[ OUUUGGHHH MY KARLACH anyway even if she can't see it super clearly, she will feel the absolutely insane, crushing sense of grief emanating from someone waiting for her. it's a despair that makes it hard to think, forcing the throat to constrict with emotion and pressure to build behind the eyes.
but at the sound of her voice, it's quickly stuffed into a box and compartmentalized until there is only a gradual leak of that horrible, suffocating feeling. there is a spark of relief. ]
Karlach. Hold on.
[ he will just jump down into the grave to free her ]
she is absolutely blindsided (lol) by that emotion, and it startles her into silence? in fact, when he jumps down, she nearly startles out of her skin. the only way she realizes that she can't see is because she feels the air on her face from being freed, and... it's still dark.
[ do you know how fucking hard it is to write this sudden reveal that scien fucking feels mourning abnormally hard when everyone died because of robin's feet? do you?
but he's keeping that tamped down for now, and ignores it intensely when he feels her anxiety. instead he'll immediately lower himself further, telling her briefly - ]
Yes. Just me. I'm going to take your hand, and lift you.
[ he follows through on his words, one hand finding one of hers first, gentle. the other goes to her shoulder and after she accepts the touch, to her back so he can help her sit up ]
he tells her what he's going to do, so this time, she doesn't flinch. but she does tense, because ten years of hell means her body instinctively doesn't do well with touch she doesn't see coming. still. she'll hold his hand, and she'll let him help her sit up.
which she also needs, because not only is she blind but her sense of balance is also gone. yaaay, severe vertigo, that's fun.]
I can't see.
[tense, holding his hand tightly. this is different than the last time...]
[ oh my god a giant woman who can't hold herself up right i'm yelling timber
but scien will just let his thumb brush against the back of her hand in repetitive, steady strokes. his other arm continues to support her, gently guiding her to lean into him so she has some additional support. ]
Mm. It's temporary. You'll be uncomfortable for a bit, but you can probably sleep through most of it.
[if she doesn't fall on him at least once what even is the point
she does go when he guides, breathing in and out steadily. forcing herself to, to not panic. silence, for a moment.]
I know - I know you do. [she trusts him.] Fuck.
... Are you okay? [she can't like - she really thinks that grief she felt has to be for something else. she has a lot of confidence and a lot of self-worth but thinking that he cares that much seems like... selfish? almost? or presumptuous.]
[ he sits with her through the silence, and he mirrors her breaths. the hand at her back rubs her back in the exact same rhythm, everything lining up with one another in sync.
at the question, he frowns slightly and finds himself glad she can't see it ]
... no. [ softly. and his voice sounds a little hoarse. a little thick with emotion ] But it's alright that I'm not. Eventually, I will be.
If there is any worthwhile reason to feel, then it is for this.
[ for her and her life, and the unacceptable nature of losing it. ]
[that gets her, and she's silent for a moment, taking in the hoarseness, the way his voice struggles slightly.
death has been such a strange thing here, for her. for most of them, probably. but in her own experience, over time it was less something she was desperately afraid of, and more a relief. the first time she woke up here, she was reduced to laughter, free of the monster in her chest, free of the pain she knew she was going to have to endure, free of the shackle that meant she'd have to hurt someone she loved again.
the second time, it was a relief, too. in the darkest part of the dawn, sitting with izutsumi, asking if she could be done. the third time, it was a choice. it was done with confidence, to save daan, and she did not regret it. but this time - this time, it was so fast. sudden, that she barely had time to think about it. she absently brings her free hand to rest over her abdomen, trying to find the scar left behind. this time, she isn't sure how to feel about it.
and then, carefully, she turns, and pulls him into a hug, hiding her face. for both of them, she thinks.]
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no subject
there is kicking at a coffin, and then:]
What the fuck - gods, it's dark out here, what... [grumbling.]
no subject
but at the sound of her voice, it's quickly stuffed into a box and compartmentalized until there is only a gradual leak of that horrible, suffocating feeling. there is a spark of relief. ]
Karlach. Hold on.
[ he will just jump down into the grave to free her ]
no subject
she is absolutely blindsided (lol) by that emotion, and it startles her into silence? in fact, when he jumps down, she nearly startles out of her skin. the only way she realizes that she can't see is because she feels the air on her face from being freed, and... it's still dark.
a panicky feeling, and then:]
Scien?
no subject
but he's keeping that tamped down for now, and ignores it intensely when he feels her anxiety. instead he'll immediately lower himself further, telling her briefly - ]
Yes. Just me. I'm going to take your hand, and lift you.
[ he follows through on his words, one hand finding one of hers first, gentle. the other goes to her shoulder and after she accepts the touch, to her back so he can help her sit up ]
no subject
he tells her what he's going to do, so this time, she doesn't flinch. but she does tense, because ten years of hell means her body instinctively doesn't do well with touch she doesn't see coming. still. she'll hold his hand, and she'll let him help her sit up.
which she also needs, because not only is she blind but her sense of balance is also gone. yaaay, severe vertigo, that's fun.]
I can't see.
[tense, holding his hand tightly. this is different than the last time...]
no subject
but scien will just let his thumb brush against the back of her hand in repetitive, steady strokes. his other arm continues to support her, gently guiding her to lean into him so she has some additional support. ]
Mm. It's temporary. You'll be uncomfortable for a bit, but you can probably sleep through most of it.
I've got you, until then.
no subject
she does go when he guides, breathing in and out steadily. forcing herself to, to not panic. silence, for a moment.]
I know - I know you do. [she trusts him.] Fuck.
... Are you okay? [she can't like - she really thinks that grief she felt has to be for something else. she has a lot of confidence and a lot of self-worth but thinking that he cares that much seems like... selfish? almost? or presumptuous.]
no subject
at the question, he frowns slightly and finds himself glad she can't see it ]
... no. [ softly. and his voice sounds a little hoarse. a little thick with emotion ] But it's alright that I'm not. Eventually, I will be.
If there is any worthwhile reason to feel, then it is for this.
[ for her and her life, and the unacceptable nature of losing it. ]
no subject
death has been such a strange thing here, for her. for most of them, probably. but in her own experience, over time it was less something she was desperately afraid of, and more a relief. the first time she woke up here, she was reduced to laughter, free of the monster in her chest, free of the pain she knew she was going to have to endure, free of the shackle that meant she'd have to hurt someone she loved again.
the second time, it was a relief, too. in the darkest part of the dawn, sitting with izutsumi, asking if she could be done. the third time, it was a choice. it was done with confidence, to save daan, and she did not regret it. but this time - this time, it was so fast. sudden, that she barely had time to think about it. she absently brings her free hand to rest over her abdomen, trying to find the scar left behind. this time, she isn't sure how to feel about it.
and then, carefully, she turns, and pulls him into a hug, hiding her face. for both of them, she thinks.]
M'sorry.