[you know she's about to say something else about the kids, but then there's a memory that she is very quickly realizing is not hers and she's going very still as she watches this play out. as it goes along, she can't help but feel a little nervous, like she knows exactly how this story will end. she can hope that maybe it's different. that maybe everything nehan ever loved and cherished wasn't destroyed in the blink of an eye. that his family was safe and they all passed naturally, that he'd lived a full life and had nothing left now.
but of course that isn't the case. of course it's because of someone who was used by someone else. someone who needed adults in his life to protect him but instead got ones who saw him as something to be used instead. and so she watches this child quickly raze an entire clan, watches nehan hide away to save himself paralyzed in fear, and watches as he turns and doesn't look back.
the whole thing fades and she's left staring off into space with a very troubled expression.]
...you were both so young. [is what she settles on, because...that's the thing. both of them were too young to lose so much of themselves because of someone else's choices. there's more she could (wants to) say, but she thinks with the kind of person nehan is it's safer to wait and see how he responds first, even if she can't help the thought flicker past of this shouldn't have happened to either of you.]
[ by the time they're set loose from the memory, nehan's expression is cooled over, reserved. it's easy enough to remove himself from the moment, distant from even his own memories as he watches it play out and keeps from reacting.
he just rubs his good eye once the penthouse returns to its usual state, speaking flatly. ]
We were. That boy... Seox, I suppose you could call him. He wasn't even a teenager.
[ there's no pity in his tone. he understands seox, but he also killed his whole family, so there's some mixed feelings. ]
But I don't operate on how the world should be. It is what it is. That's how it always will be.
[ cruel and senseless and driven by powers that are beyond him. ]
[this reaction isn't much better, frankly, and she doesn't respond immediately as she studies nehan a little closer.]
Of course. You can't always go against fate, right? [the way she says this is really more because of what nehan said to her initially than her own thoughts about it.] But it does feel pretty cruel to think of it in a way that says what happened was going to happen, and it's just the way things are.
[ thank you for respecting his fatalism, aerith..... but that does give him pause. is it cruel, to think the world is doomed to be the way it is? there is the starting wobble of a thought, a half-formed and uncertain thing, before it fades away. ]
If it's cruel, then the world itself is cruel.
[ he is not such a genocidal maniac that he'd be like SEPHIROTH HAD THE RIGHT IDEA but these memories have only shown him that every world is as awful as the next. the tone and timbre of his voice turns very calm. ]
...Our village was remote, and ostracized to begin with. So I wandered. When someone found me, they sold me to a local crime syndicate. I've been in their... care until recently.
It's a common enough story. Most orphans aren't found by someone who wants what's best for them.
But it doesn't have to be. [of course she would say that, given her entire goal is to save the world and she's dodged past destiny for it. worlds are awful and awful things have happened to people that don't deserve them, but she still believes in things becoming better.]
Which is why you were concerned about that child you found yourself. [remembering that story.] ...until recently, a lot of people where I'm from didn't exactly care about orphans either. Extra hands for extra work. Once a child was old enough, they were usually sold into labor. [which. hm. bad.] But since then the Leaf House has changed hands. Things are better.
[so again, the world itself is cruel but it doesn't always have to be if there are people who want to change it.]
...but that still must have been hard on you. [even if i'm sure you'll tell me it's just the way it is and to mind my own business about it.]
his ears do a funny little twitch because she remembers what he'd told her, like he'd expected her to forget it. mistakes were made. but in general, his expression sobers as she speaks—because of course kids are trafficked and made to labor across worlds. for every heartwarming story of someone being saved, another dozen are left to suffer.
but things don't get better by giving up, so he can't begrudge her mindset. ]
...I've resigned myself to your nosiness.
[ it's fine, it's whatever. ]
Is that what you're doing? Saving the world, trying to change it for the better?
also literally so many of these sullen men are so surprised when they find out she's actually listening to them and remembering things, it's almost funny at this point. why are you all this way? she watches his ears with mild fascination before she meets his gaze again.]
That's probably for the better. [it's always so much nicer and easier when people just accept she's not going away. besides that, she does think she understands a few things about him a little better, that there are things they both align with here.]
You could say that, yeah. Our entire journey right now is to find a man who wants to destroy the planet, but even before that it was about stopping Shinra from draining her of her lifeforce and stopping the people that only cause pain and misery to others. There's...a pretty big divide between people with money and people without. Someone has to bring those people down and stop them from taking over everything.
aerith out here just like yeah! good! give up and accept friendship! she is so used to these annoying emotionally distant men. ]
...I suppose they do.
[ someone has to stop them, she says, as though it's something that most people think or have the drive to accomplish. maybe most people want that—to close the disparity between rich and poor, powerful and powerless—but hardly anyone ever gets the momentum to make a difference.
even so, it's a nice idea. that some group of them would try, at least. it is surprisingly easy for him to be sincere about this. no barbs attached. ]
[it doesn't make sense to her sometimes, why people wouldn't try, but she does have enough awareness to recognize the things she's asking for and about are sometimes too big. sometimes people would prefer to keep to themselves, or people would prefer to let someone else step in. but for them, there's really no choice. they're the only ones who can, so they will.]
Thank you, Nehan. [equally sincere, even if there's a little smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.] Even if somehow I can't get back the way I want to, the rest of them know what's next. And I believe in them.
[we have at least reached the point where she's willing to consider options and try to find her way back to be alive again rather than just accept it (thank you, scien.) but ah...]
Yuffie knows. [yuffie, who had first questioned if her appearance was a trick before crying in her arms. being here and leaving her a second time is one of those things that's been in the back of her head for a few weeks.] And Cloud...knows, even if his mind won't let him accept it or believe it. So I haven't tried to correct him.
[yeah there's no fixing that yet, it's fine. our poor yuffie...]
Both. But I know he can't, because he watched it happen and still thinks I'm okay. [which. uh. there are a few conflicting feelings on that now because she's been slowly having a crisis about if she really is actually dead because she never made it to the lifestream before coming here, and it's obvious cloud can see her and talk to her. she would think it's just cloud being insane (and he is.), but red acknowledged her presence, too, calling out for her after she touched him.
so. spooky pink ghost she is.]
Every time he tries to think about it too much, it...isn't good for him.
You're not the only one who thinks so. But I can't pressure him to remember when his mind's already fragile and fracturing. Yuffie tried to ask him, I think, and...[she shakes her head.] I'll take care of it.
But yeah. If we can go back, he might not even notice anything different while the rest of them do. [...] I wasn't sure about going back at first. But I've given it more thought now. And I do want to. I'm not ready to leave. We still have a lot to do.
Just wondering. [...] There are some people who want to be lived and loved but at the expense of everyone else. It then becomes a question of how do you decide what's right and what's wrong for that want, I guess.
Then again there are obviously some people you can just tell it's not a good reason. [sephiroth. she seems to realize this doesn't make too much sense, so.]
...Yeah. At some point, surviving costs too much other misery to be acceptable. Though perhaps that's... [ he trails off, uncertain for a moment. ] It isn't simple to decide where to draw the line.
[ unless you're sephiroth and so insane and so overboard everyone knows you're wrong ]
What you overheard was Seox. It's what he said, when I tried to kill him. I guess even someone who killed everyone I know has some right to live. [ said wryly. he doesn't really think seox should die, but it just proves the point that these things are complicated. ]
No one has the absolute right to judge, but... we all have to make those decisions.
[ things they're willing to tolerate, and what they're not. in any case, one of his ears flicks idly at the question. ]
He was strong enough as a child to wipe out an entire village of assassins. I'm just a doctor. He won, and we haven't spoken since. [ they're just on awkward terms now ] I've given up on getting revenge, basically.
What are you going to do after you manage to kill this madman of yours?
[okay, well. that's fair. she can't really say anything about that because she is a squishy mage who got beat up by a local catholic so you know what. it's fine.]
And there's really no reason to, I guess. Speak, I mean. [she can't say much on revenge because so much of her own anger is against people who have watched her and wanted to use her her whole life, so. maybe it isn't revenge so much as stopping them from further damage.
with the question of sephiroth, she tilts her head.]
We'll have to go back to Midgar. After Shinra dropped the plate on Sector 7, the whole area was destroyed. So we'll go back, and we'll help them rebuild. Go back to my mom's and pick up Barret's daughter. And I guess...if we still haven't stopped Shinra by then, that's the next step. Making sure they don't get too far either.
[she should, but she's saving some of her rage for don corneo in part three i suppose.]
I like staying busy. [if you're constantly doing things, you can't stop and think of how lonely you actually are sometimes! it's great, 10/10 recommend.] And with the world the way it is now...it's almost too late. We have to do everything we can to try and change it while we have time.
[...it's buried, but just noticeable enough that it makes her smile despite the fact things can and will get worse.]
All depends on what happens here. If I can really go back...then I hope so, too. [...] And maybe before all of this is up, you might find something else, too.
[maybe. people change based on the people they surround themselves with, after all. but this is a w4 thread and i will come back for a new one tomorrow, so:]
I should probably get out of your hair for the night, huh?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
but of course that isn't the case. of course it's because of someone who was used by someone else. someone who needed adults in his life to protect him but instead got ones who saw him as something to be used instead. and so she watches this child quickly raze an entire clan, watches nehan hide away to save himself paralyzed in fear, and watches as he turns and doesn't look back.
the whole thing fades and she's left staring off into space with a very troubled expression.]
...you were both so young. [is what she settles on, because...that's the thing. both of them were too young to lose so much of themselves because of someone else's choices. there's more she could (wants to) say, but she thinks with the kind of person nehan is it's safer to wait and see how he responds first, even if she can't help the thought flicker past of this shouldn't have happened to either of you.]
no subject
he just rubs his good eye once the penthouse returns to its usual state, speaking flatly. ]
We were. That boy... Seox, I suppose you could call him. He wasn't even a teenager.
[ there's no pity in his tone. he understands seox, but he also killed his whole family, so there's some mixed feelings. ]
But I don't operate on how the world should be. It is what it is. That's how it always will be.
[ cruel and senseless and driven by powers that are beyond him. ]
no subject
Of course. You can't always go against fate, right? [the way she says this is really more because of what nehan said to her initially than her own thoughts about it.] But it does feel pretty cruel to think of it in a way that says what happened was going to happen, and it's just the way things are.
[sad, really.]
...where did you go after that?
no subject
If it's cruel, then the world itself is cruel.
[ he is not such a genocidal maniac that he'd be like SEPHIROTH HAD THE RIGHT IDEA but these memories have only shown him that every world is as awful as the next. the tone and timbre of his voice turns very calm. ]
...Our village was remote, and ostracized to begin with. So I wandered. When someone found me, they sold me to a local crime syndicate. I've been in their... care until recently.
It's a common enough story. Most orphans aren't found by someone who wants what's best for them.
no subject
Which is why you were concerned about that child you found yourself. [remembering that story.] ...until recently, a lot of people where I'm from didn't exactly care about orphans either. Extra hands for extra work. Once a child was old enough, they were usually sold into labor. [which. hm. bad.] But since then the Leaf House has changed hands. Things are better.
[so again, the world itself is cruel but it doesn't always have to be if there are people who want to change it.]
...but that still must have been hard on you. [even if i'm sure you'll tell me it's just the way it is and to mind my own business about it.]
no subject
his ears do a funny little twitch because she remembers what he'd told her, like he'd expected her to forget it. mistakes were made. but in general, his expression sobers as she speaks—because of course kids are trafficked and made to labor across worlds. for every heartwarming story of someone being saved, another dozen are left to suffer.
but things don't get better by giving up, so he can't begrudge her mindset. ]
...I've resigned myself to your nosiness.
[ it's fine, it's whatever. ]
Is that what you're doing? Saving the world, trying to change it for the better?
no subject
also literally so many of these sullen men are so surprised when they find out she's actually listening to them and remembering things, it's almost funny at this point. why are you all this way? she watches his ears with mild fascination before she meets his gaze again.]
That's probably for the better. [it's always so much nicer and easier when people just accept she's not going away. besides that, she does think she understands a few things about him a little better, that there are things they both align with here.]
You could say that, yeah. Our entire journey right now is to find a man who wants to destroy the planet, but even before that it was about stopping Shinra from draining her of her lifeforce and stopping the people that only cause pain and misery to others. There's...a pretty big divide between people with money and people without. Someone has to bring those people down and stop them from taking over everything.
no subject
aerith out here just like yeah! good! give up and accept friendship! she is so used to these annoying emotionally distant men. ]
...I suppose they do.
[ someone has to stop them, she says, as though it's something that most people think or have the drive to accomplish. maybe most people want that—to close the disparity between rich and poor, powerful and powerless—but hardly anyone ever gets the momentum to make a difference.
even so, it's a nice idea. that some group of them would try, at least. it is surprisingly easy for him to be sincere about this. no barbs attached. ]
Then I hope you succeed.
no subject
Thank you, Nehan. [equally sincere, even if there's a little smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.] Even if somehow I can't get back the way I want to, the rest of them know what's next. And I believe in them.
no subject
...What are you being such a martyr for? Do your friends even know what's happening with you?
[ yuffie and cloud. ]
no subject
Yuffie knows. [yuffie, who had first questioned if her appearance was a trick before crying in her arms. being here and leaving her a second time is one of those things that's been in the back of her head for a few weeks.] And Cloud...knows, even if his mind won't let him accept it or believe it. So I haven't tried to correct him.
no subject
sorry to yuffie that we took her castmates immediately also. he frowns a little. ]
...You don't think he can handle knowing, or you don't want him to?
no subject
Both. But I know he can't, because he watched it happen and still thinks I'm okay. [which. uh. there are a few conflicting feelings on that now because she's been slowly having a crisis about if she really is actually dead because she never made it to the lifestream before coming here, and it's obvious cloud can see her and talk to her. she would think it's just cloud being insane (and he is.), but red acknowledged her presence, too, calling out for her after she touched him.
so. spooky pink ghost she is.]
Every time he tries to think about it too much, it...isn't good for him.
no subject
...I see. It seems cruel for him not to know.
[ but he also understands that it's not so simple. ]
So you're trying to get back without him realizing what's happened? And I assume you are trying to get back.
no subject
But yeah. If we can go back, he might not even notice anything different while the rest of them do. [...] I wasn't sure about going back at first. But I've given it more thought now. And I do want to. I'm not ready to leave. We still have a lot to do.
[And I love them.]
no subject
...I think it can be frightening, how much people will do to live. And to be loved.
[ ("There's nothing I can say to make it up to you. With that said... I want to live!") a thought, in a voice not his own. ]
But maybe it'll serve you well enough. Suits you better than just giving up and fading away here, anyway.
no subject
...maybe so. [no, let's go back a little.] Do you think there are people who don't deserve that?
[her own answer might be surprising, but she's wondering why he phrased it as a frightening concept.]
no subject
[ at some point, some people should probably just die. ]
Why?
no subject
Then again there are obviously some people you can just tell it's not a good reason. [sephiroth. she seems to realize this doesn't make too much sense, so.]
Your thought was a little loud. Sorry.
no subject
...Yeah. At some point, surviving costs too much other misery to be acceptable. Though perhaps that's... [ he trails off, uncertain for a moment. ] It isn't simple to decide where to draw the line.
[ unless you're sephiroth and so insane and so overboard everyone knows you're wrong ]
What you overheard was Seox. It's what he said, when I tried to kill him. I guess even someone who killed everyone I know has some right to live. [ said wryly. he doesn't really think seox should die, but it just proves the point that these things are complicated. ]
no subject
...what happened after you confronted him? [this implies the guy is still alive, and yeah, it sure does highlight how difficult these situations are.]
no subject
[ things they're willing to tolerate, and what they're not. in any case, one of his ears flicks idly at the question. ]
He was strong enough as a child to wipe out an entire village of assassins. I'm just a doctor. He won, and we haven't spoken since. [ they're just on awkward terms now ] I've given up on getting revenge, basically.
What are you going to do after you manage to kill this madman of yours?
no subject
And there's really no reason to, I guess. Speak, I mean. [she can't say much on revenge because so much of her own anger is against people who have watched her and wanted to use her her whole life, so. maybe it isn't revenge so much as stopping them from further damage.
with the question of sephiroth, she tilts her head.]
We'll have to go back to Midgar. After Shinra dropped the plate on Sector 7, the whole area was destroyed. So we'll go back, and we'll help them rebuild. Go back to my mom's and pick up Barret's daughter. And I guess...if we still haven't stopped Shinra by then, that's the next step. Making sure they don't get too far either.
no subject
Busy, busy.
[ so many people to help, so little time. ]
I hope you get to enjoy the world after you save it, at least.
[ he says it wryly, but it does have a note of sincerity, buried and soft. ]
no subject
I like staying busy. [if you're constantly doing things, you can't stop and think of how lonely you actually are sometimes! it's great, 10/10 recommend.] And with the world the way it is now...it's almost too late. We have to do everything we can to try and change it while we have time.
[...it's buried, but just noticeable enough that it makes her smile despite the fact things can and will get worse.]
All depends on what happens here. If I can really go back...then I hope so, too. [...] And maybe before all of this is up, you might find something else, too.
[maybe. people change based on the people they surround themselves with, after all. but this is a w4 thread and i will come back for a new one tomorrow, so:]
I should probably get out of your hair for the night, huh?
(no subject)