[ there's a briefly withering look because he really is sitting here like you've been here three weeks and don't realize your memories fail to align. okay. cool. neat. scien is surrounded by morons.
but he sighs and makes statements that he thinks will prove things the most immediately:]
I'm 26 years old, 86 if you consider the years that stopped before I updated Relivers to age. [ a beat ] In my timeline, Nadia is already 15. She felt well enough to celebrate her birthday with a small group, and could go to bed at a normal child's bedtime. She didn't need medical care, or to stop the gathering from shortness of breath. She was very happy.
[ a pointed stare ]
One of the guests was obviously you. You are 25 years old.
[LISTEN SOMETIMES THE ONLY THINGS THEY TALK ABOUT ARE CERES BEING IN TROUBLE (VAGUE) WHICH IS ALWAYS HAPPENING IN EVERY TIMELINE.
Anyway he's back to looking Mad because this is SO HARD TO BELIEVE. Updating Relivers to age? A happy and healthy Nadia?? Him living past 23??? HELLO. He's at least been exposed to different worlds so the idea of different versions of the same world isn't brain-breaking, but what the hell kind of idealistic-to-the-point-of-insanity reality is this.
...
But at the same time, it's so fucking far-fetched that it gives him pause because surely a supergenius could come up with a better lie. But maybe lying badly for sport is just a thing a king demon would do for the fun of it?? This is about the point where he'd be swinging his halberd Scien's way if he had it.]
Then you're claiming that "you" weren't the one who knocked me unconscious?
[HELLO??? HE??? HE IS THE ONE WHO'S BEING A PAIN????? He wants to crack Scien's head open like a coconut and only barely manages to suppress the urge.]
You weren't trying to "talk reason" to anyone. [BINCH YOU WERE THE ROUTE VILLAIN HE'S IN THE RIGHT THIS TIME (he doesn't know scien becomes the route villain) maybe so...]
You barged in, flung accusations at the minister and then threw a smoke bomb into the room.
[LIKE A MANIAC. "There were a lot of things that Scien said that stuck with him and haunt him especially now that he's detoxing" maybe so...]
Yes. [ just yes. ] That sounds like me, and I'm trying to talk reason to you now. So listen closely. Because those accusations were statements of fact. Your minister is a freak holding your sister hostage to control you, and when you die, he'll experiment on her more blatantly because he's obsessed with genes.
So following my own logic, I probably chose to knock you unconscious before he could order you to kill me—claiming it to be an order from God. Isn't that right, Bourreau?
[ scien massages his shoulder out now, before taking a step forward to face lucas, challenging. ]
Now, your turn for a quiz, Professeur.
Who told you Relivers are demons?
Why was your head always foggy after receiving your so-called medicine? [ scien taps at his own neck now, recalling the injection site scarring he noticed when treating his own lucas ]
And why is it, presumably three weeks after your last dose, you're so heartbroken now?
[Despite the fact that he could truly turn Scien into a smear even nerfed, he takes a reflexive step back. Once again there is SO MUCH HAPPENING IN HIS POOR BROKEN BRAIN.
He's always concerned whenever Nadia is involved, and even he can recall the delicate threat laced through Capucine's words before Scien had interrupted them. The death row inmate, Ortie, obsessed with genes to the point that he'd been ordered to capture Ceres and leave Yves behind...
But the thing is... if that's true, then he led Nadia right into the hands of something even worse than a demon. If it's true, there's no doubt that he's a sinner, a monster beyond compare - someone who would never be able to see Nadia after dying, because there would simply be no way for their souls to go to the same place. If Scien Brofiise is telling the truth, it would mean that every other truth he's known in his life has always, and will always be, a lie.
He may be riding low on the miserable cold turkey detox train but there are still years of brainwashing to undo that make it feel so much easier to shut down these possibilities and continue blaming Scien, even though the sense of unease in him is stronger than it's ever felt. Tersely, through a tense jaw, he only has one single thing to say in response to all these questions his fragile mind can't handle.]
[ when he's ready to confront every single horrible truth that just got rolled in front of him.
though scien moves on quickly after, as he always does. ]
My aim is the same as it ever was. To stop this ritual and get you all home safely.
Now that we're done playing pretend, I can now also say very specifically: I will be getting you and the Claude brat back safely. What you do afterward isn't particularly relevant to me.
[WHEN WILL THAT BE... GOOD QUESTION... PROBABLY NOT ANY TIME SOON AS HE LEAPS FROM BRAINWASHING DETOX INTO POSSESSION TOWN.
He just ignores the first part summarily, but at least some of his hostility ebbs a bit. He's still tense and insanely on his guard, but it's warier and more cautious as opposed to toeing the line of kneejerk violence.]
But getting the two of us back home is? ...I do at least believe in your group's collective efforts. [Even if his brainwashed ass really struggles with the concept of trusting Scien.] But we're hardly your charges.
Let me make sure I understand. From your current perspective, I am the originator and inventor of all those people who you call demons. The Relivers you think you needed to kill. I am the source of the poison in our society that ignored you and your sister, because what I created was abused by people who are callous and lazy.
To you, I probably have no reason to care about anything I deem beneath me, and thus all of my actions here have been nonsensical.
All of that is exactly the way his crazy little brain works, though it irks him to hear it, somehow. It really doesn't make any sense to him at all, why Scien would care for any of them. For anything.]
Are you not the one who instructs the children to think for themselves? To weigh all information, and then carefully come to their conclusions instead of getting swept up in hearsay?
[ so, yes. sort of. it's sort of incorrect. ]
I am not going to pretend that I am a good person. That I am not worthy of some of the scorn you feel—but I also don't believe in turning people into Relivers against their will, or ignoring the practice of basic medicine to abuse my technology. Those idiots who turned you away are no better than the Royals were.
I understand that the notions that you've been fed for the past eight years will make what I'm about to tell you harder to believe, regardless of their veracity.
[ he cants his head to the side, and his eyes focus on lucas. ]
Will you listen? Because I don't care to waste my breath.
[There's a whiplike flash of anger that crosses his face on hearing that, there and gone in a blink. As Scien continues to speak, his expression rests caught somewhere between that ingrained, reflexive disgust and the complex bundle of everything else he can't even begin to untangle just yet.
Even these words are hard to believe. That he's not a good person? Of course. That he's worthy of scorn? More than some, as far as he's concerned. But it's hard to separate the people who would abuse Reliver technology so flagrantly from its creator, especially in his mind.
All the same.]
...I'll listen.
[Curt, but at least not a complete shut-down of conversation. There is perhaps just enough of a seed of doubt and just enough of a weakening of the drug in his system that he can fight against the impulse to end the conversation here and now by putting Scien's head through the ground.]
Then the Claude brat is important to someone that I have become responsible for. [ oh claude one you little freak ] I've also been invested in his... situation for a while already. So I will lend him my aid, after he cried out to me for help, and answer his request.
[ scien fixed mathis once, and he will do it again. however, he has no clue how much lucas knows about that, so he will keep it vague. ]
As for you...
[ this one will feel impossible for lucas to stomach. scien prepares himself to be annoyed, but in the end, it doesn't matter what lucas does or doesn't believe. it does not change his own perspective. ]
You saw it. You called out to me for help, and I took your hand. Since then, I have spent nearly every day of the past three years with you. After healing your sister, I saved you and kept you on as my bodyguard. I do not tell you this with the expectation that you owe me anything. But to me, it is simple.
In another life, you are mine. [ not romantically, not platonically, but some other, menacing and life-altering third thing ] Even if you do not feel any such allegiance to me, I don't care. I respect the you that needed me enough that I will not abandon you now.
[ because scien can count on one hand the number of people who have helped him, who have done anything for him at all. and he always sees his debts through. ]
[Unfortunately Lucas knows too much about it but that kind of works a little in Scien's favor, in the sense that Scien being invested or interested in such a weirdass problem makes... sense. It's a believable thing to hear from him.
THE REST SURE ISN'T, THOUGH!!
He just stares with a sort of blankness, because it really is like PUTTING THE ROUND PEG IN THE SQUARE HOLE IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. Even though he did see it - he saw himself, desperate and reaching out once more, hoping for that hand of salvation yet again - it's hard to believe. Grasping the idea that Scien Brofiise of all people had healed his sister is already hard enough, let alone the notion that they would spend so much time together, that he'd work in his service, that he, too, would be saved.
These extremely fucking banger lines are tragically lost on him, just because he's so shell-shocked to hear them at all.
You chose me once, and I will choose you always.
In another life, you are mine.
But in this life, to whom does he belong? He'd reached out to God and it felt like his prayers had been answered yet again, but with everything he learns and hears, with every newly unblunted emotion he feels, he's watching the painting of a picture so horrific that the mere subconscious thought of it shreds him to pieces.
If he doesn't keep rejecting these truths, there won't be anything left of him.]
...I don't understand. [Quiet, but more distant than the last time he'd said these words to Scien not that long ago.] It doesn't make sense... None of that makes sense. You don't make sense, if what you're saying is true.
[But his logical mind can't piece together a reason for such a bizarre lie.]
Is it that I do not make sense? Or that the truth of who I am does not align with what you've assumed of me?
[ throughout this entire conversation, scien's voice has remained even. it does not matter to him that just moments ago, lucas knocked him into a tree. that one false move can lead to the person who is normally his bodyguard being the one to crush his head in. while scien has enough presence of mind to not intend to die, he lacks any true malice for lucas's resistance to the truth.
it was just easier when he could hire a therapist to do the work of this untangling for him. ]
[A therapist would probably be able to do a better and quicker job of it considering it is what they're trained for but SOMETIMES ALL YOU GOT IS COLD TURKEY DETOX AND A GOD TELLING YOU THAT IN ANOTHER LIFE YOU'RE HIS.]
You don't. [The true Scien Brofiise doesn't align with his assumptions or beliefs at all, but even setting that aside, what sort of person would feel beholden in any way to another version of someone they know, who doesn't carry any of the same emotions or feelings? (He would love any Nadia, on the other hand, but doesn't think to unearth the hypocrisy here.)]
I won't be an asset to you here. [He can't be one, even if he wanted to; he's not in the position for that.] Even assuming you're speaking truthfully about the home you know, I don't understand how it applies to me, especially if our business is finished as soon as we're returned to our own homes.
[It's a care that expects nothing at all of him, and of course he can't believe in that.]
Then thank the version of yourself that has already given himself to me, for he has carried your weight for you.
[ that lucas is annoying in his own way. the one who's always tasked with chasing after scien when he doesn't want to go to meetings, throwing him over his shoulder and forcing him back to his desk. but that lucas also eliminates every threat that comes his way. that lucas puts his life at risk to spare scien's, even though that lucas has so much to live for and this scien couldn't care less about living another year much less sixty.
that is a debt. ]
Do you think memory is so easily rewritten? Do you know for certain that this Claude brat is the one you know? And yet, when you saw him, you knew that he is yours to protect. Even though you know how he feels about Bourreau.
When I see you, it is no different.
[ even though lucas still feels this bloodlust for scien and hasn't fully shaken off his brainwashing. it doesn't change scien's perspective ]
You trusted me with your life and what you held dearest in the world once already, in exchange for placing mine with you. I would not force you to do so again.
[this is going to be so funny when mathis stabs him before he goes out to kill people.
He can't deny that it's true - that he doesn't know with certainty that this Mathis is the same Mathis he knows, which is a startling realization. He'll come to know later when he gets another peek into a memory he's in that he doesn't recall, and he'll know this to be true, then - that he would protect Mathis even knowing this isn't "his" Mathis.
It's so, so difficult for him to imagine the same applying to Scien, though. To think that some distant version of himself he knows nothing about, who had walked a similar and yet divergent path from him, had freely given himself to a being that he struggles to see as anything but the worst demon...
(But if Scien Brofiise is the worst demon, what does that make him?)
Finally, the unsettled feeling that's been growing and overtaking his pulses of violence and kneejerk anger reaches a point that makes it hard to ignore. He eases back another step, the aggression of his posture replaced by something more defensive and self-protective, which is very funny considering he is by far the bigger threat.
Quietly, after a long pause in which he fails to really digest any of this:]
...I will rely on you and work with you here, given the very obvious discrepancy in ability and access between the two of us, but... I don't want your protection. [YOU FOOL.] I recognize you won't care. You've told me you don't care before, over other, similar things, and I don't expect you to change. If Mathis were to say the same to me should he come to learn more, I would still protect him as well. I understand that.
[But he's still going to verbally swat at the hand of god.]
Make your request as you please, if only to satisfy your own ear. I will heed it when I feel like it, but understand this—I already know you. I know you wish to return to your sister. I understand what you've done to keep her safe. I am aware it is destroying you from the inside. I do not condemn you for it.
[ scien's voice, as always, is not gentle. but it is even. assured. steady and stable, against the crashing waves of lucas's own distress.
what is it like, to have the one you call a demon already know so much about your life? your hopes? your dreams? despite everything, scien wouldn't even say that he and his lucas have an especially close relationship... but he knows lucas wants to go back to teaching. he knows that he wants a simple, quiet life with his sister. he knows the lengths lucas will go to in order to reach for that dream.
for so long, he thought that those things had nothing to do with him. (nevermind that he was the one sent lucas to therapy, who healed nadia, who healed lucas.) ]
Take your life into your own hands. And for everything that remains that you cannot accomplish yourself, I will answer your every prayer. Even those that this you finds too selfish to speak aloud.
[the way i was like OH NO LUCAS GETTING BODIED but in reality more than anything he's just reflexively angry over the fact that this DEMON just called himself GOD in front of his SALAD.......
The rest is just-- unnerving. Unsettling, and in more ways than simply who he's being seen by. He's lived nearly his entire life without being seen. He would never have survived so long both as Bourreau and as a violently fragile person if that wasn't the case. He's so very clever in his hiding that he often can't even find himself, and this feels rather like a rock being lifted with all the writhing insects below exposed to the air. He hates it, hates the skin-crawling feeling of it, hates the acknowledgment and hates the acceptance.
Being seen is a terrifying thing, and he can't tell if the kick of agitation he feels is because of that fear, or because of what that fear means. (Or maybe it's possession!)]
You may be his god, but you aren't mine. I have no prayers for you.
[It's hard to imagine any version of himself getting so comfortable with Scien that Scien would just SAY SHIT LIKE THIS AT ALL without any worry of being piledriven into the floor, but at the very least, he can draw a distinct line in the sand.]
I need no help beyond the help that we all need to return home, and for whatever bit I don't have to leave in your hands, I won't. Don't expect anything of me, no matter how well you think you know me.
[The fact that Scien knows Lucas better than Lucas knows Lucas currently, but he looks ready to lash out about this anyway.]
Shut up and take your shower before you get dizzy from your own noxious fumes, Bourreau.
[ in the bnb that scien gave him access to, before he returns to the church and writes in the notebook that scien ordered for him. is it true that any of the npcs could have done this? yeah. it's just a funny, hilarious little cosmic joke that it's been scien ]
[HE IS VERY CLEAN THANK YOU HE WAS TAKING SHOWERS IN THE NICE HAMSTER HOUSES ALL LAST WEEK. Also it's not his fault he ordered his notebook from demons r us without realizing it LISTEN.
A biting little sour part of him almost wants to just leave and go bathe in the stream with the leeches rather than take up Scien on even this smallest of offers, but. He really does. Want a shower. He'd looked for a shower in the new place and found nothing as good as the nice, clean bnb which is why he'd asked to borrow it at all even though he absolutely showered one last time in the beach house just a day prior.
[ and they finally proceed into the bnb, where lucas can now come daily for his little shower routine.
scien knows lucas is wrong. he's entirely aware that he knows the grander picture of what lucas has been through more than lucas. however, he's also not going to argue with someone who still hasn't shaken off the brainwashing, and also has a 50% chance of being monster possessed this week. (he will think on that later, and what that means, and if he is already too late to see through his word. he's always just a little too late.) ]
But he will go take his nice shower thanks very much. Once he's all nice and clean, he'll make his way back out. Is Scien still hanging around or has he gone off to do other Scien things.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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but he sighs and makes statements that he thinks will prove things the most immediately:]
I'm 26 years old, 86 if you consider the years that stopped before I updated Relivers to age. [ a beat ] In my timeline, Nadia is already 15. She felt well enough to celebrate her birthday with a small group, and could go to bed at a normal child's bedtime. She didn't need medical care, or to stop the gathering from shortness of breath. She was very happy.
[ a pointed stare ]
One of the guests was obviously you. You are 25 years old.
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Anyway he's back to looking Mad because this is SO HARD TO BELIEVE. Updating Relivers to age? A happy and healthy Nadia?? Him living past 23??? HELLO. He's at least been exposed to different worlds so the idea of different versions of the same world isn't brain-breaking, but what the hell kind of idealistic-to-the-point-of-insanity reality is this.
...
But at the same time, it's so fucking far-fetched that it gives him pause because surely a supergenius could come up with a better lie. But maybe lying badly for sport is just a thing a king demon would do for the fun of it?? This is about the point where he'd be swinging his halberd Scien's way if he had it.]
Then you're claiming that "you" weren't the one who knocked me unconscious?
[A LIKELY STORY.]
[1/2]
[ TO BE VERY CLEAR ]
I would probably do that because clearly trying to talk reason to you is a pain. This is a pain.
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What was the last exchange that you recall? Because you pleading for help and my answering your call was the very first time we met.
In my experience.
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You weren't trying to "talk reason" to anyone. [BINCH YOU WERE THE ROUTE VILLAIN HE'S IN THE RIGHT THIS TIME (he doesn't know scien becomes the route villain) maybe so...]
You barged in, flung accusations at the minister and then threw a smoke bomb into the room.
[LIKE A MANIAC. "There were a lot of things that Scien said that stuck with him and haunt him especially now that he's detoxing" maybe so...]
no subject
So following my own logic, I probably chose to knock you unconscious before he could order you to kill me—claiming it to be an order from God. Isn't that right, Bourreau?
[ scien massages his shoulder out now, before taking a step forward to face lucas, challenging. ]
Now, your turn for a quiz, Professeur.
Who told you Relivers are demons?
Why was your head always foggy after receiving your so-called medicine? [ scien taps at his own neck now, recalling the injection site scarring he noticed when treating his own lucas ]
And why is it, presumably three weeks after your last dose, you're so heartbroken now?
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He's always concerned whenever Nadia is involved, and even he can recall the delicate threat laced through Capucine's words before Scien had interrupted them. The death row inmate, Ortie, obsessed with genes to the point that he'd been ordered to capture Ceres and leave Yves behind...
But the thing is... if that's true, then he led Nadia right into the hands of something even worse than a demon. If it's true, there's no doubt that he's a sinner, a monster beyond compare - someone who would never be able to see Nadia after dying, because there would simply be no way for their souls to go to the same place. If Scien Brofiise is telling the truth, it would mean that every other truth he's known in his life has always, and will always be, a lie.
He may be riding low on the miserable cold turkey detox train but there are still years of brainwashing to undo that make it feel so much easier to shut down these possibilities and continue blaming Scien, even though the sense of unease in him is stronger than it's ever felt. Tersely, through a tense jaw, he only has one single thing to say in response to all these questions his fragile mind can't handle.]
What is your aim?
no subject
[ when he's ready to confront every single horrible truth that just got rolled in front of him.
though scien moves on quickly after, as he always does. ]
My aim is the same as it ever was. To stop this ritual and get you all home safely.
Now that we're done playing pretend, I can now also say very specifically: I will be getting you and the Claude brat back safely. What you do afterward isn't particularly relevant to me.
no subject
He just ignores the first part summarily, but at least some of his hostility ebbs a bit. He's still tense and insanely on his guard, but it's warier and more cautious as opposed to toeing the line of kneejerk violence.]
But getting the two of us back home is? ...I do at least believe in your group's collective efforts. [Even if his brainwashed ass really struggles with the concept of trusting Scien.] But we're hardly your charges.
no subject
[ be nice ]
Let me make sure I understand. From your current perspective, I am the originator and inventor of all those people who you call demons. The Relivers you think you needed to kill. I am the source of the poison in our society that ignored you and your sister, because what I created was abused by people who are callous and lazy.
To you, I probably have no reason to care about anything I deem beneath me, and thus all of my actions here have been nonsensical.
Is that right?
no subject
All of that is exactly the way his crazy little brain works, though it irks him to hear it, somehow. It really doesn't make any sense to him at all, why Scien would care for any of them. For anything.]
You're saying that this is incorrect, then?
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[ so, yes. sort of. it's sort of incorrect. ]
I am not going to pretend that I am a good person. That I am not worthy of some of the scorn you feel—but I also don't believe in turning people into Relivers against their will, or ignoring the practice of basic medicine to abuse my technology. Those idiots who turned you away are no better than the Royals were.
I understand that the notions that you've been fed for the past eight years will make what I'm about to tell you harder to believe, regardless of their veracity.
[ he cants his head to the side, and his eyes focus on lucas. ]
Will you listen? Because I don't care to waste my breath.
no subject
Even these words are hard to believe. That he's not a good person? Of course. That he's worthy of scorn? More than some, as far as he's concerned. But it's hard to separate the people who would abuse Reliver technology so flagrantly from its creator, especially in his mind.
All the same.]
...I'll listen.
[Curt, but at least not a complete shut-down of conversation. There is perhaps just enough of a seed of doubt and just enough of a weakening of the drug in his system that he can fight against the impulse to end the conversation here and now by putting Scien's head through the ground.]
no subject
[ scien fixed mathis once, and he will do it again. however, he has no clue how much lucas knows about that, so he will keep it vague. ]
As for you...
[ this one will feel impossible for lucas to stomach. scien prepares himself to be annoyed, but in the end, it doesn't matter what lucas does or doesn't believe. it does not change his own perspective. ]
You saw it. You called out to me for help, and I took your hand. Since then, I have spent nearly every day of the past three years with you. After healing your sister, I saved you and kept you on as my bodyguard. I do not tell you this with the expectation that you owe me anything. But to me, it is simple.
In another life, you are mine. [ not romantically, not platonically, but some other, menacing and life-altering third thing ] Even if you do not feel any such allegiance to me, I don't care. I respect the you that needed me enough that I will not abandon you now.
[ because scien can count on one hand the number of people who have helped him, who have done anything for him at all. and he always sees his debts through. ]
You chose me once, and I will choose you always.
no subject
THE REST SURE ISN'T, THOUGH!!
He just stares with a sort of blankness, because it really is like PUTTING THE ROUND PEG IN THE SQUARE HOLE IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. Even though he did see it - he saw himself, desperate and reaching out once more, hoping for that hand of salvation yet again - it's hard to believe. Grasping the idea that Scien Brofiise of all people had healed his sister is already hard enough, let alone the notion that they would spend so much time together, that he'd work in his service, that he, too, would be saved.
These extremely fucking banger lines are tragically lost on him, just because he's so shell-shocked to hear them at all.
You chose me once, and I will choose you always.
In another life, you are mine.
But in this life, to whom does he belong? He'd reached out to God and it felt like his prayers had been answered yet again, but with everything he learns and hears, with every newly unblunted emotion he feels, he's watching the painting of a picture so horrific that the mere subconscious thought of it shreds him to pieces.
If he doesn't keep rejecting these truths, there won't be anything left of him.]
...I don't understand. [Quiet, but more distant than the last time he'd said these words to Scien not that long ago.] It doesn't make sense... None of that makes sense. You don't make sense, if what you're saying is true.
[But his logical mind can't piece together a reason for such a bizarre lie.]
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[ throughout this entire conversation, scien's voice has remained even. it does not matter to him that just moments ago, lucas knocked him into a tree. that one false move can lead to the person who is normally his bodyguard being the one to crush his head in. while scien has enough presence of mind to not intend to die, he lacks any true malice for lucas's resistance to the truth.
it was just easier when he could hire a therapist to do the work of this untangling for him. ]
What is it about me that you struggle to believe?
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You don't. [The true Scien Brofiise doesn't align with his assumptions or beliefs at all, but even setting that aside, what sort of person would feel beholden in any way to another version of someone they know, who doesn't carry any of the same emotions or feelings? (He would love any Nadia, on the other hand, but doesn't think to unearth the hypocrisy here.)]
I won't be an asset to you here. [He can't be one, even if he wanted to; he's not in the position for that.] Even assuming you're speaking truthfully about the home you know, I don't understand how it applies to me, especially if our business is finished as soon as we're returned to our own homes.
[It's a care that expects nothing at all of him, and of course he can't believe in that.]
no subject
[ that lucas is annoying in his own way. the one who's always tasked with chasing after scien when he doesn't want to go to meetings, throwing him over his shoulder and forcing him back to his desk. but that lucas also eliminates every threat that comes his way. that lucas puts his life at risk to spare scien's, even though that lucas has so much to live for and this scien couldn't care less about living another year much less sixty.
that is a debt. ]
Do you think memory is so easily rewritten? Do you know for certain that this Claude brat is the one you know? And yet, when you saw him, you knew that he is yours to protect. Even though you know how he feels about Bourreau.
When I see you, it is no different.
[ even though lucas still feels this bloodlust for scien and hasn't fully shaken off his brainwashing. it doesn't change scien's perspective ]
You trusted me with your life and what you held dearest in the world once already, in exchange for placing mine with you. I would not force you to do so again.
no subject
He can't deny that it's true - that he doesn't know with certainty that this Mathis is the same Mathis he knows, which is a startling realization. He'll come to know later when he gets another peek into a memory he's in that he doesn't recall, and he'll know this to be true, then - that he would protect Mathis even knowing this isn't "his" Mathis.
It's so, so difficult for him to imagine the same applying to Scien, though. To think that some distant version of himself he knows nothing about, who had walked a similar and yet divergent path from him, had freely given himself to a being that he struggles to see as anything but the worst demon...
(But if Scien Brofiise is the worst demon, what does that make him?)
Finally, the unsettled feeling that's been growing and overtaking his pulses of violence and kneejerk anger reaches a point that makes it hard to ignore. He eases back another step, the aggression of his posture replaced by something more defensive and self-protective, which is very funny considering he is by far the bigger threat.
Quietly, after a long pause in which he fails to really digest any of this:]
...I will rely on you and work with you here, given the very obvious discrepancy in ability and access between the two of us, but... I don't want your protection. [YOU FOOL.] I recognize you won't care. You've told me you don't care before, over other, similar things, and I don't expect you to change. If Mathis were to say the same to me should he come to learn more, I would still protect him as well. I understand that.
[But he's still going to verbally swat at the hand of god.]
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[ scien's voice, as always, is not gentle. but it is even. assured. steady and stable, against the crashing waves of lucas's own distress.
what is it like, to have the one you call a demon already know so much about your life? your hopes? your dreams? despite everything, scien wouldn't even say that he and his lucas have an especially close relationship... but he knows lucas wants to go back to teaching. he knows that he wants a simple, quiet life with his sister. he knows the lengths lucas will go to in order to reach for that dream.
for so long, he thought that those things had nothing to do with him. (nevermind that he was the one sent lucas to therapy, who healed nadia, who healed lucas.) ]
Take your life into your own hands. And for everything that remains that you cannot accomplish yourself, I will answer your every prayer. Even those that this you finds too selfish to speak aloud.
That is my own decision, as your god.
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The rest is just-- unnerving. Unsettling, and in more ways than simply who he's being seen by. He's lived nearly his entire life without being seen. He would never have survived so long both as Bourreau and as a violently fragile person if that wasn't the case. He's so very clever in his hiding that he often can't even find himself, and this feels rather like a rock being lifted with all the writhing insects below exposed to the air. He hates it, hates the skin-crawling feeling of it, hates the acknowledgment and hates the acceptance.
Being seen is a terrifying thing, and he can't tell if the kick of agitation he feels is because of that fear, or because of what that fear means. (Or maybe it's possession!)]
You may be his god, but you aren't mine. I have no prayers for you.
[It's hard to imagine any version of himself getting so comfortable with Scien that Scien would just SAY SHIT LIKE THIS AT ALL without any worry of being piledriven into the floor, but at the very least, he can draw a distinct line in the sand.]
I need no help beyond the help that we all need to return home, and for whatever bit I don't have to leave in your hands, I won't. Don't expect anything of me, no matter how well you think you know me.
[The fact that Scien knows Lucas better than Lucas knows Lucas currently, but he looks ready to lash out about this anyway.]
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scien ignores this ]
Shut up and take your shower before you get dizzy from your own noxious fumes, Bourreau.
[ in the bnb that scien gave him access to, before he returns to the church and writes in the notebook that scien ordered for him. is it true that any of the npcs could have done this? yeah. it's just a funny, hilarious little cosmic joke that it's been scien ]
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A biting little sour part of him almost wants to just leave and go bathe in the stream with the leeches rather than take up Scien on even this smallest of offers, but. He really does. Want a shower. He'd looked for a shower in the new place and found nothing as good as the nice, clean bnb which is why he'd asked to borrow it at all even though he absolutely showered one last time in the beach house just a day prior.
AND NOW THIS!!!!!!
...Well, he's nothing if not polite, at least.]
Thank you.
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You're welcome.
[ and they finally proceed into the bnb, where lucas can now come daily for his little shower routine.
scien knows lucas is wrong. he's entirely aware that he knows the grander picture of what lucas has been through more than lucas. however, he's also not going to argue with someone who still hasn't shaken off the brainwashing, and also has a 50% chance of being monster possessed this week. (he will think on that later, and what that means, and if he is already too late to see through his word. he's always just a little too late.) ]
Don't slip this time.
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But he will go take his nice shower thanks very much. Once he's all nice and clean, he'll make his way back out. Is Scien still hanging around or has he gone off to do other Scien things.]
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