audience: ashlyn

[mygod]

Comments

[killies]

... So someone's power is to make a new rule...?

[egodist]

[ shrugs

can't give a real answer sorry girly ]

[killies]

[ she just takes this as a yes. ]

People who get bored that easily are the enemy.

[egodist]

Would you put up a boring rule instead?

[killies]

Yeah. Or no rule at all.

[egodist]

[ they pause

and then shrug again ]

I'd call it a wasted week then.

[killies]

Why? Is something supposed to happen if we follow the rules?

[egodist]

I wonder.

You keep asking questions about something I won't be able to answer definitively.

[killies]

I won't know you can't answer until I try asking. It's not my fault everything works stupid here.

[egodist]

You're not wrong.

But I can confirm that specifically regarding these rules, any answer I give you will probably be a joke or a denial.

[killies]

What use is the veil if you still can't talk openly...

[egodist]

The veil isn't active at all times, only during large gatherings, and this case is different.

I wouldn't get hung up on this one. There are other items more worthy of your attention. Like how are you doing after your monster activation?

[ just brings it up ]

[killies]

[ well, ]

Bad.

[egodist]

[ he can't say he's surprised ]

Have you told anyone?

[killies]

... No.

[ she should. she knows she should! but no. ]

[egodist]

... you don't have to.

[ he frowns, thoughtful ]

Though the three of us do know, if you find yourself needing to talk about it.

[killies]

Do you know if it'll happen again? I feel normal now, but...

[egodist]

It will. [ his voice is even and clear, because he thinks that this is important to hear ] If you are not stopped, you will kill again.

... while you're of your own mind, you should think about what you want to do.

[killies]

[ this is too familiar in the worst way. ]

There's what Gale and the others did with Camille, right? So that's... an option.

[egodist]

It is. Purge it from your body and then come back.

[ frowns ]

... but in case you have not heard it, I will tell you that it is understandable if you are hesitant to die. Even if you know the risks. It is not wretched to want to live.

[killies]

You don't have to comfort me.

[egodist]

I don't have to, but I'm not so heartless that I think you should endure this alone.

I can see the unfairness in what you are experiencing, and the dichotomy of knowing that there is blood on your hands but having a natural fear of your own death, however temporary. Perhaps I am wrong, and that is not what you are feeling.

But if you can tell no one else, you should at least hear it from someone.

[killies]

I'm used to the thought of dying and getting better. I'm used to—losing control of myself, too. But I still hate them both. I'm still... afraid of them both.

How much longer is all this supposed to last? How much damage can I do before it's over? Will that damage outweigh the good I could do with this 'wish' that I've been given? [ these are all kind of rhetorical. ]

And what if Mathis isn't able to find a new partner in time?

[egodist]

... you already gave him more time than what he was going to get. I understand your guilt, but whatever happens to him isn't your fault.

[ it's complicated, and he doesn't expect her to be consoled by this, but logically mathis was already saved by her

as for the rest, ]

I only speak to you because I believe you should make choices while you're in your right mind, whether it be to persist or to give yourself up. That, at least, will be better than having them chosen for you.

[killies]

Yes it is. I chose to be his partner. If I let something happen to me, it's knowingly putting him at risk. I'm responsible for him.

[ that's how she thinks of it, anyway. she's quiet for a long moment, before finally just saying: ]

... I'll think about it some more.