audience: mathis

[mygod]

Comments

[cumulative]

-oh, you didn't mean... to us.

[mygod]

Both.

Cruelty is cruelty.

[cumulative]

I know. I don't... want you to have to be, either.

[mygod]

It would be a pain in the ass. Cruelty is fun but only when people deserve it.

[ don't say that ]

[cumulative]

Um- when do they deserve it...?

[mygod]

When they're lowlives that you can get rid of some stress by stepping on.

[ stop ]

[cumulative]

Do you run into people like that often?

[mygod]

Hmm... Rarely.

Most people I just ignore, but some of them push things too far.

[cumulative]

I-if it's that rare, then that's good...

[although.]

But even then, you shouldn't be too cruel to them-!

[mygod]

That is your opinion.

[ sometimes they tell mathis to speak up for themselves and sometimes they say this ]

[cumulative]

I don't think... anyone really deserves it.

[he's having an opinion let him liveee]

[mygod]

I think you are one year old.

[ stop that ]

[cumulative]

[HEY]

I- I have more years of memories than that, even if they aren't mine...!

[mygod]

[ shakes head ]

If you manage to make it the rest of your life and years after this, which you will have [ before he tries to argue ], and you do not ever encounter someone you want to be cruel to—

I would consider that a blessing.

[cumulative]

[yeah the (opens mouth closes mouth) thing happens again when they head off any objection to him having years after this.]

I don't want to feel that way about anyone again, or treat anyone like that even if... even if I do find myself wanting to.

[mygod]

Oh? You look like you'd fall if a door closed too loudly. What do you know of cruelty?

[cumulative]

I hurt her.

[he shakes his head, eyes downcast.]

And I didn't... care. I said awful things to her, I thought of something important as just- something I needed out of my way, I treated her like-

[...]

Even if it was just because of my memories, I don't want that to be me again. I- I don't want to do that to someone and still... not care that I did.

[mygod]

[ famine listens, frowning ]

... then is this not you?

The parts of yourself you want to claim, as opposed to the parts that you don't. That is part of knowing oneself. To look at actions and decide what is acceptable and not.

[cumulative]

Is it-

[oh. ...oh, well, now that they say that-

maybe they do have a point.]

M... maybe so...

[mygod]

[ nods ]

Then that is one step forward. You can no longer say that you do not know who you are, because figuring out each piece is part of being a normal person.

[cumulative]

Th-then that's... the first piece?

[mygod]

[ nods ]

And you can figure out the other pieces as quickly or slowly as you care to.

There are plenty of people in the world who never truly know themselves into death. That does not make them any less the person they are.

[cumulative]

I don't know... whether I'll figure much more of it out before then.

[so that's- at least somewhat reassuring to hear.]

[mygod]

You will.

You want to, don't you? So you will.

[cumulative]

I-I think that you have... more confidence in me than I do...