[ ah. so that's what it is. the level of difference—to be born as someone who stands apart, who has the key to salvation or ruin which will always come at a cost. scien remembers what she said about being the last cetra. so what must it mean, to be monitored and watched and left to hold that burden only on her shoulders?
there is a distant echo of understanding, even if they are very different people ]
... I do not feel loneliness in the way that normal people do. [ if he's going to be upfront, because he hears the echoes of loneliness in her voice. a yearning for a normal life ] But you are just a young woman.
[ not said condescendingly, but rather in the sense that she doesn't need to be more than that. a 22 year old young woman, who wants to live a normal life with her normal friends ]
You are not a goddess or a savior, a ghost or a witch. You do not have to be.
The circumstances of your birth are different, but they are only one piece of what and who you are, even if they feel like they dominate your life. If you seek normalcy... take it, while it's here for you.
[ to play drinking games, hold the hand of the boy she likes, and be bad at fighting fires ]
[perhaps now there is slightly more context for why she was initially so insistent about going back and everything remaining the same. it's not like she's planning to lead shinra to the promised land. she doesn't even know where it is, really, or how to get there. but she initially was fairly bound to her duty upon arriving in this village, and now...well. having a few extra weeks of life, making new friends, and being able to have those normal experiences without people knowing she's an ancient, a being with such a deep connection to the planet that could help save everything, has changed her perspective.
she knows she needs to return. but now she wonders "well, what if..." she doesn't take that as anything condescending because sometimes aerith really does forget her own age. she also doesn't seem to mind the reminder that scien processes even the same base feelings so differently.]
...I do, I think. [a soft correction, because only a cetra can help stop sephiroth.] But maybe not yet. None of that matters here without being on our planet, and without the ability to change or feel things. I can't forget who I am. But...even if it feels selfish, taking the normalcy doesn't always feel bad.
[if you guys gave her her materia back she'd be sooooo good at fighting fires. but alas. she must settle for playing drinking games and holding cloud's hand and doing what she can for the morale.]
...thank you for that. [the reminder, she means. she knew, but it never quite felt right up to this point where she lost her life again and had to find something new to holdonto.]
You're welcome, though you needn't thank me for a statement of fact.
[ the fact that scien even responds with an iota of politeness is again because he's decided to show aerith this favoritism. but he seems thoughtful. does she have to be a savior all the time? maybe she needs to go back and stop sephiroth, but is it necessary to think about right now? ]
Even when I was determined to save my country, I took breaks. I entertained different projects. I did jigsaw puzzles. Even if most of my hours went into trying to solve the problem, I could not allot every single minute because it is inefficient for the brain.
You are clearly not single-minded, and you do not have to be. Perhaps your calling is to eventually be that dutiful figure as you've mentioned, but you are also yourself. It is one aspect of your identity.
You're also a nag. [ help ] A fussy person. An inquisitive one. A forgiving person.
Wow. All of that and you still managed to work in a jab. [she is very obviously joking because she cannot be offended when he's 100% right. she is a nag and she fusses at everyone around her and badgers the hell out of people to get them to do what she wants. and she thinks it says something he's taking the time to spell this out for her.
doing jigsaw puzzles really does make scien sound like an old man though...but she will not point that out either because that's not the point. breaks. putting her energy elsewhere from time to time. actually bothering to be selfish and give some of the time to herself. that's the point and what she'll focus on.]
...I'll try, at least. I don't think I would be able to really help anyone if I don't. [because if she overworks and stretches herself thin with responsibility that isn't meant to be addressed right now how the hell is she going to help lucas or even help everyone else get out? she has to remind herself that, too.] But breathing room. I can do that...starting soon.
Is it a jab if it is an honest assessment... I do not bother with niceties and flattery, only facts.
[ it wouldn't be a scien sincerity moment if he didn't point out what - well, some people might call them 'flaws' but he doesn't do so unkindly. but rather to take in the whole of the person, and everything they are. from their vices to their victories. aerith is a good person, based on society's standards, and she's also a gremlin.
both are true and hilarious ]
Take your time with it. Your emotions are understandably their own jumble. Just don't forget yourself in your hustle to look after everyone else.
Be selfish. If you're going to take on the world's burdens, you might as well make your own demands. It's your right.
[ said with all the arrogance of a god who does and says whatever he wants ]
[she looks so stupid right now sitting in a basement and pouting at a hole, but also she isn't actually mad about it. it is an honest assessment.]
There is a reason I keep calling on you, you know. [she likes all three (four, really, now that she's spoken to nehan more) overseers, but she does have drastically different conversations with scien than the rest. as hopeful as she is at all times, the pragmatism is what she handles best. her optimism isn't blind faith, it's something guided by a stable and thought-driven hand.
but admittedly yes sometimes her emotions get the best of her and she has to retreat and regroup. she's been able to do this before. demanding a day off to go to the beach. ditching the others the moment they got to the golden saucer to take in the sights and the energy with a girl she'd call her best friend. picking up two tickets for the sky wheel and coercing a boy she loves into going on a date with her. just the little things for her own happiness, and the world really only fell apart when it was supposed to. no one will be mad if she isn't in work mode all the time. she just has to remember that.]
Then my first order of selfishness is to step away from nearly everyone else tonight after this. There's a lot to take in...and my second will be taking time away to see what this place has to offer. [...though tomorrow, of course, is when the potential lucas arrives. she doesn't think she has to say it, but she does anyway.] I'll be waiting for his arrival before that happens though. If anything to see what we have to work with.
[ when she says there's a reason she calls on him, he's like || this close to saying 'masochism'?
he keeps it to himself and moves on. he nods in response to her plan ]
It'll be a pain. It won't be something a few kind words can fix, but hopefully over prolonged exposure to you all and the understanding that he is not an individual deserving of damnation, he will gradually make his way back to himself.
Then it's a good thing I have a lot of patience and firmly believe he deserves better. [...] I'm not going anywhere, so...I'll update you in a week, maybe. Just to tell you everything I'm sure he won't. Thank you, Famine.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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there is a distant echo of understanding, even if they are very different people ]
... I do not feel loneliness in the way that normal people do. [ if he's going to be upfront, because he hears the echoes of loneliness in her voice. a yearning for a normal life ] But you are just a young woman.
[ not said condescendingly, but rather in the sense that she doesn't need to be more than that. a 22 year old young woman, who wants to live a normal life with her normal friends ]
You are not a goddess or a savior, a ghost or a witch. You do not have to be.
The circumstances of your birth are different, but they are only one piece of what and who you are, even if they feel like they dominate your life. If you seek normalcy... take it, while it's here for you.
[ to play drinking games, hold the hand of the boy she likes, and be bad at fighting fires ]
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she knows she needs to return. but now she wonders "well, what if..." she doesn't take that as anything condescending because sometimes aerith really does forget her own age. she also doesn't seem to mind the reminder that scien processes even the same base feelings so differently.]
...I do, I think. [a soft correction, because only a cetra can help stop sephiroth.] But maybe not yet. None of that matters here without being on our planet, and without the ability to change or feel things. I can't forget who I am. But...even if it feels selfish, taking the normalcy doesn't always feel bad.
[if you guys gave her her materia back she'd be sooooo good at fighting fires. but alas. she must settle for playing drinking games and holding cloud's hand and doing what she can for the morale.]
...thank you for that. [the reminder, she means. she knew, but it never quite felt right up to this point where she lost her life again and had to find something new to holdonto.]
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[ the fact that scien even responds with an iota of politeness is again because he's decided to show aerith this favoritism. but he seems thoughtful. does she have to be a savior all the time? maybe she needs to go back and stop sephiroth, but is it necessary to think about right now? ]
Even when I was determined to save my country, I took breaks. I entertained different projects. I did jigsaw puzzles. Even if most of my hours went into trying to solve the problem, I could not allot every single minute because it is inefficient for the brain.
You are clearly not single-minded, and you do not have to be. Perhaps your calling is to eventually be that dutiful figure as you've mentioned, but you are also yourself. It is one aspect of your identity.
You're also a nag. [ help ] A fussy person. An inquisitive one. A forgiving person.
Give yourself some room to breathe.
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Wow. All of that and you still managed to work in a jab. [she is very obviously joking because she cannot be offended when he's 100% right. she is a nag and she fusses at everyone around her and badgers the hell out of people to get them to do what she wants. and she thinks it says something he's taking the time to spell this out for her.
doing jigsaw puzzles really does make scien sound like an old man though...but she will not point that out either because that's not the point. breaks. putting her energy elsewhere from time to time. actually bothering to be selfish and give some of the time to herself. that's the point and what she'll focus on.]
...I'll try, at least. I don't think I would be able to really help anyone if I don't. [because if she overworks and stretches herself thin with responsibility that isn't meant to be addressed right now how the hell is she going to help lucas or even help everyone else get out? she has to remind herself that, too.] But breathing room. I can do that...starting soon.
[everything was so much today.]
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[ it wouldn't be a scien sincerity moment if he didn't point out what - well, some people might call them 'flaws' but he doesn't do so unkindly. but rather to take in the whole of the person, and everything they are. from their vices to their victories. aerith is a good person, based on society's standards, and she's also a gremlin.
both are true and hilarious ]
Take your time with it. Your emotions are understandably their own jumble. Just don't forget yourself in your hustle to look after everyone else.
Be selfish. If you're going to take on the world's burdens, you might as well make your own demands. It's your right.
[ said with all the arrogance of a god who does and says whatever he wants ]
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There is a reason I keep calling on you, you know. [she likes all three (four, really, now that she's spoken to nehan more) overseers, but she does have drastically different conversations with scien than the rest. as hopeful as she is at all times, the pragmatism is what she handles best. her optimism isn't blind faith, it's something guided by a stable and thought-driven hand.
but admittedly yes sometimes her emotions get the best of her and she has to retreat and regroup. she's been able to do this before. demanding a day off to go to the beach. ditching the others the moment they got to the golden saucer to take in the sights and the energy with a girl she'd call her best friend. picking up two tickets for the sky wheel and coercing a boy she loves into going on a date with her. just the little things for her own happiness, and the world really only fell apart when it was supposed to. no one will be mad if she isn't in work mode all the time. she just has to remember that.]
Then my first order of selfishness is to step away from nearly everyone else tonight after this. There's a lot to take in...and my second will be taking time away to see what this place has to offer. [...though tomorrow, of course, is when the potential lucas arrives. she doesn't think she has to say it, but she does anyway.] I'll be waiting for his arrival before that happens though. If anything to see what we have to work with.
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he keeps it to himself and moves on. he nods in response to her plan ]
It'll be a pain. It won't be something a few kind words can fix, but hopefully over prolonged exposure to you all and the understanding that he is not an individual deserving of damnation, he will gradually make his way back to himself.
[ a beat ]
Let me know if you need anything.
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Then it's a good thing I have a lot of patience and firmly believe he deserves better. [...] I'm not going anywhere, so...I'll update you in a week, maybe. Just to tell you everything I'm sure he won't. Thank you, Famine.
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[ a simple correction. she can know his first name now. but most importantly, ]
Don't forget yourself in all this. Until next time.