[ lucas tucks his face away from scien so scien can't answer that little desire for another kiss, but he makes a note of it... if lucas wants a little kiss, then there is simply no way that scien could deny him that.
though the discussion of plans for a cat make him... hesitant. ]
... no, I don't like that. How will I know when you're talking to me... The cat can get its own name.
[ stupid idiot the way he's not even offended by the idea he just wants to avoid the confusion
but also, lucas offers this extremely gentle rebuttal. it feels too greedy. it feels too easy. it feels like too much to ask for. and scien's response is only so? ]
I want all these things with you. It is only my generosity that allows you to make the choices of the details.
[ does that make it easier? is it easier to want, if lucas can just blame scien for being so endlessly wanting? to seek out that future together without hesitation? scien isn't particularly concerned about the details. setting a wedding date is whatever. whether or not they grow their family is optional, but only because lucas already spends time with so many children. but.
aren't these just natural things to want, when you've decided, the entirety of a week and change ago, that you want to have someone in their entirety? their past, their present, and their future too ]
I suppose that's true. It might confuse the sweet cat, too.
[So their cat that will share so many similarities with Scien will just have to have a different name... Meanwhile Scien refuses to give him his gentle rebuttal and let him escape!! Truly it's a good thing the brainworms are napping or they'd be riled so terribly over this insistence of painting a picture of an idyllic future together. Marriage, a family, a cute little cat - it's honestly hilarious. Are these not things he'd craved for himself before, when he wasn't aware of the guilt? When he'd felt more worthy of a peaceful life and a gentle love?
Lucas has always admired romances with soft edges and a rosy tint. He's always craved that sort of normal, idealistic beauty for himself. On realizing exactly who and what he is, he'd let go of any hope of that. Rather, it hadn't even been anywhere remotely near the forefront of his thoughts, consumed as they were by grief and guilt. But at no point had he ever pictured himself finding exactly what he'd hungered for in Scien Brofiise.]
Only your generosity, is it? [Does that make it easier? A little, maybe. It's still all quite a bit to take in for one little guilty Catholic, but it's impossible for someone as susceptible to love as Lucas is to turn Scien away for long, especially when their wants coincide.
That's been the game of the last week or so, despite the horrific messes he's made along the way. Who in the world could face the full beautiful brilliance of Scien and not be completely taken in? It's still hard for him to separate himself from his venom, especially when he's not in Scien's presence, but when he is, and when he's almost entirely himself, he slips so quickly. The little flower that he can only do his best to protect against himself is held so carefully in Scien's hands and tended to so well, is it really any wonder that the roots are already burrowing fast?]
[ it could confuse the sweet cat and the unsweet scien....
but it's funny how to scien, he never once wanted these things. love was the most confounding, useless emotion of all. and despite everything, and all that he says, he is still gathering data to be sure that this is love. he doesn't want to make a statement without being certain of it. without knowing, absolutely, that this is the emotion that had driven so many into their insane acts of devastation—whether inflicted upon themselves, or others.
but feeling this horrible ache in his chest that is only soothed increment by increment by lucas's presence, to feel his heart ever so gently squeezed when looking upon his sweet face... he thinks it's not hard to come to his own conclusions.
even if this it not yet love, it almost certainly will be.
scien brings them through the doors of the apartment building and into his lab again, wandering toward the bed and away from the couch that has since been cleaned. he'll move to sit, but even then he keeps lucas in his lap so comfortably. his arms settle around his waist, almost trapping him there, even as scien presses his lips to lucas's cheeks in repeated little gestures. partially just because he can, to revel in the fact that he's even here to be kissed—and partially to answer some of that desire from earlier. ]
It is my generosity.
[ he just confirms it ]
I will wait as long as you ask me to. But as we're to live a long life together, then it's important to consider what it will be filled with. And I intend on making you the happiest person on the island, and then the world. Nadia may be equal with you.
[ scien like i'm getting ahead of this bc he knows lucas's happiness is contingent on nadia's
but ]
Will you still tell me that you'd rather not be greedy?
[He allows himself to be trapped, considering he had no reason or desire to be anywhere else, anyway. Or ability at this point, really. It's not often that Lucas feels physically helpless, but the combination of sightlessness and not even being able to feel his way around is incredibly disorienting.
See: the way the he can't even enjoy these kisses to the fullest, even if they're still comforting in a way. It satisfies a bit of his want, but leaves him feeling somewhat frustrated in return. Dying twice in murder town is a bad idea actually.]
Guide me again?
[A quiet request as he once again lifts a hand, wanting to touch without harm. He considers Scien's generosity while he waits - a greed that perhaps even his meets its match in.]
The world? [A little burst of amusement, something fond, and something discomforted. He hardly feels worthy of the happy moments he gets now, let alone having so many of them that he could be considered the happiest person. Nadia deserves the world and more, but Lucas?]
I don't want more than my fairest share of happiness. [Which probably frankly should be none given how much happiness he's stolen from others.] So I would still rather not be greedy... I'll have to ask you to wait a little longer.
[ the little request is met easily, and scien will let his fingers curl around lucas's wrist to gently bring it closer. though he will also press his lips against the center of lucas's palm and each of his fingertips first, speaking between the little notes of affection. ]
The world.
[ stubbornly! ]
I've already decided what your share of happiness should be. But I like you enough to accept waiting for you to come to the same conclusion that I have.
[ to grow into that greed and want for a peaceful, idyllic life with god at his side. and only after he makes that grand statement is when he'll again fit his cheek right into the curve of lucas's waiting palm. ]
[NOT THE WORLD!!!! He doesn't want to be the happiest person in all of the world, even being the happiest Lucas he could possibly be in this moment feels impossibly selfish. But it's hard not to warm against the affection he's shown, both in action and word.]
My, what an honor.
[It's a gentle tease, even though there is at least part of him that's aware of the fact that it is. Being the person to captivate a god to the point that he'll wait for you is quite the honor, indeed. He shifts his hand a little, feeling the shape of Scien's face as carefully as he can, brushing his thumb across the skin there. His other hand rises tentatively, and instead of waiting to be guided, he bumps his fingertips lightly against Scien's shoulder and feels his way up in a delicate and slow spidering of his fingers, using the position of his other hand as reference until he's holding Scien's face between his hands.]
Thank you for waiting, even though time is always limited.
[ he's being teased... he can feel it... that said scien's feelings are just a sort of wry amusement in response, and there's a warmth to that too. it's cute when lucas is teasing... even though scien is the target right now.
and despite the fact that these hands snapped his neck just days ago, scien doesn't feel any real apprehension or hesitance when lucas cradles his face in his hands. instead, he'll just turn his head to press another kiss to the palm that just came up to his other cheek.
his arms loop around lucas's waist again as he's entirely comfortable and calm in his hold. ]
[THIS IS EXACTLY HOW HE GOT YOUR ASS THE FIRST TIME YOU STUPID FRUIT
But at least he can't see, so there's no chance of encountering a visual trigger, and the violence that's inherently a part of him still lies dormant like a sleeping beast for the time being. The sharpness that naturally lines all parts of him is always present, but there's less tooth to it this time. He, too, seems comfortable and calm, keeping his hands so carefully placed against Scien's face, gentle as can be.]
Then I'll give you as much as I can.
[Until they all die horribly to Hisoka in a cult showdown, or until they eventually part ways and return to their separate realities and lives outside of this absolutely insane whirlwind of the past two months. He's not really thinking of that, though; he's just thinking about how soft the distant dream of such a pretty future feels.]
[ later, when he's a little less caught up in all his emotions, scien will think about how amusing it is for lucas to feel so comfortable and cozy in his arms even when he doesn't have the ability to see or fully comprehend touch. it was just weeks ago when lucas had full comprehension of all his senses, and yet was still so tense and stiff in scien's lap. it's remarkable just how far the trust has come.
he doesn't feel any type of concern when he leans forward, pressing another kiss to lucas's forehead, not even giving him the slightest warning. ]
I will not be satisfied until I receive everything.
[Progress truly blasts forward between the absolute intensity of Scien in pursuit and the lulls in complete insanity where Lucas can be more of his natural self... Scary.
There's another little blip of surprise in the vibes at the sudden kiss, but that doesn't invoke any violence, either. WHEN HE'S DOCILE HE IS TRULY SO DOCILE just calm and comfortable being held and kissed by Scien even when he can't see a damn thing. He tilts his head forward a little, letting his fingers smooth over Scien's cheeks as gently as he's able.]
All of my time? I fear you may be left unsatisfied, then.
[More gentle amusement. OH TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO PLAY TEASING FLIRT LUCAS THE WHOLE GAME YOU TIRINGASS CATHOLIC.]
[ if he tilts his head forward… does he want more kissy…? scien tilts his head briefly a little confused but just kisses both of lucas’s cheeks (face) like that’ll help. ]
You can make it up to me in other ways.
[ don’t just decide this. but even though scien’s exhausted by the weight of his own emotions, he wants to meet lucas’s gentle teasing… it’s so endearing, let him have fun ]
[DON'T JUST BECOME A FUCKING COSMIC EXTINCTION EVENT.
This is fine, though, this is fine. Scien's out here outranking even his own greed, which will truly only grow with time even if he'd like to pretend he's better than that. He's a naturally selfish person!! In that no matter what ills he's responsible for, he still wants good for himself!!]
Oh, dear... So I've gotten myself into a mess that I won't be able to get myself back out of? Is that it?
[ there's no need to be better than that! be selfish! the way that there is truly nothing selfish about scien except his greed surrounding lucas specifically ]
[ALL THE SELFISHNESS IS IN LUCAS!!!!! EVEN THOUGH HE WANTS TO BE SAINTLY AND FREE OF SIN!!!!! HE IS ALSO SOOO FULL OF EARTHLY DESIRES!!! Like the desire to simply be held in someone's arms and feel safe even though he just died his stupidest death to date and can't see or feel anything.
Anyway he'd normally tease more about this but he's still reeling from being bodied by Scien's fucking emotions so he just smiles in the soft and sad way he sometimes does.]
it warms him in an unexpected way. to be told that it's not possible to escape him and his affection. to maybe, just maybe, start to think about having something that could last. he closes his own eyes now and just lets his face rest by lucas's, brushing his nose against his cheek ]
[IT IS TRULY SIMPLY NOT POSSIBLE... Lucas feels that way now, at least - or maybe he's felt that way for a bit, but it's only recently that it's changed shape into something that he finds warm and comforting. To never be able to shake Scien Brofiise had been a curse some weeks here, even if he could simply turn away from the basement and leave. But it doesn't feel so much like one anymore.
He tilts his head a little, leaning against Scien's.]
Thank you for giving me something to stay for.
[Beyond Nadia, Scien has truly created every damn tether.]
I intend for you to have a long, fulfilling life. One full of blue skies and baked goods and cats.
[ even before things warped, scien intended for that to be the case for lucas. to heal his body and his mind until he's able to reach out and cradle his joy in his own two hands. ]
But now I intend to see that life alongside you. I won't accept a future in which I'm uninvited.
[He'd truly been so reluctant to accept the idea of it - and there will surely come times when he is again, because recovery isn't linear or a single slope upward into betterment. Even now, there's the weight of thinking that it's undeserved.
But he'll laugh just a little, anyway.]
I would never be so rude as to uninvite a person I've let into my life. [That he's let into himself, really; that he's opened his heart to, however messy and complex and volatile and at points reluctant it's been.] So it seems our future will be shared.
[ he's thinking idly of how to best handle this, when scien knows that he can't go back to lucas's timeline with him. while it's possible to just kill that scien brofiise, he has his own lucas to get back to.
what do you do when your favoritism stretches across universes, and doesn't change that there's still another person who needs you?
well.
he assumes he'll figure it out. for now he just presses a kiss to lucas's mouth to take up the space of the silence ]
[Sometimes you fall in love with your dog (cult) and realize you have to go back for your dog (therapied) because you DITCHED HIS ASS WITH NO WARNING because you DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS A DESPAIRINGLY LONELY PERSON!!!!! It's fine...
Lucas understands on some subconscious level that they'll have to part ways when they're done here, if only because there's already a Scien Brofiise in his world. But in the same way that he doesn't really think very far ahead in general, he hasn't spent much time thinking about the bleak possibilities of learning to love and letting go just yet. Scien's already mentioned something about a backup once, and he'd promptly looked at that and gone "I pretend I do not see".]
You paint quite a picture.
[NOT THE UNNAMED CAT and pending children... But he seems content with it, regardless. Just a little greed, a little indulgence.]
there is something to be said in the irony that scien's favor toward his own lucas and his attachment to this lucas has simply convinced him that there is no lucas out there in the world that he couldn't come to love. while lucas who so dearly cherishes being able to have one life experienced in one body has attachment that is so specific to this one scien, no matter how they could possibly be identical even with a memory backup delivered.
it is a chasm waiting to swallow them both.
but they can talk about cats. ]
I'd rather not get into the details of engagement and marriage without Nadia's input... I'm sure she would have thoughts.
[Sometimes you're two very different people with very different fundamental views on Relivers and also other various philosophical things that will definitely become a trainwreck in the very near future, but hey! Cats!
The thought of Nadia and her fussing just makes him feel a fond and radiating warmth in the way he always does when he thinks of Nadia, and also a touch of exasperation.]
Oh, I'm sure she would... She'll be quite relieved to know that she won't have to worry after me anymore, though. Not in this way, at least.
[NADIA WHO HAS BADGERED HIM FOR YEARS TO GET MARRIED for depressing reasons BUT DAMN. HE'S FREE.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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though the discussion of plans for a cat make him... hesitant. ]
... no, I don't like that. How will I know when you're talking to me... The cat can get its own name.
[ stupid idiot the way he's not even offended by the idea he just wants to avoid the confusion
but also, lucas offers this extremely gentle rebuttal. it feels too greedy. it feels too easy. it feels like too much to ask for. and scien's response is only so? ]
I want all these things with you. It is only my generosity that allows you to make the choices of the details.
[ does that make it easier? is it easier to want, if lucas can just blame scien for being so endlessly wanting? to seek out that future together without hesitation? scien isn't particularly concerned about the details. setting a wedding date is whatever. whether or not they grow their family is optional, but only because lucas already spends time with so many children. but.
aren't these just natural things to want, when you've decided, the entirety of a week and change ago, that you want to have someone in their entirety? their past, their present, and their future too ]
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I suppose that's true. It might confuse the sweet cat, too.
[So their cat that will share so many similarities with Scien will just have to have a different name... Meanwhile Scien refuses to give him his gentle rebuttal and let him escape!! Truly it's a good thing the brainworms are napping or they'd be riled so terribly over this insistence of painting a picture of an idyllic future together. Marriage, a family, a cute little cat - it's honestly hilarious. Are these not things he'd craved for himself before, when he wasn't aware of the guilt? When he'd felt more worthy of a peaceful life and a gentle love?
Lucas has always admired romances with soft edges and a rosy tint. He's always craved that sort of normal, idealistic beauty for himself. On realizing exactly who and what he is, he'd let go of any hope of that. Rather, it hadn't even been anywhere remotely near the forefront of his thoughts, consumed as they were by grief and guilt. But at no point had he ever pictured himself finding exactly what he'd hungered for in Scien Brofiise.]
Only your generosity, is it? [Does that make it easier? A little, maybe. It's still all quite a bit to take in for one little guilty Catholic, but it's impossible for someone as susceptible to love as Lucas is to turn Scien away for long, especially when their wants coincide.
That's been the game of the last week or so, despite the horrific messes he's made along the way. Who in the world could face the full beautiful brilliance of Scien and not be completely taken in? It's still hard for him to separate himself from his venom, especially when he's not in Scien's presence, but when he is, and when he's almost entirely himself, he slips so quickly. The little flower that he can only do his best to protect against himself is held so carefully in Scien's hands and tended to so well, is it really any wonder that the roots are already burrowing fast?]
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but it's funny how to scien, he never once wanted these things. love was the most confounding, useless emotion of all. and despite everything, and all that he says, he is still gathering data to be sure that this is love. he doesn't want to make a statement without being certain of it. without knowing, absolutely, that this is the emotion that had driven so many into their insane acts of devastation—whether inflicted upon themselves, or others.
but feeling this horrible ache in his chest that is only soothed increment by increment by lucas's presence, to feel his heart ever so gently squeezed when looking upon his sweet face... he thinks it's not hard to come to his own conclusions.
even if this it not yet love, it almost certainly will be.
scien brings them through the doors of the apartment building and into his lab again, wandering toward the bed and away from the couch that has since been cleaned. he'll move to sit, but even then he keeps lucas in his lap so comfortably. his arms settle around his waist, almost trapping him there, even as scien presses his lips to lucas's cheeks in repeated little gestures. partially just because he can, to revel in the fact that he's even here to be kissed—and partially to answer some of that desire from earlier. ]
It is my generosity.
[ he just confirms it ]
I will wait as long as you ask me to. But as we're to live a long life together, then it's important to consider what it will be filled with. And I intend on making you the happiest person on the island, and then the world. Nadia may be equal with you.
[ scien like i'm getting ahead of this bc he knows lucas's happiness is contingent on nadia's
but ]
Will you still tell me that you'd rather not be greedy?
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See: the way the he can't even enjoy these kisses to the fullest, even if they're still comforting in a way. It satisfies a bit of his want, but leaves him feeling somewhat frustrated in return. Dying twice in murder town is a bad idea actually.]
Guide me again?
[A quiet request as he once again lifts a hand, wanting to touch without harm. He considers Scien's generosity while he waits - a greed that perhaps even his meets its match in.]
The world? [A little burst of amusement, something fond, and something discomforted. He hardly feels worthy of the happy moments he gets now, let alone having so many of them that he could be considered the happiest person. Nadia deserves the world and more, but Lucas?]
I don't want more than my fairest share of happiness. [Which probably frankly should be none given how much happiness he's stolen from others.] So I would still rather not be greedy... I'll have to ask you to wait a little longer.
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The world.
[ stubbornly! ]
I've already decided what your share of happiness should be. But I like you enough to accept waiting for you to come to the same conclusion that I have.
[ to grow into that greed and want for a peaceful, idyllic life with god at his side. and only after he makes that grand statement is when he'll again fit his cheek right into the curve of lucas's waiting palm. ]
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My, what an honor.
[It's a gentle tease, even though there is at least part of him that's aware of the fact that it is. Being the person to captivate a god to the point that he'll wait for you is quite the honor, indeed. He shifts his hand a little, feeling the shape of Scien's face as carefully as he can, brushing his thumb across the skin there. His other hand rises tentatively, and instead of waiting to be guided, he bumps his fingertips lightly against Scien's shoulder and feels his way up in a delicate and slow spidering of his fingers, using the position of his other hand as reference until he's holding Scien's face between his hands.]
Thank you for waiting, even though time is always limited.
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and despite the fact that these hands snapped his neck just days ago, scien doesn't feel any real apprehension or hesitance when lucas cradles his face in his hands. instead, he'll just turn his head to press another kiss to the palm that just came up to his other cheek.
his arms loop around lucas's waist again as he's entirely comfortable and calm in his hold. ]
Mm... Any time with you is worthwhile.
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But at least he can't see, so there's no chance of encountering a visual trigger, and the violence that's inherently a part of him still lies dormant like a sleeping beast for the time being. The sharpness that naturally lines all parts of him is always present, but there's less tooth to it this time. He, too, seems comfortable and calm, keeping his hands so carefully placed against Scien's face, gentle as can be.]
Then I'll give you as much as I can.
[Until they all die horribly to Hisoka in a cult showdown, or until they eventually part ways and return to their separate realities and lives outside of this absolutely insane whirlwind of the past two months. He's not really thinking of that, though; he's just thinking about how soft the distant dream of such a pretty future feels.]
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he doesn't feel any type of concern when he leans forward, pressing another kiss to lucas's forehead, not even giving him the slightest warning. ]
I will not be satisfied until I receive everything.
[ arrogant! greedy! horrible! but so honest ]
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There's another little blip of surprise in the vibes at the sudden kiss, but that doesn't invoke any violence, either. WHEN HE'S DOCILE HE IS TRULY SO DOCILE just calm and comfortable being held and kissed by Scien even when he can't see a damn thing. He tilts his head forward a little, letting his fingers smooth over Scien's cheeks as gently as he's able.]
All of my time? I fear you may be left unsatisfied, then.
[More gentle amusement. OH TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO PLAY TEASING FLIRT LUCAS THE WHOLE GAME YOU TIRINGASS CATHOLIC.]
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You can make it up to me in other ways.
[ don’t just decide this. but even though scien’s exhausted by the weight of his own emotions, he wants to meet lucas’s gentle teasing… it’s so endearing, let him have fun ]
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Oh? You certainly have an answer to everything, don't you...
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Isn’t it obvious…? I’ll always want more from you. That is what it means to endure my attention.
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This is fine, though, this is fine. Scien's out here outranking even his own greed, which will truly only grow with time even if he'd like to pretend he's better than that. He's a naturally selfish person!! In that no matter what ills he's responsible for, he still wants good for himself!!]
Oh, dear... So I've gotten myself into a mess that I won't be able to get myself back out of? Is that it?
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Do you still think it's an option to try?
[ scien would allow so many things but like
breaking up would be crazy ]
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Anyway he'd normally tease more about this but he's still reeling from being bodied by Scien's fucking emotions so he just smiles in the soft and sad way he sometimes does.]
No, I don't think that it is.
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it warms him in an unexpected way. to be told that it's not possible to escape him and his affection. to maybe, just maybe, start to think about having something that could last. he closes his own eyes now and just lets his face rest by lucas's, brushing his nose against his cheek ]
... thank you.
For wanting to stay.
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He tilts his head a little, leaning against Scien's.]
Thank you for giving me something to stay for.
[Beyond Nadia, Scien has truly created every damn tether.]
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[ even before things warped, scien intended for that to be the case for lucas. to heal his body and his mind until he's able to reach out and cradle his joy in his own two hands. ]
But now I intend to see that life alongside you. I won't accept a future in which I'm uninvited.
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But he'll laugh just a little, anyway.]
I would never be so rude as to uninvite a person I've let into my life. [That he's let into himself, really; that he's opened his heart to, however messy and complex and volatile and at points reluctant it's been.] So it seems our future will be shared.
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[ he's thinking idly of how to best handle this, when scien knows that he can't go back to lucas's timeline with him. while it's possible to just kill that scien brofiise, he has his own lucas to get back to.
what do you do when your favoritism stretches across universes, and doesn't change that there's still another person who needs you?
well.
he assumes he'll figure it out. for now he just presses a kiss to lucas's mouth to take up the space of the silence ]
It will be. You, me, Nadia, and our unnamed cat.
[ children pending ]
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Lucas understands on some subconscious level that they'll have to part ways when they're done here, if only because there's already a Scien Brofiise in his world. But in the same way that he doesn't really think very far ahead in general, he hasn't spent much time thinking about the bleak possibilities of learning to love and letting go just yet. Scien's already mentioned something about a backup once, and he'd promptly looked at that and gone "I pretend I do not see".]
You paint quite a picture.
[NOT THE UNNAMED CAT and pending children... But he seems content with it, regardless. Just a little greed, a little indulgence.]
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there is something to be said in the irony that scien's favor toward his own lucas and his attachment to this lucas has simply convinced him that there is no lucas out there in the world that he couldn't come to love. while lucas who so dearly cherishes being able to have one life experienced in one body has attachment that is so specific to this one scien, no matter how they could possibly be identical even with a memory backup delivered.
it is a chasm waiting to swallow them both.
but they can talk about cats. ]
I'd rather not get into the details of engagement and marriage without Nadia's input... I'm sure she would have thoughts.
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The thought of Nadia and her fussing just makes him feel a fond and radiating warmth in the way he always does when he thinks of Nadia, and also a touch of exasperation.]
Oh, I'm sure she would... She'll be quite relieved to know that she won't have to worry after me anymore, though. Not in this way, at least.
[NADIA WHO HAS BADGERED HIM FOR YEARS TO GET MARRIED for depressing reasons BUT DAMN. HE'S FREE.]
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[ he sounds just a little impressed ]
I do think you contributed to this....
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