lucas please your violence. sometimes killing really is the answer, but as hateful as nehan is, he is a healer and a mender first and foremost; he doesn't have a natural inclination to harm, so this is very strange and new and a little frightening to absorb.
at the same time, because he has mental illness, he is somewhat... touched........? he's used to being angry, but after all this time spent looking after himself, it's strange to suddenly comprehend the full force of someone who really would break all the people who did this in half if things had played out a little earlier, in another life. it's not specific to him, he doesn't actually want it, but it is... something to process. nothing about this interaction is healthy. ]
Correct. ...Ours was a remote and ostracized village, for good reason. I didn't know what I was doing at the time, so I was caught and sold off eventually.
But that's not an unusual story. I imagine it happens in most worlds, even yours. [ just rounding back to earlier points: people just take advantage of the weak and lost all of the time. ]
Also listen. Killing is the answer sometimes... Nehan doesn't like murder but SOMETIMES MURDER IS DESERVED!!!!!
This is truly so abnormal and funny though. Please don't be touched about a serial killer who could and would absolutely murder the shit out of your captives from years long past. Or do be, because sometimes that's the biggest kindness life can give you! Just a real strong guy who's here to kill your problems.
He's trying to reel the murderous instinct back under control, though. It still feels like a natural part of him even though it didn't start that way, even though a part of it is, now.]
...Most likely. There are dark spaces in the alleys of any city with people in it, it seems... If there's room for the darkness of a person's heart, there's room for those who would take advantage of the young and vulnerable. [A beat.] ...Why was your village ostracized? Your trade...?
[ sometimes....... murder is the answer. but there has to be someone who takes on that responsibility, the cost of being a tool of vengeance or justice or just plain killing, and he doesn't like that part.
so after a second, he reaches out, gently putting a paw on lucas's joined hands. that is enough murderous impulse even if he appreciates the thought, there there. ]
...Yes. Karm was very secretive, and only ever really met outsiders to arrange contracts for killing. Even our names and faces were never really meant to be shared. [ no one fucking trusts a village when your main export is assassinations and you wear freaky masks all the time ] But in the end, the major port cities are that much more dangerous, I think. Too much of that dark intent. [ too many places to get lost and disappear. ] I didn't realize that as a child, is all.
[Oh paw... It's a bit of a surprising gesture from Nehan, but there's a flicker of something warm and gentle. Friendship goobers........ The violent desire to rip a man's throat out with his teeth fades a bit.]
Ah... Well. Given the trade in question here, I suppose that makes sense. [Their secrecy and the lack of trust others held toward them. GIVEN THE ASSASSINATIONS... But he does nod at that. Arpechele is too small to have the sort of criminal underbelly of a place with port cities and large capitals, but he can still understand it well enough.]
The world would be better off without those who would take advantage of children. [MURDER IS BACK murder is being chokeholded again.] ...I should like to see a place in which this is possible, but the nature of people itself would have to change.
[ FRIENDSHIP GOOBERS.... disgusting. this nearly makes him draw his hand back because he is allergic, but he persists for the sake of soothing the inner demons. THERE THERE.
though his own feelings do take a sour turn at that. he's had time to repress and resign himself to his own memories, but the general suffering of other kids is still a tough pill to swallow. ]
It would, and I don't expect it to.
[ fatalism, baby. humanity is a disaster. but after a moment, ]
...There are a fair few here who are more optimistic about changing the world around them. I can't aspire to that sort of ambition myself, but I hope they succeed.
[STUCK HAVING TO DEAL WITH FRIENDSHIP GOOBERS SO LUCAS'S VIOLENCE CAN'T JUST RUN AROUND UNLEASHED.
What a mood, though! My god! More people take a page from his serial killing book and go for the middle aged men instead of the vulnerable kids, damn. Lucas isn't fatalistic or pessimistic by nature, but after seeing the same bullshit in place after place and world after world, it's hard not to feel a little hopeless.
The mention of the optimistic goobers here has a little bit of his sorrowful cheeseburger mood lightening, though. Just a bit.]
...I hope so, as well. Many of them have the determination and ability to do so, I think - even if they're just changing things in small ways. Big changes are always heralded by the small ones first, anyway. I'd like to change some of the ills in my own world, too.
[He is going to do it through murder but he's already bloodied his hands so it's fine.]
[ THE FUCKING FRIENDSHIP GOOBERS he has been forced into a friendship situation. there is a not insignificant amount of shame in him when he's confronted with nice feelings. they can both have some catholic guilt even though he's buddhist-coded.
since he's seated and doesn't need it to stay upright on his cane, he takes his other paw and very tentatively enfolds lucas's hands between his own. ]
...Just make sure you don't do more than you can handle.
[ don't just murder people forever if you get catholic guilt for murdering people MAYBE JUST DON'T MURDER PEOPLE ]
It's... not so bad to want to fix things. [ admitted begrudgingly because he is the type to give up and let destiny take the wheel ] But you're recovering, so treat yourself first. You want to be someone your sister will find easy to love.
[ nehan's sister was also a murderer-in-training but he's grown up appreciating that if nothing else, she didn't have to live that way in the end. ]
[FORCES YOUR FURRY INTO FRIENDSHIP FORCES YOUR FURRY INTO FRIENDSHIP can't believe they were just two guilty catholics in trenchcoats all this time (lucas isn't wearing a trenchcoat) maybe so.
There's a little flicker of understanding at the feeling and then a touch of surprise at the gesture, followed by another roll of something warm. He can't hide his friendship goobers. It's a comforting gesture, along with the words said, which he meets with a thin smile.]
I know... I'll certainly wait until I'm well again to try for any of the bigger changes that I think I may be able to help with. My priorities are always with Nadia, and that means being careful as I recover. [Even though he too often just lets destiny take the wheel, so he can understand the begrudging vibes.]
But I'll need to take Nadia away from that hospital first, and while I'm there, I'll at least defang the Society. That isn't more than I can handle.
[He will not feel Catholic Guilt for supermurdering the man that drugged him and kept his sister sick for 8 years... GUOBA GUOBA GOOBY.]
...I hope that you see changes in your home, too. Even if they're small at first. Even if you aren't the one who starts them.
[ HE WASN'T EVEN COVERING IT UP WITH A TRENCHCOAT HE IS JUST FULL BLAST CATHOLIC GUILT ALL OF THE TIME but also please get better at hiding the friendship goobers he does not want these get away from him ]
...If you're sure. You do need to take her somewhere safe.
[ that's fair enough. nehan does believe there are people who deserve death, and the society seems like they could use a little comeuppance. does he think that lucas should have to deal with his own manipulators? no. but lucas can do what he thinks he's capable of living with, at least. ]
My world is... [ ... ] It's a little cleaner now. That particular organization has been mostly destroyed, at least. There will always be another to replace it, always dregs left over, but I've seen meager improvements. We'll see if it sticks.
[LISTEN........ maybe so... ALSO STOP HE'S BAD AT REPRESSING HIS FEELINGS!!! He's just very good at not showing them externally which is terrible during emotionshare week.]
It won't be any additional strain, at least.
[Ortie can simply deal with the viciousness and violence he painstakingly grew within Lucas coming back to remorselessly kill his ass.]
...I'm glad to hear that, though. [And there is a genuine sense of relief, a little flicker of something happy, even if it's far from a truly bettered world.] I hope that it sticks. Even if others replace what's gone, I hope that things can continue to improve, even if bit by bit.
[ shakes hands in emoshare being the worst week actually. still thinking about how this dude did all this because he has a gene boner
again, he is so fatalistic that it's hard to imagine real, lasting change. but it's a nice dream, if only he'll someday allow himself to have it. in the meantime, he's quiet for a moment before finally drawing his hands back, no longer sensing much of that violence in lucas which is very funny because then thursday happens
he speaks softly and hoarsely, like this is a part of his voice that he's forgotten how to use. ]
...If what you want is to make your world a little better, then I hope that's possible.
ALSO I HATE IT HERE. It's fine, the violence is gone for now, even though it will be back with a vengeance Thursday. Oh no. But also, this is such a genuinely touching thing to hear from Nehan, in this voice that's raw and honest, with words probably a little painful to give in the same way that it's a bit painful to receive them. It's the sort of pain to cherish, though. Not because he's an m.]
Thank you. [He keeps saying it even though Nehan is allergic.] One can only continue to try, I suppose... In any case.
[He will politely hold a hand out for his meds, and you can escape from this thread if you wish since im about to bodyslam you for one tomorrow.]
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lucas please your violence. sometimes killing really is the answer, but as hateful as nehan is, he is a healer and a mender first and foremost; he doesn't have a natural inclination to harm, so this is very strange and new and a little frightening to absorb.
at the same time, because he has mental illness, he is somewhat... touched........? he's used to being angry, but after all this time spent looking after himself, it's strange to suddenly comprehend the full force of someone who really would break all the people who did this in half if things had played out a little earlier, in another life. it's not specific to him, he doesn't actually want it, but it is... something to process. nothing about this interaction is healthy. ]
Correct. ...Ours was a remote and ostracized village, for good reason. I didn't know what I was doing at the time, so I was caught and sold off eventually.
But that's not an unusual story. I imagine it happens in most worlds, even yours. [ just rounding back to earlier points: people just take advantage of the weak and lost all of the time. ]
no subject
Also listen. Killing is the answer sometimes... Nehan doesn't like murder but SOMETIMES MURDER IS DESERVED!!!!!
This is truly so abnormal and funny though. Please don't be touched about a serial killer who could and would absolutely murder the shit out of your captives from years long past. Or do be, because sometimes that's the biggest kindness life can give you! Just a real strong guy who's here to kill your problems.
He's trying to reel the murderous instinct back under control, though. It still feels like a natural part of him even though it didn't start that way, even though a part of it is, now.]
...Most likely. There are dark spaces in the alleys of any city with people in it, it seems... If there's room for the darkness of a person's heart, there's room for those who would take advantage of the young and vulnerable. [A beat.] ...Why was your village ostracized? Your trade...?
no subject
so after a second, he reaches out, gently putting a paw on lucas's joined hands. that is enough murderous impulse even if he appreciates the thought, there there. ]
...Yes. Karm was very secretive, and only ever really met outsiders to arrange contracts for killing. Even our names and faces were never really meant to be shared. [ no one fucking trusts a village when your main export is assassinations and you wear freaky masks all the time ] But in the end, the major port cities are that much more dangerous, I think. Too much of that dark intent. [ too many places to get lost and disappear. ] I didn't realize that as a child, is all.
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Ah... Well. Given the trade in question here, I suppose that makes sense. [Their secrecy and the lack of trust others held toward them. GIVEN THE ASSASSINATIONS... But he does nod at that. Arpechele is too small to have the sort of criminal underbelly of a place with port cities and large capitals, but he can still understand it well enough.]
The world would be better off without those who would take advantage of children. [MURDER IS BACK murder is being chokeholded again.] ...I should like to see a place in which this is possible, but the nature of people itself would have to change.
no subject
though his own feelings do take a sour turn at that. he's had time to repress and resign himself to his own memories, but the general suffering of other kids is still a tough pill to swallow. ]
It would, and I don't expect it to.
[ fatalism, baby. humanity is a disaster. but after a moment, ]
...There are a fair few here who are more optimistic about changing the world around them. I can't aspire to that sort of ambition myself, but I hope they succeed.
no subject
What a mood, though! My god! More people take a page from his serial killing book and go for the middle aged men instead of the vulnerable kids, damn. Lucas isn't fatalistic or pessimistic by nature, but after seeing the same bullshit in place after place and world after world, it's hard not to feel a little hopeless.
The mention of the optimistic goobers here has a little bit of his sorrowful cheeseburger mood lightening, though. Just a bit.]
...I hope so, as well. Many of them have the determination and ability to do so, I think - even if they're just changing things in small ways. Big changes are always heralded by the small ones first, anyway. I'd like to change some of the ills in my own world, too.
[He is going to do it through murder but he's already bloodied his hands so it's fine.]
no subject
since he's seated and doesn't need it to stay upright on his cane, he takes his other paw and very tentatively enfolds lucas's hands between his own. ]
...Just make sure you don't do more than you can handle.
[ don't just murder people forever if you get catholic guilt for murdering people MAYBE JUST DON'T MURDER PEOPLE ]
It's... not so bad to want to fix things. [ admitted begrudgingly because he is the type to give up and let destiny take the wheel ] But you're recovering, so treat yourself first. You want to be someone your sister will find easy to love.
[ nehan's sister was also a murderer-in-training but he's grown up appreciating that if nothing else, she didn't have to live that way in the end. ]
no subject
There's a little flicker of understanding at the feeling and then a touch of surprise at the gesture, followed by another roll of something warm. He can't hide his friendship goobers. It's a comforting gesture, along with the words said, which he meets with a thin smile.]
I know... I'll certainly wait until I'm well again to try for any of the bigger changes that I think I may be able to help with. My priorities are always with Nadia, and that means being careful as I recover. [Even though he too often just lets destiny take the wheel, so he can understand the begrudging vibes.]
But I'll need to take Nadia away from that hospital first, and while I'm there, I'll at least defang the Society. That isn't more than I can handle.
[He will not feel Catholic Guilt for supermurdering the man that drugged him and kept his sister sick for 8 years... GUOBA GUOBA GOOBY.]
...I hope that you see changes in your home, too. Even if they're small at first. Even if you aren't the one who starts them.
no subject
...If you're sure. You do need to take her somewhere safe.
[ that's fair enough. nehan does believe there are people who deserve death, and the society seems like they could use a little comeuppance. does he think that lucas should have to deal with his own manipulators? no. but lucas can do what he thinks he's capable of living with, at least. ]
My world is... [ ... ] It's a little cleaner now. That particular organization has been mostly destroyed, at least. There will always be another to replace it, always dregs left over, but I've seen meager improvements. We'll see if it sticks.
no subject
It won't be any additional strain, at least.
[Ortie can simply deal with the viciousness and violence he painstakingly grew within Lucas coming back to remorselessly kill his ass.]
...I'm glad to hear that, though. [And there is a genuine sense of relief, a little flicker of something happy, even if it's far from a truly bettered world.] I hope that it sticks. Even if others replace what's gone, I hope that things can continue to improve, even if bit by bit.
no subject
again, he is so fatalistic that it's hard to imagine real, lasting change. but it's a nice dream, if only he'll someday allow himself to have it. in the meantime, he's quiet for a moment before finally drawing his hands back, no longer sensing much of that violence in lucas which is very funny because then thursday happens
he speaks softly and hoarsely, like this is a part of his voice that he's forgotten how to use. ]
...If what you want is to make your world a little better, then I hope that's possible.
no subject
ALSO I HATE IT HERE. It's fine, the violence is gone for now, even though it will be back with a vengeance Thursday. Oh no. But also, this is such a genuinely touching thing to hear from Nehan, in this voice that's raw and honest, with words probably a little painful to give in the same way that it's a bit painful to receive them. It's the sort of pain to cherish, though. Not because he's an m.]
Thank you. [He keeps saying it even though Nehan is allergic.] One can only continue to try, I suppose... In any case.
[He will politely hold a hand out for his meds, and you can escape from this thread if you wish since im about to bodyslam you for one tomorrow.]