[HE'S A LITTLE FREAK WHO'S JUST GOING TO GET WEIRDER!!!!!
But for now he's just a little freak who's going to get more furious and upset and distraught because he's trying to disentangle like 50 different highly complex things internally on top of processing his First Non-Reliver Murder on top of accidental detox that he still isn't entirely aware he's going through on top of questioning why a benevolent god would ask such terrible things of him even as a final horrible hurdle. He can't even properly send off Ichiban's SOUL LIKE THIS!!!!
Also his prayers might be being interrupted by goat gospel anyway so this is just a time of increasing internal frenzy that is not helping him calm down at all. Throughout his attempts at recentering he's just melting (not literal) until he's basically folded in half where he kneels, arms curled around himself like he's trying to physically contain all these rancid vibes or maybe restrain himself from being taken by the violence spirit.
[ and yet he keeps trying. famine will leave him be for a while, though by the time that he's hunched over on the ground, that's when they've decided enough is enough. they walk over with intentionally audible steps to minimize the chance of lucas getting spooked.
and then they will also move to crouch down by him. they place one hand on lucas' shoulder with a light touch. ]
He doesn't move when they come over and doesn't seem to react to either the touch or the words, as internally focused as he is. But they'll probably notice that he's shaking a little because i aki have decided he's not having a hard enough time. Get sick from your cold turkeying idiod.]
thanks!!! famine will just decidedly roll their eyes and pick lucas right up off the floor into their arms and start wandering off. goodbye horrible jesus house ]
[I'M REALLY DOING THIS TO HIM AND NOW LUCAS IS REALLY DOING THIS TO THEM what is this you ask
well
Being in such a frazzled state he does not take well to being suddenly picked up, so he reflexively goes on the fucking attack HELP. HE JUST SITS BOLT UPRIGHT AND LUNGES FOR THEIR SHOULDERS FROM THEIR ARMS LIKE HE'S TRYING TO KNOCK THEM BOTH OFF BALANCE.]
[FUCKING HELP well, that is true, hopefully he didn't bruise them...
Not that he's in a state to check at the moment HE JUST LOOKS FERAL and also very pale and a lil sweaty but sometimes you push through the terrible side effects of detox because you're on the verge of a breakdown and just want to bite someone's windpipe out with your teeth.
He does not do this. But he does sort of push away from them, hand at his side and eyes wild.]
[ it's fine it's fine it's fine but also lucas should just go ahead and do it. ]
I see we've moved to being nonverbal.
[ what gave you that impression famine
but they'll sit up, rolling out their shoulder before snapping their fingers loudly in front of lucas once. despite being tackled to the ground, their voice carries mostly an edge of exhaustion. but not anger. ]
As they sit up, he staggers back to his feet because he is not willing to be in a position where he can't fight or flight immediately. At the very least, he seems to be doing a little better with some distance. It still takes him a second to focus on the sound of their voice, though.]
[ DON'T BE MEAN TO HIM HE'S GOING THROUGH IT!!!! they'll move to stand next, brushing the dirt off of them. ]
I understand you're not feeling well. But there's no need to be miserable in the mud by the scene of your crime. We're going to get you water and a place to sit. Come.
[ and at least this time instead of totally manhandling lucas, they hold a hand out again. paw!!! you dumb bitch!!! ]
ANYWAY HE JUST SORT OF stands there for a bit looking like he wants to ferally charge off into the mists never to be seen again. Realistically, the best he could do is just find a place that's quiet and hole up for a while. One of the houses, maybe, but there's always the risk that someone else could come along. Life is hard when you're a crazy serial killer and you just have to be okay in front of everyone all the time, damn.
In the end, he folds his arms across his middle again, but steps toward them.]
I'll follow.
[He needs his hands for reasons but he will at least stop being miserable in the mud by the scene of his crime.]
famine tilts their head slightly, looking him over. they move, slowly, to brush some of the dirt out of lucas' hair. ]
We're going to the garden. No one else will be able to approach except the other Overseers. You can wallow in your thoughts there as long as you'd like, without worry of being seen.
He also tenses a little automatically when they draw closer, but fortunately they are smart enough to move slowly like they're fucking trying to pick a rattlesnake up off the road. Lucas doesn't lash out, even if the tension doesn't abate. Oh to be sweaty and shaky and tired and a bit roughed up from killing an innocent man but still trying so desperately to keep all your pieces together.
Again, it takes him a few moments to organize himself enough to answer. First, just a nod. Then:]
...I won't stay overly-long. [Because then he'd start to feel guilty, like he's running from the consequences of his actions, which he IS.]
[ the repetition is slow and simple: ] You can stay as long as you'd like.
[ but off they go! famine will just incline their head in the direction of the southern fog again, so they can make their way there. they walk slowly and don't walk ahead of lucas, instead just keeping pace next to him. ]
You do not wish for a drawn bath?
[ not another shower where he can slip and bonk his head ]
[AWAY... He keeps pace only because they're going slowly, giving off the impression that if he weren't sticking to their side he'd probably just fucking wander away accidentally. He's mostly silent because he's still trying to sort out all of the fucked up weirdness happening in his head...
[YEAH BYE. Also it's mostly the sin. He's really entering his guilty Catholic era now even though he's always been there, just protected by the bubble of insane drugs.]
[ it's fine. famine isn't in a rush, and lets the occasional silence lull between them. though when they ask their question again, it is still patient and slow. ]
... is it difficult to wrap your mind around what you have done?
[ if this insane breakdown came from a theoretical conversation about good and evil ]
[Truly it's just a spiral of Lucas looking into a mirror and going "....AM I EVIL????" but like, not fully looking at it head-on so he doesn't completely disintegrate. In a place like this, with so many people he already feels responsible for, he's working against himself to keep his shit together.
But the question is met with more silence. A long stretch of it, and then:]
...I send them to Heaven to keep her safe. [THE INSANITY IN THIS SINGLE SENTENCE.] But this...
[His walking slows a little further, and a little further still, until he eventually comes to a stop in the fog. Good thing they're sticking close or he would be lost forever.
He just sort of stares ahead into the mist for a few seconds before nodding.]
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But for now he's just a little freak who's going to get more furious and upset and distraught because he's trying to disentangle like 50 different highly complex things internally on top of processing his First Non-Reliver Murder on top of accidental detox that he still isn't entirely aware he's going through on top of questioning why a benevolent god would ask such terrible things of him even as a final horrible hurdle. He can't even properly send off Ichiban's SOUL LIKE THIS!!!!
Also his prayers might be being interrupted by goat gospel anyway so this is just a time of increasing internal frenzy that is not helping him calm down at all. Throughout his attempts at recentering he's just melting (not literal) until he's basically folded in half where he kneels, arms curled around himself like he's trying to physically contain all these rancid vibes or maybe restrain himself from being taken by the violence spirit.
AND YET. HE KEEPS TRYING.]
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and then they will also move to crouch down by him. they place one hand on lucas' shoulder with a light touch. ]
Lucas. Use your words.
What are you thinking?
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He doesn't move when they come over and doesn't seem to react to either the touch or the words, as internally focused as he is. But they'll probably notice that he's shaking a little because i aki have decided he's not having a hard enough time. Get sick from your cold turkeying idiod.]
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GOD!!!!
YOU'RE REALLY DOING THIS TO HIM
thanks!!! famine will just decidedly roll their eyes and pick lucas right up off the floor into their arms and start wandering off. goodbye horrible jesus house ]
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well
Being in such a frazzled state he does not take well to being suddenly picked up, so he reflexively goes on the fucking attack HELP. HE JUST SITS BOLT UPRIGHT AND LUNGES FOR THEIR SHOULDERS FROM THEIR ARMS LIKE HE'S TRYING TO KNOCK THEM BOTH OFF BALANCE.]
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that's fine IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN REALLY STOP THE TERMINATOR FROM DOING THEIR THING SO DOWN THEY GO
but they do curse— ]
Moron!
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Not that he's in a state to check at the moment HE JUST LOOKS FERAL and also very pale and a lil sweaty but sometimes you push through the terrible side effects of detox because you're on the verge of a breakdown and just want to bite someone's windpipe out with your teeth.
He does not do this. But he does sort of push away from them, hand at his side and eyes wild.]
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I see we've moved to being nonverbal.
[ what gave you that impression famine
but they'll sit up, rolling out their shoulder before snapping their fingers loudly in front of lucas once. despite being tackled to the ground, their voice carries mostly an edge of exhaustion. but not anger. ]
Oi. Breathe.
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As they sit up, he staggers back to his feet because he is not willing to be in a position where he can't fight or flight immediately. At the very least, he seems to be doing a little better with some distance. It still takes him a second to focus on the sound of their voice, though.]
...Where were you going?
[DON'T ASK THAT AFTER KNOCKING THEM DOWN.]
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[ DON'T BE MEAN TO HIM HE'S GOING THROUGH IT!!!! they'll move to stand next, brushing the dirt off of them. ]
I understand you're not feeling well. But there's no need to be miserable in the mud by the scene of your crime. We're going to get you water and a place to sit. Come.
[ and at least this time instead of totally manhandling lucas, they hold a hand out again. paw!!! you dumb bitch!!! ]
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ANYWAY HE JUST SORT OF stands there for a bit looking like he wants to ferally charge off into the mists never to be seen again. Realistically, the best he could do is just find a place that's quiet and hole up for a while. One of the houses, maybe, but there's always the risk that someone else could come along. Life is hard when you're a crazy serial killer and you just have to be okay in front of everyone all the time, damn.
In the end, he folds his arms across his middle again, but steps toward them.]
I'll follow.
[He needs his hands for reasons but he will at least stop being miserable in the mud by the scene of his crime.]
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famine tilts their head slightly, looking him over. they move, slowly, to brush some of the dirt out of lucas' hair. ]
We're going to the garden. No one else will be able to approach except the other Overseers. You can wallow in your thoughts there as long as you'd like, without worry of being seen.
Do you accept?
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He also tenses a little automatically when they draw closer, but fortunately they are smart enough to move slowly like they're fucking trying to pick a rattlesnake up off the road. Lucas doesn't lash out, even if the tension doesn't abate. Oh to be sweaty and shaky and tired and a bit roughed up from killing an innocent man but still trying so desperately to keep all your pieces together.
Again, it takes him a few moments to organize himself enough to answer. First, just a nod. Then:]
...I won't stay overly-long. [Because then he'd start to feel guilty, like he's running from the consequences of his actions, which he IS.]
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[ but off they go! famine will just incline their head in the direction of the southern fog again, so they can make their way there. they walk slowly and don't walk ahead of lucas, instead just keeping pace next to him. ]
You do not wish for a drawn bath?
[ not another shower where he can slip and bonk his head ]
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A few seconds after the mention of the bath:]
...I can shower later.
[Gets a concussion for real.]
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... what is on your mind?
[ besides the SIN ]
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I'm not certain.
[A mostly honest kinda lie.]
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What is the part that is upsetting you?
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Anyway the answer to that is so complex he can't even word it. Maybe just the fact that he feels mentally fractured.]
...All of it. I don't— understand...
[HOW COULD A LOVING GOD CAUSE SUCH AGONY.]
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... is it difficult to wrap your mind around what you have done?
[ if this insane breakdown came from a theoretical conversation about good and evil ]
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But the question is met with more silence. A long stretch of it, and then:]
...I send them to Heaven to keep her safe. [THE INSANITY IN THIS SINGLE SENTENCE.] But this...
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slowly putting the picture together: ]
... did you do it for the medicine?
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He just sort of stares ahead into the mist for a few seconds before nodding.]
...This should be the last.
[The last trial.]
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What makes you certain of that?
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[Except return to Nadia's side but surely that won't involve killing more people! A loving god wouldn't ask such a thing of him!]
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