you. I am perfectly freshly scented and a delight.

[mygod]

[ don't smirk. ]

You should be, having the privilege to use our bathroom when others do not. But I wasn't talking about your smell.

[haematocritical]

[ :P ]

Oh, I’m not knocking the bathroom privileges. I’m still rather enamoured with them. [ although, excuse me. ] How am I cheesy?

[mygod]

[ :| ]

It was a pun, Astarion. Because you had been turned into a wheel of cheese. Though I guess you are somewhat cheesy... Always making jokes.

[haematocritical]

That might’ve worked better if I were still cheese. Which isn’t an invite to use your book and try, by the way.

[ imagine. astarion shows up to mini-event on wednesday as a wheel of cheese. ] My jokes are hilarious. When I am actually making them.

[mygod]

I could assist you with becoming cheese if you so desired. Maybe a higher quality cheese this time.

[ ]

Your jokes are as dry as wine, but I don't mind them.

[haematocritical]

The cheese becomes higher quality simply because I am the base from which it is formed. But I think I have done my time as cheese.

[ 💁 ]

I will take that as the highest of compliments then. [ the war stamp of approval. ]

[mygod]

I see.

[ ok, arrogant. (they have no room to talk.) this must be an elf thing even if their elven heritage is fey-aligned. ]

Try not to let it go to your head.

[haematocritical]

[ the arrogance in the room is at its peak. ]

Too late.

[mygod]

[ it is unfortunately.

A SIGH, even if it's a teasing one. ]

I take back what I said.

[haematocritical]

[ he’d stick his tongue out but he’s not five. ]

No you don’t.

[ … ]

Come to think of it — are you able to share your name now your face is no longer a mystery? I assumed not until Asa had a moment of possessiveness over the War title.

[mygod]

Yes, she apparently thought I was a devil.

[ stick it out and they will tie it into a bow with magic. ]

As long as you only speak it in private. [ thanks. ] My name is Shadowhand Essek Thelyss.

I apologize for the lack of introductions. I'm sure you understand.

[haematocritical]

Yes, she got rather antsy when I referred to her situation as “her War”.

[ is this the mage equivalent of ‘tying a cherry stem with your tongue’? ]

I’m hardly going to prance around yelling it from the dilapidated rooftops, not after you spent so long insisting I shouldn’t have seen your face at all and needed to keep it a deep, dark secret.

[ there’s a pause. and a thoughtful look. ]

Shadowhand. [ Is that a first name or a title or…? Honestly. Shadowhand. Dubs Gale ‘Evertalking’ and Karlach ‘Bigfirelady’ while we’re at it. ]

[mygod]

It is a touchy subject for her.

[ astarion is so funny. thoughtshare is hell. ]

It is a title. I handle investigative matters for the Bright Queen's court. Spies, mysterious occurrences, that sort of thing. Thelyss is the name of my den.