Make your request as you please, if only to satisfy your own ear. I will heed it when I feel like it, but understand this—I already know you. I know you wish to return to your sister. I understand what you've done to keep her safe. I am aware it is destroying you from the inside. I do not condemn you for it.
[ scien's voice, as always, is not gentle. but it is even. assured. steady and stable, against the crashing waves of lucas's own distress.
what is it like, to have the one you call a demon already know so much about your life? your hopes? your dreams? despite everything, scien wouldn't even say that he and his lucas have an especially close relationship... but he knows lucas wants to go back to teaching. he knows that he wants a simple, quiet life with his sister. he knows the lengths lucas will go to in order to reach for that dream.
for so long, he thought that those things had nothing to do with him. (nevermind that he was the one sent lucas to therapy, who healed nadia, who healed lucas.) ]
Take your life into your own hands. And for everything that remains that you cannot accomplish yourself, I will answer your every prayer. Even those that this you finds too selfish to speak aloud.
[the way i was like OH NO LUCAS GETTING BODIED but in reality more than anything he's just reflexively angry over the fact that this DEMON just called himself GOD in front of his SALAD.......
The rest is just-- unnerving. Unsettling, and in more ways than simply who he's being seen by. He's lived nearly his entire life without being seen. He would never have survived so long both as Bourreau and as a violently fragile person if that wasn't the case. He's so very clever in his hiding that he often can't even find himself, and this feels rather like a rock being lifted with all the writhing insects below exposed to the air. He hates it, hates the skin-crawling feeling of it, hates the acknowledgment and hates the acceptance.
Being seen is a terrifying thing, and he can't tell if the kick of agitation he feels is because of that fear, or because of what that fear means. (Or maybe it's possession!)]
You may be his god, but you aren't mine. I have no prayers for you.
[It's hard to imagine any version of himself getting so comfortable with Scien that Scien would just SAY SHIT LIKE THIS AT ALL without any worry of being piledriven into the floor, but at the very least, he can draw a distinct line in the sand.]
I need no help beyond the help that we all need to return home, and for whatever bit I don't have to leave in your hands, I won't. Don't expect anything of me, no matter how well you think you know me.
[The fact that Scien knows Lucas better than Lucas knows Lucas currently, but he looks ready to lash out about this anyway.]
Shut up and take your shower before you get dizzy from your own noxious fumes, Bourreau.
[ in the bnb that scien gave him access to, before he returns to the church and writes in the notebook that scien ordered for him. is it true that any of the npcs could have done this? yeah. it's just a funny, hilarious little cosmic joke that it's been scien ]
[HE IS VERY CLEAN THANK YOU HE WAS TAKING SHOWERS IN THE NICE HAMSTER HOUSES ALL LAST WEEK. Also it's not his fault he ordered his notebook from demons r us without realizing it LISTEN.
A biting little sour part of him almost wants to just leave and go bathe in the stream with the leeches rather than take up Scien on even this smallest of offers, but. He really does. Want a shower. He'd looked for a shower in the new place and found nothing as good as the nice, clean bnb which is why he'd asked to borrow it at all even though he absolutely showered one last time in the beach house just a day prior.
[ and they finally proceed into the bnb, where lucas can now come daily for his little shower routine.
scien knows lucas is wrong. he's entirely aware that he knows the grander picture of what lucas has been through more than lucas. however, he's also not going to argue with someone who still hasn't shaken off the brainwashing, and also has a 50% chance of being monster possessed this week. (he will think on that later, and what that means, and if he is already too late to see through his word. he's always just a little too late.) ]
But he will go take his nice shower thanks very much. Once he's all nice and clean, he'll make his way back out. Is Scien still hanging around or has he gone off to do other Scien things.]
[GOD. Well, he'd been hoping that he could just slip out the door unnoticed, and he kind of pauses for a second because he very insanely considers just escaping out a window instead. He doesn't, but only because he knows he's going to have to see this fucking guy again...
SO OVER HE WALKS, not dripping this time because he has so many articles of clothing thanks to Caelus and assuming they didn't all disappear along with the island, so he doesn't need to wash his one pair of pants in a shower stall... He's braiding his damp hair when he appears, expression carefully neutral.]
I'd rather you stop referring to me directly. [JUST BY ANY NAME. HE SAID I DON'T EVEN WANT YOU CALLING ME LUCAS I DON'T WANT YOU CALLING ME AT ALL.] What is it?
[ tossing a small plastic container over. inside it are a bunch of small pills. scien will at least open the door and incline his head for lucas to join him out in the garden so that they don't need to worry about will and the other overseers listening in ]
[Catching it deftly! i miss the days of being beaned with shit people threw
As he moves to follow Scien out into the garden and away from Will, Some Other Arknight, and Furry Itachi, he'll peer into the container and see all these lil pills. Frowns.]
Your chills, headaches, and spells of weakness that aren't related to your age are a result of a sudden detox. Don't take the fake medicine that Ortie gave you. They're drugs that dull your thinking and will set you back all over again.
You don't have to take the pills, but they will take the edge off when you suffer withdrawals again. It'll only be a temporary reprieve, but I don't have my full lab to work with.
[ and i know you want to keep your detox symptoms you freak but scien wouldn't just let his dog walk around suffering now that he's figured out what the problem is ]
[FINALLY ON THIS WEEK 3 LUCAS LEARNS HE'S GOING THROUGH A DRUG DETOX..........
He's still like (eyes narrow suspiciously) about it though as he recaps the bottle. ...At the same time, he can't deny that he'd explicitly chosen not to take that "medicine" because it makes it so hard to think. It had been tempting, when the emotional turmoil was particularly rough, but... Part of him has always been aware of the fact that it was never anything good.]
...If I ask "why have you made this?", I assume your answer would be more of the same from earlier?
[Some weird sense of obligation or duty to protect that still seems so at odds with the caricature of a demon that exists in his mind.]
[ all of the reasons already stated. because it's inconvenient to talk reason to him when he's mind controlled. because scien prefers a version of him that can make his own choices. because lucas is, and always will be, his. ]
You care so much about being a 'good person'. I still don't care about those things, but you do.
So you ought to look at your choices with clearer eyes, and start rebuilding your journey to be 'good' from there.
[There's a little huff of a sardonic laugh at the mention of him not caring about being a good person. Every piece that aligns with his mental image of Scien is so much easier to accept and understand than the parts that chip away at that image, standing stark and painful against it.
Still, he pockets the bottle after looking at it for a few seconds more.]
Thank you. [Distant, but polite.] If there's nothing else you wish to say, I'll take my leave.
but in the end, none of this has been about convincing lucas one way or another. he was sincere in his simple statement that he expects nothing in return. not lucas's allegiance nor his kindness. his company was enough.
failing that, then his recovery is enough. clearing his head. getting him home.
there is a part of scien that thinks about the fifty percent chance that lucas will be a killer again come thursday, this time agains his will. he knows he will be working even harder this week to find an alternative to the ritual that will not require him to die. (he doesn't know yet that he will fail. he doesn't know that once again, he will fail one of the few times it truly matters.) ]
[It catches him off his guard just as much as anything else Scien's said so far today - another little crack in the myriad of cracks that have begun to form in the support beams of his life.
Scien had said his company was enough, and that he would answer without expecting anything in return. Even now, "be careful" feels like a phrase with no strings attached. Just a simple statement with genuine intent behind it. Something about that makes his heart squeeze painfully, because if he thinks for too long and too hard, he would have to realize that he's never heard those words before. Nadia doesn't know what he does, doesn't have a reason to tell him this. Capucine... is a mess on his own.
Even the first minister, colored in such lovely shades of nostalgia in his mind, had never once told him to take care, sending him out into the night with a dagger, a parting dose of medicine, and towering expectations.
He's quiet for a few long seconds, jaw working a little as his conscious and subconscious mind war against each other. Then, he turns on his heel.]
I won't die without seeing Nadia one last time.
[So of course he'll be careful. Of course he'll take care. He'd already snuffed out a life for the sake of his little sister's health, and he can't let that life languish in vain. Taking it will always weigh on him, but... at the very least, he can still cling to that last hope. That he's finally overcome the biggest trial, and his hands won't have to be bloodied again.
With little more, he'll take his leave. (He'll be back for his fucking showers.)]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ scien's voice, as always, is not gentle. but it is even. assured. steady and stable, against the crashing waves of lucas's own distress.
what is it like, to have the one you call a demon already know so much about your life? your hopes? your dreams? despite everything, scien wouldn't even say that he and his lucas have an especially close relationship... but he knows lucas wants to go back to teaching. he knows that he wants a simple, quiet life with his sister. he knows the lengths lucas will go to in order to reach for that dream.
for so long, he thought that those things had nothing to do with him. (nevermind that he was the one sent lucas to therapy, who healed nadia, who healed lucas.) ]
Take your life into your own hands. And for everything that remains that you cannot accomplish yourself, I will answer your every prayer. Even those that this you finds too selfish to speak aloud.
That is my own decision, as your god.
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The rest is just-- unnerving. Unsettling, and in more ways than simply who he's being seen by. He's lived nearly his entire life without being seen. He would never have survived so long both as Bourreau and as a violently fragile person if that wasn't the case. He's so very clever in his hiding that he often can't even find himself, and this feels rather like a rock being lifted with all the writhing insects below exposed to the air. He hates it, hates the skin-crawling feeling of it, hates the acknowledgment and hates the acceptance.
Being seen is a terrifying thing, and he can't tell if the kick of agitation he feels is because of that fear, or because of what that fear means. (Or maybe it's possession!)]
You may be his god, but you aren't mine. I have no prayers for you.
[It's hard to imagine any version of himself getting so comfortable with Scien that Scien would just SAY SHIT LIKE THIS AT ALL without any worry of being piledriven into the floor, but at the very least, he can draw a distinct line in the sand.]
I need no help beyond the help that we all need to return home, and for whatever bit I don't have to leave in your hands, I won't. Don't expect anything of me, no matter how well you think you know me.
[The fact that Scien knows Lucas better than Lucas knows Lucas currently, but he looks ready to lash out about this anyway.]
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scien ignores this ]
Shut up and take your shower before you get dizzy from your own noxious fumes, Bourreau.
[ in the bnb that scien gave him access to, before he returns to the church and writes in the notebook that scien ordered for him. is it true that any of the npcs could have done this? yeah. it's just a funny, hilarious little cosmic joke that it's been scien ]
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A biting little sour part of him almost wants to just leave and go bathe in the stream with the leeches rather than take up Scien on even this smallest of offers, but. He really does. Want a shower. He'd looked for a shower in the new place and found nothing as good as the nice, clean bnb which is why he'd asked to borrow it at all even though he absolutely showered one last time in the beach house just a day prior.
AND NOW THIS!!!!!!
...Well, he's nothing if not polite, at least.]
Thank you.
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You're welcome.
[ and they finally proceed into the bnb, where lucas can now come daily for his little shower routine.
scien knows lucas is wrong. he's entirely aware that he knows the grander picture of what lucas has been through more than lucas. however, he's also not going to argue with someone who still hasn't shaken off the brainwashing, and also has a 50% chance of being monster possessed this week. (he will think on that later, and what that means, and if he is already too late to see through his word. he's always just a little too late.) ]
Don't slip this time.
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But he will go take his nice shower thanks very much. Once he's all nice and clean, he'll make his way back out. Is Scien still hanging around or has he gone off to do other Scien things.]
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Come here, Smelly.
[ HE'S NOT EVEN SMELLY ANYMOOOOORE but scien's just toward the front of the bnb, in the entryway living room that i just made up ]
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SO OVER HE WALKS, not dripping this time because he has so many articles of clothing thanks to Caelus and assuming they didn't all disappear along with the island, so he doesn't need to wash his one pair of pants in a shower stall... He's braiding his damp hair when he appears, expression carefully neutral.]
I'd rather you stop referring to me directly. [JUST BY ANY NAME. HE SAID I DON'T EVEN WANT YOU CALLING ME LUCAS I DON'T WANT YOU CALLING ME AT ALL.] What is it?
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[ tossing a small plastic container over. inside it are a bunch of small pills. scien will at least open the door and incline his head for lucas to join him out in the garden so that they don't need to worry about will and the other overseers listening in ]
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As he moves to follow Scien out into the garden and away from Will, Some Other Arknight, and Furry Itachi, he'll peer into the container and see all these lil pills. Frowns.]
What are these...?
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Your chills, headaches, and spells of weakness that aren't related to your age are a result of a sudden detox. Don't take the fake medicine that Ortie gave you. They're drugs that dull your thinking and will set you back all over again.
You don't have to take the pills, but they will take the edge off when you suffer withdrawals again. It'll only be a temporary reprieve, but I don't have my full lab to work with.
[ and i know you want to keep your detox symptoms you freak but scien wouldn't just let his dog walk around suffering now that he's figured out what the problem is ]
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He's still like (eyes narrow suspiciously) about it though as he recaps the bottle. ...At the same time, he can't deny that he'd explicitly chosen not to take that "medicine" because it makes it so hard to think. It had been tempting, when the emotional turmoil was particularly rough, but... Part of him has always been aware of the fact that it was never anything good.]
...If I ask "why have you made this?", I assume your answer would be more of the same from earlier?
[Some weird sense of obligation or duty to protect that still seems so at odds with the caricature of a demon that exists in his mind.]
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[ all of the reasons already stated. because it's inconvenient to talk reason to him when he's mind controlled. because scien prefers a version of him that can make his own choices. because lucas is, and always will be, his. ]
You care so much about being a 'good person'. I still don't care about those things, but you do.
So you ought to look at your choices with clearer eyes, and start rebuilding your journey to be 'good' from there.
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Still, he pockets the bottle after looking at it for a few seconds more.]
Thank you. [Distant, but polite.] If there's nothing else you wish to say, I'll take my leave.
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but in the end, none of this has been about convincing lucas one way or another. he was sincere in his simple statement that he expects nothing in return. not lucas's allegiance nor his kindness. his company was enough.
failing that, then his recovery is enough. clearing his head. getting him home.
there is a part of scien that thinks about the fifty percent chance that lucas will be a killer again come thursday, this time agains his will. he knows he will be working even harder this week to find an alternative to the ritual that will not require him to die. (he doesn't know yet that he will fail. he doesn't know that once again, he will fail one of the few times it truly matters.) ]
... be careful.
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Scien had said his company was enough, and that he would answer without expecting anything in return. Even now, "be careful" feels like a phrase with no strings attached. Just a simple statement with genuine intent behind it. Something about that makes his heart squeeze painfully, because if he thinks for too long and too hard, he would have to realize that he's never heard those words before. Nadia doesn't know what he does, doesn't have a reason to tell him this. Capucine... is a mess on his own.
Even the first minister, colored in such lovely shades of nostalgia in his mind, had never once told him to take care, sending him out into the night with a dagger, a parting dose of medicine, and towering expectations.
He's quiet for a few long seconds, jaw working a little as his conscious and subconscious mind war against each other. Then, he turns on his heel.]
I won't die without seeing Nadia one last time.
[So of course he'll be careful. Of course he'll take care. He'd already snuffed out a life for the sake of his little sister's health, and he can't let that life languish in vain. Taking it will always weigh on him, but... at the very least, he can still cling to that last hope. That he's finally overcome the biggest trial, and his hands won't have to be bloodied again.
With little more, he'll take his leave. (He'll be back for his fucking showers.)]