audience: astarion

[mygod]

Comments

[mygod]

[ :| ]

It was a pun, Astarion. Because you had been turned into a wheel of cheese. Though I guess you are somewhat cheesy... Always making jokes.

[haematocritical]

That might’ve worked better if I were still cheese. Which isn’t an invite to use your book and try, by the way.

[ imagine. astarion shows up to mini-event on wednesday as a wheel of cheese. ] My jokes are hilarious. When I am actually making them.

[mygod]

I could assist you with becoming cheese if you so desired. Maybe a higher quality cheese this time.

[ ]

Your jokes are as dry as wine, but I don't mind them.

[haematocritical]

The cheese becomes higher quality simply because I am the base from which it is formed. But I think I have done my time as cheese.

[ 💁 ]

I will take that as the highest of compliments then. [ the war stamp of approval. ]

[mygod]

I see.

[ ok, arrogant. (they have no room to talk.) this must be an elf thing even if their elven heritage is fey-aligned. ]

Try not to let it go to your head.

[haematocritical]

[ the arrogance in the room is at its peak. ]

Too late.

[mygod]

[ it is unfortunately.

A SIGH, even if it's a teasing one. ]

I take back what I said.

[haematocritical]

[ he’d stick his tongue out but he’s not five. ]

No you don’t.

[ … ]

Come to think of it — are you able to share your name now your face is no longer a mystery? I assumed not until Asa had a moment of possessiveness over the War title.

[mygod]

Yes, she apparently thought I was a devil.

[ stick it out and they will tie it into a bow with magic. ]

As long as you only speak it in private. [ thanks. ] My name is Shadowhand Essek Thelyss.

I apologize for the lack of introductions. I'm sure you understand.

[haematocritical]

Yes, she got rather antsy when I referred to her situation as “her War”.

[ is this the mage equivalent of ‘tying a cherry stem with your tongue’? ]

I’m hardly going to prance around yelling it from the dilapidated rooftops, not after you spent so long insisting I shouldn’t have seen your face at all and needed to keep it a deep, dark secret.

[ there’s a pause. and a thoughtful look. ]

Shadowhand. [ Is that a first name or a title or…? Honestly. Shadowhand. Dubs Gale ‘Evertalking’ and Karlach ‘Bigfirelady’ while we’re at it. ]

[mygod]

It is a touchy subject for her.

[ astarion is so funny. thoughtshare is hell. ]

It is a title. I handle investigative matters for the Bright Queen's court. Spies, mysterious occurrences, that sort of thing. Thelyss is the name of my den.

[haematocritical]

I gathered. She did eventually give me an alternative, if her little … companion? [ not buddy. ] Ever came up in conversation again.

[ you literally chose thoughtshare. ]

Which would make Essek your given name then. [ well. ] Spymaster, essentially? How exciting.

[mygod]

[ NOT BUDDY ]

It is Essek, yes. [ assigning him spymaster like he's a pirate ] Something... like that.

I assume you handled somewhat similar matters with your party?

[haematocritical]

[ "hi i'm asa, and this is my buddy the literal war devil" ]

We didn't have to contend with spies. [ he's really just like wow you sure are a spymaster ] But information gathering I suppose? We had to know where to go, and if there was anyone who could help us.

And then it all blew up vastly out of proportion.

[mygod]

[ IT'S VERY FUNNY AAAA ]

Oh? You mean the Absolute, or just things in general?

[haematocritical]

Oh, the Absolute is definitely a large part of that. I don’t suppose you have any details about dealing with giant Elder Brains running mind control cults stored in that spymaster head of yours, do you?

[mygod]

[ looks at this place. looks into the camera. why are there so many cults for them. ]

Not... particularly. I only know a little study about illithids and their ilk. My people have spent a long time away from the Underdark where such beings can often exist. I imagine you would have to find some way to destroy the source, though I'm sure you knew that much already.

[haematocritical]

No Elder Brain here then, got it.

[ woo... ]

Ugggh. Yes, I expect we will have to go and kill it.

[mygod]

Well, I cannot say the cult won't happen to summon some sort of deranged, Elder Brain with whatever ritual they have planned...

[ just saying ]

Does it worry you? You, Karlach, and Gale seem to be fairly capable, I think. You could just leave them there and perhaps, later, be assimilated and mind controlled...

[haematocritical]

Please, I've had enough of giant brains.

[ no more brains. head empty. ]

I'd rather not be mind controlled at any point, thank you. I'll kill the brain, but I'm not relishing the whole risking my life so blatantly part.

[mygod]

[ hehe. ]

But you will anyway, won't you? Because you have... friends, and those friends are important to you.

[haematocritical]

[ his thoughts are the mental equivalent of :tails: ]

… I like the part where I’m not mind controlled and turned into a tentacled monstrosity a lot too! [ friendship?? ]

[mygod]

[ they actually laugh. ]

I'm sure. I don't deny your own desire to be rid of it. I simply... understand when a few strange people have annoyed you into a friendship with them.

[haematocritical]

[ get mighty nein’d, nerd. ]

I wonder if that’s some bizarre constant. You will get cornered by people and they will try to befriend you.

[mygod]

[ :man_standing: ]

If you had asked me this long ago, I would have laughed at you. But now? I think it might be. Frustratingly. I think it's a constant for people like us.