[ so true so valid karlach. scien wanders out to meet her, but he's clearly distracted. he hasn't slept in a week and it's obvious, bags under his yes, disheveled hair not even braided, and he nearly runs into a tree because he's so focused on the tablet in his hands
actually i take that back he runs directly into a tree near where she is ]
[ scien's expression grows stormy—brow furrowing in frustration. there's been a lot of stuff to be frustrated over tonight ]
That is what I'm trying to avoid. I'm running through every mental scenario, every ritual loophole, every text that we have at our disposal to see if there's something. Anything.
[ that is what all the research has been about, for pretty much the entirety of trial ]
But I will not make false promises. You should treat tonight as his last, unless another unpartnered finds him.
[ unfortunately, he won't stop. it is one of the few things that he excels at—the single-minded determination to save people. even if he somehow always fails in the few times it truly matters.
[ there really is no other word for it. scien taps at the tablet a few more times, setting something to run so he doesn't have to look at it for a second
and then he slips it into his lab coat. he walks over to her, closing some of the distance and looks up ]
... I know.
[ for so many people around here, he couldn't be assed to care if they died. it is a byproduct of being an asshole. but this weekend is so very, very different.
[she's just been a leaky faucet since the end of trial. it's not big sorry sobs or anything, but she is just like - she's crying, and she can't stop.
karlach is a wildly optimistic person - he knows this, he's seen it. she's built for taking damage, she's built for taking slug after slug, for living in a world that wanted to tear her apart, and she still came out the other side with a smile and a warmth. the hells were one thing - this is different. this is unique, a specific sort of emotional pain that she isn't as equipped to deal with. this is the result of a heart that cares a little too much about the ragtag group of morons she's collected. there's not a lot of space to grieve when everybody is, when they need you, week after week after week.
daan called her the last remaining light, the other night. what a thing to have to live up to.]
I didn't want it to be him. Or Lucas. I didn't want to outlive them.
I imagine it is a cold comfort if I am to remind you that regardless of anything that happened here, you were always at risk of it.
[ virches have so many problems in terms of longevity. even if sometimes you come alive again, dying is almost always in the cards because of canon reasons. but scien will look at her for a moment before gesturing for her to bend down. closer.
if she acquiesces, he will used his gloved hands to gently hold onto her face, thumbs brushing away at her tears ]
[it is a cold comfort - she knew it was a possibility, when lucas and mathis sat her down and told her their time was limited. it's why they'd bonded so fast. three people with a time bomb, trying to make the best of the time they had left. she just figured she'd go first. but - no such luck, there.
when he gestures, she does bend down, and... is surprised, a little. it's a gentle gesture, and it makes her feel like she might explode. she doesn't, of course, but it's a real concern.
she drags in a shaky, horrible breath.]
Going to run out of the tears eventually. [she says, with a hiccup.] I haven't fucking stopped since Lucas.
[ he doesn't mind, standing there, brushing away her tears as they come. it's fine if they don't stop, as the little repetitive motions are easy. scien isn't moved to tears, but he did say that he would take care of her. even if he cannot solve everything that happened here...
he will do his best. ]
Then keep crying until you run dry. Have a cup of tea for your throat, and then cry all over again if you need it.
It would be far more pitiful if no one cried for them. Their lives were and are worth mourning.
[this is soothing in a way that she wasn't expecting. it's kind of nice to just sit here and let him do this, and slowly let her shoulders come down from around her ears.
maybe he can't solve things, but she isn't really even looking for that. this is about all she can ask for, and she's happy to have it.]
[ it would be wrong to say that his voice is gentle. it's not. there isn't anything truly affectionate about scien, but something in his tone softens. ]
I do not mind seeing this cracked and pitiful part of you. You will find your strength again in time, because it is also a part of you. We both know that to be true. But until then...
[ he said he'd look after her. even if he is still not entirely sure how, or may not be entirely good at it. this is one more new thing that he is willing to learn. ]
I don't do things in half measures. I won't turn you away now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 2, saturday
actually i take that back he runs directly into a tree near where she is ]
Ow.
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watches him do this, and then just kind of. giggles, like an idiot.]
What the fuck are you even looking at so hard.
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and then back to her, gaze exhausted ]
The Claude brat.
You know, don't you?
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[she's also exhausted.]
He's just... gone, tomorrow?
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That is what I'm trying to avoid. I'm running through every mental scenario, every ritual loophole, every text that we have at our disposal to see if there's something. Anything.
[ that is what all the research has been about, for pretty much the entirety of trial ]
But I will not make false promises. You should treat tonight as his last, unless another unpartnered finds him.
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like, a little desperately:]
Is my partner still alive?
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he sighs. if only it could be that simple ]
Yes. Those who are unpartnered already know.
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... I've been trying to find mine. I haven't yet. [she rubs her face.] I don't know - I thought it was Aerith, but I guess not.
[...]
Fuck.
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and then he slips it into his lab coat. he walks over to her, closing some of the distance and looks up ]
... I know.
[ for so many people around here, he couldn't be assed to care if they died. it is a byproduct of being an asshole. but this weekend is so very, very different.
so he repeats softly, mournfully: ] I know.
no subject
karlach is a wildly optimistic person - he knows this, he's seen it. she's built for taking damage, she's built for taking slug after slug, for living in a world that wanted to tear her apart, and she still came out the other side with a smile and a warmth. the hells were one thing - this is different. this is unique, a specific sort of emotional pain that she isn't as equipped to deal with. this is the result of a heart that cares a little too much about the ragtag group of morons she's collected. there's not a lot of space to grieve when everybody is, when they need you, week after week after week.
daan called her the last remaining light, the other night. what a thing to have to live up to.]
I didn't want it to be him. Or Lucas. I didn't want to outlive them.
no subject
[ virches have so many problems in terms of longevity. even if sometimes you come alive again, dying is almost always in the cards because of canon reasons. but scien will look at her for a moment before gesturing for her to bend down. closer.
if she acquiesces, he will used his gloved hands to gently hold onto her face, thumbs brushing away at her tears ]
Go ahead and cry. And complain.
I will keep your secrets.
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when he gestures, she does bend down, and... is surprised, a little. it's a gentle gesture, and it makes her feel like she might explode. she doesn't, of course, but it's a real concern.
she drags in a shaky, horrible breath.]
Going to run out of the tears eventually. [she says, with a hiccup.] I haven't fucking stopped since Lucas.
[and then, miserably:]
My fucking engine hurts.
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he will do his best. ]
Then keep crying until you run dry. Have a cup of tea for your throat, and then cry all over again if you need it.
It would be far more pitiful if no one cried for them. Their lives were and are worth mourning.
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maybe he can't solve things, but she isn't really even looking for that. this is about all she can ask for, and she's happy to have it.]
Thanks.
[she croaks. a little lame laugh:]
You haven't got to be this nice to me.
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[ it would be wrong to say that his voice is gentle. it's not. there isn't anything truly affectionate about scien, but something in his tone softens. ]
I do not mind seeing this cracked and pitiful part of you. You will find your strength again in time, because it is also a part of you. We both know that to be true. But until then...
[ he said he'd look after her. even if he is still not entirely sure how, or may not be entirely good at it. this is one more new thing that he is willing to learn. ]
I don't do things in half measures. I won't turn you away now.
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You really don't. [do things in half measures.] You can see this, if you want. It's a fucking wild, amazing thing, but I trust you.
But I want to promise I'll help you when you need it, too. Even in the small ways.
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My attention is not conditional. You do not need to give me anything in return, though I know you offer because you are... you.
But I won't betray that trust.