But also this makes no sense to him and it's a little frustrating when he feels like he should be punished (it's fine he will be, thanks cosmic god). He won't turn tail just yet. Instead:]
...I don't understand that, either. Should your opinion of a person who would take an innocent life and continue living regardless not change? Should such a person not be condemned? Their company reviled?
I do not care what scores people settle in their life. I find most death to be unnecessary, but am aware that if you kill someone perceived as 'innocent', then you would be judged more harshly for it. It is not my place to decide if that is wrong or right of society.
Would you rather I call you evil for what you've done? Or say that your action could be considered unforgivable?
[ it is an open, curious question. famine does not ask it with any sense of judgment or condemnation. ]
And what would you say if I—even after calling you evil or wrong—would still choose to remain with you?
Taking an innocent life is certainly an evil, unforgivable action...
[Which means... he is... evil????? But. This is at odds with all of his years of (redacted) and (redacted) and the absolutely infallible knowledge that God just sometimes gives you hitlists. If he thinks too hard about this, it leaves him feeling extremely unsettled. Almost like killing people in general is... bad!
That's a lot to process though he reels away from it, shaking his head once as if to clear it.]
—I would ask why you would say such a thing to such a person.
I am not saying it to 'such a person'. I am saying it to you.
[ direct. straightforward. painfully so, without leaving room for lucas to hide.
but aside from that mild correction, famine will shake their head. to them, the answer is simple. ]
Good and evil are but words to me. Actions are actions, and people are people. One action you take will not negate the rest of the time I have spent with you. It doesn't matter to me how you label yourself, only that you are alive to do so.
[ a beat. frowns. ]
... is what I would like to say, if you were not wrestling with yourself.
[STOP HE WANTS TO HIDE he wants to run and hide. Or maybe just pass out behind a pew for a few hours. Or maybe cave and indulge in his terrible care package. Maybe all of these things!! His posture remains the same but there's still an air of drawing further into himself.]
I'm not. [Damn the liar lies reflexively. Wish he would make a comment on the fact that they have only known each other 2 weeks but unfortunately he fell in love with Ceres at sight so while he does find it unusual, it's not enough to comment on, especially when he's currently DISTRACTED.]
A thought experiment. The Claude that you're always attached to. He pulled a knife out on someone this week, didn't he? If he followed through and killed him, would that make him evil? Worthy of condemnation the way you've suggested, meant to be ostracized and unworthy of care?
Actually, does it matter that he didn't succeed? If you have an evil thought at all, does that make you evil?
And if he were to kill someone because he wanted something from beneath the swamp? He's young. They don't always think things through. Sometimes even the best and most well-behaved can be tempted by a promised miracle.
Even if it is not probable, it is not impossible. Would that make him evil?
Theoretically, YES!! IT'S EVIL. Killing innocent people for personal gain, no matter what that gain is, is evil. It's evil, a terrible sin, because if it wasn't, surely he wouldn't feel so guilt-ridden. But consider: would GOD (sky) ask him to do EVIL??? When he has clearly only done GOOD??? JUSTICE??? Is that not what he's been doing the whole time? Purifying demons? Sending them to Heaven? The same God that's been protecting Nadia for years wouldn't give him a trial he couldn't overcome, so surely he wouldn't be given a trial that would make him into a sinner, and yet, undeniably—
Oh fuck Ichiban's heart he can't send him to Heaven like this. NOOOOOOOO--
Instead of saying anything he just sort of stands here like a short-circuiting microwave.]
[HE IS RUNNING SO HARD ON HIS INSANE BLOODY HAMSTER WHEEL he's so lost in the spiral of his thoughts that he jumps when they reach out to tap his hand.]
—I have to go.
[HE HAS TO GO PRAY REAL HARD AND SEE IF HE CAN GET ICHIBAN'S SOUL TO HEAVEN WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO STAB A RITUAL DAGGER INTO HIS HEART.]
[ the vibe is eyes narrow even if the mask obscures it
their hand circles around his wrist. not tightly, but still. when they speak again - it's still not accurate to call their voice gentle. but it is softer. ]
Even if it's not gentle, hearing his name spoken with a bit of softness anchors his attention a bit, which is probably good considering he seems very unfocused in general at the moment. They really said "THEORETICAL QUESTION TIME" and Lucas's brain exploded.]
they at least can recognize the very minimal progress here, so they'll keep their intonation the same. softer, no longer forceful after watching how a dude just fell apart in real time. ]
[HE WOULD JUDGE THAT IF HE WASN'T ON THE CUSP OF DISSOCIATING.
He'd also kick up a fuss about being led by the hand to go find a spot to pray by this weird bozo normally, but he's too out of it for that at the moment so. AWAY THEY GO... He walks a bit like a ghost, quiet and detached, a little microcosm of his own stupid self-inflicted misery and confusion.
If Famine wanders all the way out to the ranch, that's where Lucas will stop, moving to slip his hand away so he can go to the spot he'd left Ichiban's body and settle down to pray. ENJOY COUNTING SHEEP HE'LL BE A WHILE.]
famine lets lucas go, and goes to lean against the fences nearby. they do count sheep, literally, for a long while. though they do occasionally glance toward lucas, saying nothing as their gaze lingers.
[HE'S A LITTLE FREAK WHO'S JUST GOING TO GET WEIRDER!!!!!
But for now he's just a little freak who's going to get more furious and upset and distraught because he's trying to disentangle like 50 different highly complex things internally on top of processing his First Non-Reliver Murder on top of accidental detox that he still isn't entirely aware he's going through on top of questioning why a benevolent god would ask such terrible things of him even as a final horrible hurdle. He can't even properly send off Ichiban's SOUL LIKE THIS!!!!
Also his prayers might be being interrupted by goat gospel anyway so this is just a time of increasing internal frenzy that is not helping him calm down at all. Throughout his attempts at recentering he's just melting (not literal) until he's basically folded in half where he kneels, arms curled around himself like he's trying to physically contain all these rancid vibes or maybe restrain himself from being taken by the violence spirit.
[ and yet he keeps trying. famine will leave him be for a while, though by the time that he's hunched over on the ground, that's when they've decided enough is enough. they walk over with intentionally audible steps to minimize the chance of lucas getting spooked.
and then they will also move to crouch down by him. they place one hand on lucas' shoulder with a light touch. ]
He doesn't move when they come over and doesn't seem to react to either the touch or the words, as internally focused as he is. But they'll probably notice that he's shaking a little because i aki have decided he's not having a hard enough time. Get sick from your cold turkeying idiod.]
thanks!!! famine will just decidedly roll their eyes and pick lucas right up off the floor into their arms and start wandering off. goodbye horrible jesus house ]
[I'M REALLY DOING THIS TO HIM AND NOW LUCAS IS REALLY DOING THIS TO THEM what is this you ask
well
Being in such a frazzled state he does not take well to being suddenly picked up, so he reflexively goes on the fucking attack HELP. HE JUST SITS BOLT UPRIGHT AND LUNGES FOR THEIR SHOULDERS FROM THEIR ARMS LIKE HE'S TRYING TO KNOCK THEM BOTH OFF BALANCE.]
[FUCKING HELP well, that is true, hopefully he didn't bruise them...
Not that he's in a state to check at the moment HE JUST LOOKS FERAL and also very pale and a lil sweaty but sometimes you push through the terrible side effects of detox because you're on the verge of a breakdown and just want to bite someone's windpipe out with your teeth.
He does not do this. But he does sort of push away from them, hand at his side and eyes wild.]
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But also this makes no sense to him and it's a little frustrating when he feels like he should be punished (it's fine he will be, thanks cosmic god). He won't turn tail just yet. Instead:]
...I don't understand that, either. Should your opinion of a person who would take an innocent life and continue living regardless not change? Should such a person not be condemned? Their company reviled?
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Would you rather I call you evil for what you've done? Or say that your action could be considered unforgivable?
[ it is an open, curious question. famine does not ask it with any sense of judgment or condemnation. ]
And what would you say if I—even after calling you evil or wrong—would still choose to remain with you?
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[Which means... he is... evil????? But. This is at odds with all of his years of (redacted) and (redacted) and the absolutely infallible knowledge that God just sometimes gives you hitlists. If he thinks too hard about this, it leaves him feeling extremely unsettled. Almost like killing people in general is... bad!
That's a lot to process though he reels away from it, shaking his head once as if to clear it.]
—I would ask why you would say such a thing to such a person.
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[ direct. straightforward. painfully so, without leaving room for lucas to hide.
but aside from that mild correction, famine will shake their head. to them, the answer is simple. ]
Good and evil are but words to me. Actions are actions, and people are people. One action you take will not negate the rest of the time I have spent with you. It doesn't matter to me how you label yourself, only that you are alive to do so.
[ a beat. frowns. ]
... is what I would like to say, if you were not wrestling with yourself.
[ so that has to matter too, unfortunately ]
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I'm not. [Damn the liar lies reflexively. Wish he would make a comment on the fact that they have only known each other 2 weeks but unfortunately he fell in love with Ceres at sight so while he does find it unusual, it's not enough to comment on, especially when he's currently DISTRACTED.]
They aren't just words. They have meaning.
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[ cants head to the side ]
A thought experiment. The Claude that you're always attached to. He pulled a knife out on someone this week, didn't he? If he followed through and killed him, would that make him evil? Worthy of condemnation the way you've suggested, meant to be ostracized and unworthy of care?
Actually, does it matter that he didn't succeed? If you have an evil thought at all, does that make you evil?
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He was affected by something outside of his control. I would not necessarily condemn those who took lives while suffering from the affliction, either.
[NOT NECESSARILY BUT THE POSSIBILITY IS THERE. Circumstances are flexible... Even he can recognize that to a degree.]
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[ they let that one go.
instead: ]
And if he were to kill someone because he wanted something from beneath the swamp? He's young. They don't always think things through. Sometimes even the best and most well-behaved can be tempted by a promised miracle.
Even if it is not probable, it is not impossible. Would that make him evil?
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Theoretically, YES!! IT'S EVIL. Killing innocent people for personal gain, no matter what that gain is, is evil. It's evil, a terrible sin, because if it wasn't, surely he wouldn't feel so guilt-ridden. But consider: would GOD (sky) ask him to do EVIL??? When he has clearly only done GOOD??? JUSTICE??? Is that not what he's been doing the whole time? Purifying demons? Sending them to Heaven? The same God that's been protecting Nadia for years wouldn't give him a trial he couldn't overcome, so surely he wouldn't be given a trial that would make him into a sinner, and yet, undeniably—
Oh fuck Ichiban's heart he can't send him to Heaven like this. NOOOOOOOO--
Instead of saying anything he just sort of stands here like a short-circuiting microwave.]
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if he continues to say nothing for a while longer still, they will eventually just reach out to lightly tap the back of his hand. earth to lucas. ]
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—I have to go.
[HE HAS TO GO PRAY REAL HARD AND SEE IF HE CAN GET ICHIBAN'S SOUL TO HEAVEN WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO STAB A RITUAL DAGGER INTO HIS HEART.]
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their hand circles around his wrist. not tightly, but still. when they speak again - it's still not accurate to call their voice gentle. but it is softer. ]
Lucas.
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Even if it's not gentle, hearing his name spoken with a bit of softness anchors his attention a bit, which is probably good considering he seems very unfocused in general at the moment. They really said "THEORETICAL QUESTION TIME" and Lucas's brain exploded.]
Hm...?
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they at least can recognize the very minimal progress here, so they'll keep their intonation the same. softer, no longer forceful after watching how a dude just fell apart in real time. ]
Where do you think you need to go?
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He looks down at where they're holding his wrist. After a second, quietly:]
I have to find a place to pray.
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so instead, by the power of affection week and efficiency, they'll just take lucas's hand instead and start walking ]
Fine. Let's go. You decide where to stop.
[ famine is inviting themselves. they'll just count sheep while lucas prays ig ]
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He'd also kick up a fuss about being led by the hand to go find a spot to pray by this weird bozo normally, but he's too out of it for that at the moment so. AWAY THEY GO... He walks a bit like a ghost, quiet and detached, a little microcosm of his own stupid self-inflicted misery and confusion.
If Famine wanders all the way out to the ranch, that's where Lucas will stop, moving to slip his hand away so he can go to the spot he'd left Ichiban's body and settle down to pray. ENJOY COUNTING SHEEP HE'LL BE A WHILE.]
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famine lets lucas go, and goes to lean against the fences nearby. they do count sheep, literally, for a long while. though they do occasionally glance toward lucas, saying nothing as their gaze lingers.
but they'll still wait until he is done ]
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But for now he's just a little freak who's going to get more furious and upset and distraught because he's trying to disentangle like 50 different highly complex things internally on top of processing his First Non-Reliver Murder on top of accidental detox that he still isn't entirely aware he's going through on top of questioning why a benevolent god would ask such terrible things of him even as a final horrible hurdle. He can't even properly send off Ichiban's SOUL LIKE THIS!!!!
Also his prayers might be being interrupted by goat gospel anyway so this is just a time of increasing internal frenzy that is not helping him calm down at all. Throughout his attempts at recentering he's just melting (not literal) until he's basically folded in half where he kneels, arms curled around himself like he's trying to physically contain all these rancid vibes or maybe restrain himself from being taken by the violence spirit.
AND YET. HE KEEPS TRYING.]
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and then they will also move to crouch down by him. they place one hand on lucas' shoulder with a light touch. ]
Lucas. Use your words.
What are you thinking?
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He doesn't move when they come over and doesn't seem to react to either the touch or the words, as internally focused as he is. But they'll probably notice that he's shaking a little because i aki have decided he's not having a hard enough time. Get sick from your cold turkeying idiod.]
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GOD!!!!
YOU'RE REALLY DOING THIS TO HIM
thanks!!! famine will just decidedly roll their eyes and pick lucas right up off the floor into their arms and start wandering off. goodbye horrible jesus house ]
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well
Being in such a frazzled state he does not take well to being suddenly picked up, so he reflexively goes on the fucking attack HELP. HE JUST SITS BOLT UPRIGHT AND LUNGES FOR THEIR SHOULDERS FROM THEIR ARMS LIKE HE'S TRYING TO KNOCK THEM BOTH OFF BALANCE.]
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that's fine IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN REALLY STOP THE TERMINATOR FROM DOING THEIR THING SO DOWN THEY GO
but they do curse— ]
Moron!
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Not that he's in a state to check at the moment HE JUST LOOKS FERAL and also very pale and a lil sweaty but sometimes you push through the terrible side effects of detox because you're on the verge of a breakdown and just want to bite someone's windpipe out with your teeth.
He does not do this. But he does sort of push away from them, hand at his side and eyes wild.]
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