As you've said, good and bad are reductive. I do not consider it so simple. However, in this theology where only the pious, pure, and devout are rewarded, I would not be accepted.
Though I also don't agree with a religion that has such strict measures on who ought to be saved, that's something else entirely.
[ frowns, because getting into spirituality is such an easy topic to meander but ]
I'm getting off topic. At this point in my life, I can simply say that I will save more people than I have ever harmed. However, that does not erase the harm that has transpired at my hands.
[i am sorry i keep bringing my very spiritual power of prayer connected to the planet girl to famine and asking these questions.]
I don't think it's as simple as sorting the good and the bad for us either. Everyone returns to the same place. [but...hum.] It doesn't erase what's happened in the past. But the future can continue to change. If you want to save people rather than continue to harm them, there isn't anything stopping you. [...] Is it something you regret? Or is it that the harm was necessary and now it's not?
[that's fair. this feels slightly similar to talking to scien and i'm just going to stare into the void. anyway she thinks about this because harm and pain aren't always exactly the same concept, but the fact that they seem to think regretting it would be more of an insult also kind of paints a picture here.]
...how? [how do you save people. this feels like they're implying they mean also back where they're from.]
Before I got here? I governed over my country, tearing down old unjust policies established from the monarchy and have been working to rebuild the system to grand more power to the people. In my spare time, I researched illnesses and saved sickly children.
Oh, so you are aware. [that's nice. she's going to bonk famine and war over the head for fucks sake. but simultaneously she sort of gets it. it doesn't change the things of the past or the motivations behind it.]
The only thing I share with Cloud is anything that changes our situation here. [she shares with other people but cloud's just the default who gets all of her infodumping.] Anything personal about any of you stays with me. Soooo guess your reputation's safe for now.
[a little bit of a joke, but her expression is more thoughtful.]
[that's a good question, and she doesn't have an immediate answer because despite everything aerith does to make people acknowledge their good qualities and convince people to look for the hope in situations and stay positive, she's not...great...at going "yeah i'm a good person" because it seems selfish to say so.]
Maybe. [a middle of the road answer.] I don't think it's really fair to judge myself as a good or a bad person. There are probably things I've done that have hurt people even if they were things I wanted or needed to do. But in the grand scheme of things...as long as I can help somehow I guess that's what matters. Even if my actions may not always be seen as kind.
That's Shinra's calling card. [she sounds pretty annoyed, actually.] Not to mention Sephiroth. Both threats who refuse to believe what they're doing is causing harm to the planet because they only care about what's "good" for their own people.
Yes. [she seems more sure of that.] It's...what I can do. Being who I am. Cetra are people of the planet, and if I can help everyone and the planet herself then that's what I want to do. I want to stop the people who don't care that she's dying, and who don't care who else dies to make profits and get what they want. [and another pause.] I want to get everyone out of here instead of only focusing on a few people.
[and yet she's aware there may be a point she has to pick and choose and that's going to be its own problem.]
[you know she liked this a lot better when she was the one asking famine questions.]
No. I know how to be selfish. [just another part of why she can't outright say "i'm a good person."] There's a lot of things I want, but...the focus is the bigger picture.
But it's a horrible question. [do we. do we love a trolley problem. on the other hand, she does actually get why they're asking in a roundabout way. their conversation led right to this.]
...I can't lose them. [loss intensifies. literally, i suppose, since it continues to glow under her bracelet.] The goal is still to do this without sacrificing more than we might have to.
[but the answer's the same. of course she would choose cloud and yuffie if there really wasn't another choice.]
[she seems to believe that, but that's also probably because she's been surrounded by a good handful of people who really are out here being intentionally cruel both in general and to her specifically. so. she can't be that mad.]
If you were to choose between yourself and the people in your country you're trying to provide a better life for, who would you choose?
But that is because I have had more than enough time, and my story is done. There is nothing left in the world for me to want. It is not personal, or because I believe their lives are worth more than mine.
Only that they are still incomplete.
[ and they look at her, assessing her as if trying to determine whether that is the case for her ]
[yeah no that sounds about right actually. not so much that she thinks there's nothing left in the world for her. of course there is. she's twenty-two, there's always something she still wants. she wants to experience new things and she wants to make new friends and she wants to maybe experience love again with another boy and actually be good for him.
but being who she is, she's aware that perhaps it was going to end this way. there are some threads of fate you can't avoid.]
...there are things I could say I still wish I could have. And of course I've wished for more time. But...I was never gonna have a normal life anyway. If finding a way to reverse what's happened would disrupt the chance for those I love to be able to live theirs, then...I'm happy with what I've been able to have. [and she won't ask for more than that.]
[ famine is quiet and though their expression doesn't change excessively, aerith will at least get the sense that they are listening intently ]
Is there no way for you to live alongside them? I understand that you have died, but is there no version of a wish that brings you back to life without compromising your goals?
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As you've said, good and bad are reductive. I do not consider it so simple. However, in this theology where only the pious, pure, and devout are rewarded, I would not be accepted.
Though I also don't agree with a religion that has such strict measures on who ought to be saved, that's something else entirely.
[ frowns, because getting into spirituality is such an easy topic to meander but ]
I'm getting off topic. At this point in my life, I can simply say that I will save more people than I have ever harmed. However, that does not erase the harm that has transpired at my hands.
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I don't think it's as simple as sorting the good and the bad for us either. Everyone returns to the same place. [but...hum.] It doesn't erase what's happened in the past. But the future can continue to change. If you want to save people rather than continue to harm them, there isn't anything stopping you. [...] Is it something you regret? Or is it that the harm was necessary and now it's not?
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[ only when necessary ]
Lately, it simply has not been needed. So you are right. These days, all I do is save people.
[ they still think they'll probably burn though ]
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...how? [how do you save people. this feels like they're implying they mean also back where they're from.]
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Before I got here? I governed over my country, tearing down old unjust policies established from the monarchy and have been working to rebuild the system to grand more power to the people. In my spare time, I researched illnesses and saved sickly children.
[ a beat ]
Do not tell the others that, though.
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Oh. [OKAY. SHE GUESSES.] Why wouldn't you want them to know?
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[ heaven forbid someone thinks that ]
However I've told you in the context of being good or bad, and I do think that the damage I've done is still considerable.
But people are already trying to think that I am a good and secretly kind person, which is far more inaccurate.
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The only thing I share with Cloud is anything that changes our situation here. [she shares with other people but cloud's just the default who gets all of her infodumping.] Anything personal about any of you stays with me. Soooo guess your reputation's safe for now.
[a little bit of a joke, but her expression is more thoughtful.]
You seem more pragmatic than anything.
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but famine nods at that. hets probably. "aventurine?" fridged for heterosexuality ]
That's a fair word to use.
And what of you? Would you call yourself a good person, in the grand scheme of things?
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Maybe. [a middle of the road answer.] I don't think it's really fair to judge myself as a good or a bad person. There are probably things I've done that have hurt people even if they were things I wanted or needed to do. But in the grand scheme of things...as long as I can help somehow I guess that's what matters. Even if my actions may not always be seen as kind.
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[ they say it... as a statement, not a question, but they tilt their head after as if prompting her to confirm or deny ]
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[so. she's a better person than those people but there's still the hesitance because it just feels odd to confidently say it.]
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[ said wearily. ]
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[and yet she's aware there may be a point she has to pick and choose and that's going to be its own problem.]
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No. I know how to be selfish. [just another part of why she can't outright say "i'm a good person."] There's a lot of things I want, but...the focus is the bigger picture.
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Our goals align in getting as many people out of here as possible, so consider this a thought experiment.
But if you were to choose between your two companions, and ten other random people here, who would you choose? I do not think there is a wrong answer.
[ we love a trolley problem ]
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...I can't lose them. [loss intensifies. literally, i suppose, since it continues to glow under her bracelet.] The goal is still to do this without sacrificing more than we might have to.
[but the answer's the same. of course she would choose cloud and yuffie if there really wasn't another choice.]
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[ it really did come about from their conversation and stems generally from curiosity. a further interest in understanding aerith ]
... but you will still make them endure losing you?
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If you were to choose between yourself and the people in your country you're trying to provide a better life for, who would you choose?
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But that is because I have had more than enough time, and my story is done. There is nothing left in the world for me to want. It is not personal, or because I believe their lives are worth more than mine.
Only that they are still incomplete.
[ and they look at her, assessing her as if trying to determine whether that is the case for her ]
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but being who she is, she's aware that perhaps it was going to end this way. there are some threads of fate you can't avoid.]
...there are things I could say I still wish I could have. And of course I've wished for more time. But...I was never gonna have a normal life anyway. If finding a way to reverse what's happened would disrupt the chance for those I love to be able to live theirs, then...I'm happy with what I've been able to have. [and she won't ask for more than that.]
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Is there no way for you to live alongside them? I understand that you have died, but is there no version of a wish that brings you back to life without compromising your goals?
What is it about your death that is so necessary?
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