For now, there's the cheery surprise again! Wow! He's learning so many new things about Scien and he is not inclined to immediately disbelieve everything because of the ingrained intense and insane hatred within him! Wowee the devil tests out Nadia's treatments on himself first, what a time to be alive!]
That sounds like a taxing endeavor! [TO SAY THE LEAST. But since Scien is currently dealing with him instead of working (he's probably still working) maybe so--] Will you take it, then?
[ he tilts his head slightly at the suggestion that it's taxing. is it? ]
It is the obvious course of action. [ IS IT, SCIEN? ] I know you would agree with me that that child is worth every effort. I do not pursue things half-heartedly. I will not break my word to you.
[ nadia WILL be healed. but regardless he nods in lucas' direction ]
Did you take your medicine already? If not, let's have it together.
[IS IT????? IT'S A COURSE OF ACTION THAT WILL HAUNT HIM LATER!! For now, though, he remains jovial. Taking Lavi's hohoho energy.]
I do agree with that! [NADIA IS WORTH THE WHOLE WORLD even with all of his Catholic Guilt he'd still soup this whole camp if it meant saving her life. But now he gets to be happy vibes about it instead of crushed!]
I haven't, yet. [HE DOESN'T EVEN GET TO TAKE NO STEPS FORWARD OR BACK NOW DAMN he did bring the bottle with him this time though since he remembered Scien wanting him to take it when he saw it in his room, so he pulls it from a pocket and starts to uncap it to shake a pill out.]
[ they're in agreement about nadia then, as scien assumed that they would be. truly lucas not loving nadia will singlehandedly prove that he's a crazy pod person.
scien has multiple vials to take, but he'll at least entertain the request. he can't help but laugh faintly—amused, not entirely mockingly for once. ]
Like a cheers if you insist, you lush.
[ says the lightweight... but scien will bring his vial closer to where lucas can see it in their facetime for a clink clink ]
[CAN YOU IMAGINE A REALITY IN WHICH HE DOES NOT LOVE NADIA that's the Reliver AU he feared his whole life honestly.]
I haven't even had a full bottle today, you know!
[SAYS LUCAS WHO FORGOT THAT SCIEN SAID HE DIDN'T MEET HIM UNTIL HE WAS IMPLODING AND INSANE. His five bottles of wine dinner, hidden once more... But he doesn't have any water so he just tippytaps his lil pill-holding hand toward the facetime image of the vial.]
[BOTTOMS UP. Pops this pill that is so much better for him than his horrible syringes full of demon drugs. After he's done:]
You keep saying that?
[STOP GIVING HIM YOUR WORD. Except rather than being confused and enraged he's just still confused and enthused. He caps his pill bottle, sliding it back away.]
I would rather give you action, but it is hard to do so when you are still so distrusting... and I don't want to override your ability to make conscious choices.
[ scien like honestly i could knock you out and force you into detox (which yves route scien was gonna do anyway,,) but right now you're awake and it can't be helped ]
But I will not give up. On you, on her, or your future. That is all there is to it.
[YVES ROUTE SCIEN REALLY SAID NO BEING DELICATE NO WAITING WE FIX THIS PROBLEM NOW. Meanwhile Lucas continues to vibe like a cat who took gabapentin.]
You say such complicated things so simply! [THEY ARE ONLY COMPLICATED TO YOUR CRAZY LITTLE BRAIN.] But thank you, it's very kind. As far as conscious choices go, I'd always choose the option that led to Nadia's wellness and a bright and lovely future, of course.
[ scien's whole thing is making complicated things turn out to be simple though, so he's not altogether surprised. as for still choosing nadia above all else, he's not surprised ]
Then you know that you are necessary for her future to be so 'bright'. Stop neglecting yourself, or she'll pout at you. Those exchanges are so constant, I get tired of hearing them.
[ lucas being all sad and catholic and nadia just reverse uno-ing him with 'oh but if i was the reason then maybe i should be sad too' and then lucas just fucking giving up while scien writes down her vitals on a chart in the background ]
[HE REALLY DID DO THAT. FUCKING BLEW THE MAN UP AND NEVER REALIZED BUT INSULTED HIM ON HIS WAY OUT THE DOOR. Cheerfully walking around the subject of brainwashing. He cannot feel conflicting emotions but he can still run.]
Oh, I see! Yes, he hates you very much. It makes sense, given you're the father of all Relivers.
[A DEMON says Lucas full of happiness and cheer and then happiness, cheer and confusion.]
I'm still teaching. [HE'S STILL A TEACHER.] I do find it to be my soul's calling!
[It is not a strong enough tether alone in the face of ALL THIS MISERY but it's something outside of Nadia, at least. Or something.]
... unpack that statement. Ortie is a Reliver. Would he hate me for that reason? Or is it more convenient for him to convince you to hate me?
[ does it make sense, lucas? does it? ]
Ah, right. [ a beat. there is a reason why his lucas needed therapy before going back to teaching.... ] You do seem to have the skill and patience for it.
[SCIEN TRYING TO SPEEDRUN THERAPY WHILE LUCAS IS IN TOO MUCH OF A GOOD MOOD TO QUESTION ANYTHING. Too bad that this will absolutely hit like a truck later and then he gets bulldozed Thursday.]
Ah... It is strange! Though, is it not true that your creation reflects your uncaring heart?
[SAID CHEERFULLY AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT ALL SCIEN HAS SHOWN HIM IS A CARING HEART. Brainwashing is rough even when you're cursed about it.]
[ he knows he can't do complete therapy in just a few hours but he can definitely start to poke holes in things while he has lucas around for a conversation. he doesn't want to talk about what makes lucas happy, but he'll talk about the complicated history of relivers in hindsight ]
Does it? Or does it not show my commitment to life, to prevent our island of people from dying out before a cure is found? Will you of all tell me that some people deserve to die just because of the circumstances of their birth, or should someone try to fix it?
[ nadia was especially unlucky and wasn't even going to make it to 23. but isn't 23 also inherently unfair? scien solved it all out of boredom, yes, but hhe also didn't abandon it once he found the temporary reliver fix.
a beat, and then thoughtful ]
The initial Reliver model had defects. I was too proud to admit that for a long time, as being a Reliver halted even my ability to grow and change my mind until drastic circumstances came along.
... but both of my friends died, as a result of my negligence. I will be paying for that for the rest of my life. So I made changes to the Reliver model and forced everyone to upgrade, so emotional processing is restored so everyone can live their one, normal, human life.
However, if Relivers didn't exist, Nadia would never have been born. [ since the prousts were relivers... ] If they didn't exist, I would have died long before I could meet you in my timeline, or save her. If I didn't exist, medical technology in our island would still be in the stone age, and it would've been harder to even keep her alive to [ tilts head. ] How old is yours? 12?
[STOP, NO, GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE LUCAS HAPPY!! Except again that's just everything right now, including this complicated history of Relivers which includes the fact that Scien did irrefutably save their wholeass nation, even if his technology also created many problems within said saved nation. They WEREN'T EVEN REALLY HIS FAULT but Lucas is still of the inclination to cast blame and bite regardless, even if the biting part is on the backburner for now.]
I don't think the Scien Brofiise that I know has any plans on altering the model. [HIS FRIENDS AREN'T DEAD.] But it's surprising that you would consider changing it at all! And I suppose just as surprising to know that you have friends?
[HAD. IT WAS ONLY THE TWO. "BOTH OF MY FRIENDS" MEANS BOTH OF THE ONLY TWO HE HAS. Lucas just says this all with the same sort of even-keeled pleasant demeanor. He is learning so much about local demon lord Scien Brofiise today!]
Nadia is a blessing from God, but it's true that much of the technology that helped support her recovery is credited to you. It's also undeniably true that she wouldn't be here if Relivers didn't exist, even if our parents failed her terribly.
[THEY'RE ALREADY DEAD ALSO HE HAS SO MANY COMPLEX FEELINGS ABOUT THIS BUT CAN ONLY EXPRESS :)]
[ he tries to do the math, trying his best to place timelines. he doesn't know enough about it, but he knows how old lucas and mathis are, and so he can make broad statements like this: ]
Your Scien Brofiise is at the age where I realized I had to change. It is possible. If you seek to repair your nation so Nadia can have a more comfortable future, I can tell you how to do it.
[ but he frowns at the mention of how the prousts failed nadia terribly. they failed lucas terribly. that is the result of reliver technology. in a lot of cases, scien still doesn't want to bother taking responsibility for things that he didn't influence. people are people. they make their own choices. but for the prousts... ]
I do not tell you any of this to absolve me of blame, just as I'm sure you don't wish to be absolved of your blame. But despite rumors, I do not consider myself a devil or a saint. [ he is a god tho. it's fine. ] I simply follow my own principles, and maximize efficiency. I know that convincing you of this will take time, and only extended work will put proof to any of my words.
[ because it can be manipulation. duplicitous. people inherently distrust scien because they think anyone who doesn't care about other people (general) must not care about people (theoretical) when he is clear proof otherwise.
but. ]
It must be easy for you to believe me when I say that I am aware I'm not a good person, and don't make a great effort to be one. I don't take that back. [ he'd said it before, and lucas seemed so satisfied to hear it. but. ] But since the day we've met, I've endeavored to be good to you. To Nadia.
Please do! Though I really don't think it would make a difference, coming from me.
[HE STILL ISN'T SURE HE TRUSTS SCIEN'S EXPLANATION FOR HIS ASS GETTING KIDNAPPED and he doesn't think anything he says or does would move Scien, beyond just killing him.]
In any case, it is an easy thing to believe. [That he isn't a good person. He doesn't look satisfied to hear it this time, but that is because he's stuck with two primary emotions and neither are vindictive.] And it's much harder to believe that you of all people would wish to be good to me. [A thoughtful little pause.] Though I suppose you haven't done anything particularly bad while I've been here. And you did let me use your shower even after I kicked you!
[He may recant this opinion when he snaps out of it and realizes he now has to struggle through detox and all of this emotional turmoil and intense suffering without HIS FAVORITE CRUTCH.]
[ when lucas isn't cursed to all hell.... scien can talk about history lessons just fine but future decisions that will affect the fate of their country will require both of them to be more clear-headed. but also, to clarify: ] It is something only you can do.
[ because in every time, scien always favors lucas. this scien doesn't even know that, but it's true. ]
And it is only harder to believe because you won't let go of preconceived notions formulated about a man you never met. That doesn't seem very thoughtful, Professeur.
[ just to point that out... he sighs ]
But it doesn't matter to me what abuse you throw at me. [ he gets annoyed at being kicked or misunderstood, but it's not a resentment that lingers. especially because he then has the nerve to say: ] There is nothing I wouldn't do for you.
I see! Then I'll ask about it when I come back for my second checkup.
[JURY'S STILL OUT ON WHETHER OR NOT THIS WILL HAPPEN GOOD LORD ABOVE THIS WEEK GROUND HIM INTO A FINE POWDER.
also the way i wanted so badly to dramatically un-curse in the middle of this thread but then realized it made literally no sense with the timeline i created so LUCAS REMAINS CURSED. HE'S JUST HAPPY TO HEAR THIS FUCKING BANGER LINE IN THE SAME WAY HE'S HAPPY TO HEAR LITERALLY ANYTHING RIGHT NOW but he will remember this.]
It's not very thoughtful in the least, is it? And yet, I find the notions so difficult to part with. [CHEERFUL ABOUT 8 YEARS OF BRAINWASHING.] Statements like that are even harder to digest! You should probably not allow me to kick you into any more trees, though, I think.
[ truly lucas went through it so bad and scien honestly is always prepared to be disappointed, but once again it's nothing he'll hold against lucas himself. maybe it's fine if you break your word when you're giving it to the devil, even as he's trying to detangle some of your very thorough brainwashing ]
If I prevent you from harming me, it is only because I know that you'd rather not harm anyone... and I'd be annoyed if I was made less effective in my duties. But even if you do hit me, I won't hold it against you.
[ just to clarify... truly, what is it like to receive god's unconditional favoritism. ]
... your war with your mind is not your fault. However, I know that you're capable of fighting down the falsities that have been fed to you long enough to trust me to help you. Sometimes even save you.
[ even though those moments are because scien decides to save lucas, and less because he asks for it. truly the hand of god reaching down to pull him from his sad puppy puddle ]
You do not need to fulfill anything for me, in exchange for my treatment to save your life. But if I were to ask for anything, it would only be your trust. [ a beat ] Don't answer now. [ you're so cursed and agreeable ] I only wanted to make that clear.
[At least he's successfully eliminated one disappointment before it could happen even if there is still room for MORE DISAPPOINTMENTS YET!!]
I really would rather not hurt anyone else, I think.
[I THINK he says, because even in his CHEERFUL STATE it's not like it's erased the memories of his intense Scien hatred from before. He just can't feel them right now. WILD. RELIVER LITE. This feels true to him in the moment, though.
HE REALLY DOES JUST KEEP HAND OF GODING HIM FROM HIS SAD PUPPY PUDDLE THOUGH EVEN WHEN HE DOESN'T WANT THE HAND DESPITE IT BEING BETTER FOR HIM. Anyway he opens his mouth and then Scien says don't answer now, so he closes his mouth again.]
It's clear! Even if it's still such a terribly strange thing to consider. [People do not simply do things for him without anything in exchange. NOT EVEN GOD (SKY).] Is my trust worth so much?
... I know you wouldn't. Despite what your hands have done. I know you've always only wanted a peaceful, quiet life with your family and students. I think you still have a chance to have it.
[ but he'll leave it at that. he's not out here trying to spook lucas with all his proust lore knowledge for once, but just.... a simple, affirming statement. appealing to the parts of lucas that he knows to be selfish enough to not let go of the good things he gets when they come. that yearns for simplicity and normalcy, despite being such a fearsome weapon used by so many awful hands.
sometimes you try to inject hope directly into the veins,,
anyway. ]
... and yes. It would become simpler to treat you, and help you recover faster so that you can have that comfortable future with Nadia. [ starting with this, because lucas always has a higher chance of listening if it's for nadia's sake
but. ] I'd forgotten what it's like to not have you believe in me. I had gotten used to it.
[He says this truly and fully with his whole happy heart because it's not currently bogged down by 100 miles of Catholic Guilt™, but it's true, Scien knows him well once again. He's selfish in the way he'll hold on to the good in his life, even as he's come to realize exactly what he is and what he's done and feels very strongly that he deserves none of it.
He's also fucking right to lead with Nadia AGAIN!! Lucas is going to have so much to try digesting after this conversation and only like a day to attempt to process it before he's hit with another bat.]
Oh, I would love for that future to come more quickly, too. That sweet girl has waited far too long already. [HIS PERFECT PRECIOUS NADIA!!!!] But I suppose it's been a while for you, hasn't it. Years, was it? What a strange reality!
[A light, airy laugh, SO FREE OF TRAUMA AND CATHOLIC GUILT. THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL GET TO HAVE A NONDRAMATIC SCIEN THREAD FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE AND SO MUCH STILL HAPPENED.]
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For now, there's the cheery surprise again! Wow! He's learning so many new things about Scien and he is not inclined to immediately disbelieve everything because of the ingrained intense and insane hatred within him! Wowee the devil tests out Nadia's treatments on himself first, what a time to be alive!]
That sounds like a taxing endeavor! [TO SAY THE LEAST. But since Scien is currently dealing with him instead of working (he's probably still working) maybe so--] Will you take it, then?
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It is the obvious course of action. [ IS IT, SCIEN? ] I know you would agree with me that that child is worth every effort. I do not pursue things half-heartedly. I will not break my word to you.
[ nadia WILL be healed. but regardless he nods in lucas' direction ]
Did you take your medicine already? If not, let's have it together.
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I do agree with that! [NADIA IS WORTH THE WHOLE WORLD even with all of his Catholic Guilt he'd still soup this whole camp if it meant saving her life. But now he gets to be happy vibes about it instead of crushed!]
I haven't, yet. [HE DOESN'T EVEN GET TO TAKE NO STEPS FORWARD OR BACK NOW DAMN he did bring the bottle with him this time though since he remembered Scien wanting him to take it when he saw it in his room, so he pulls it from a pocket and starts to uncap it to shake a pill out.]
Like a cheers?
[Stop drinking.]
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scien has multiple vials to take, but he'll at least entertain the request. he can't help but laugh faintly—amused, not entirely mockingly for once. ]
Like a cheers if you insist, you lush.
[ says the lightweight... but scien will bring his vial closer to where lucas can see it in their facetime for a clink clink ]
You decide what we are cheers-ing to.
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I haven't even had a full bottle today, you know!
[SAYS LUCAS WHO FORGOT THAT SCIEN SAID HE DIDN'T MEET HIM UNTIL HE WAS IMPLODING AND INSANE. His five bottles of wine dinner, hidden once more... But he doesn't have any water so he just tippytaps his lil pill-holding hand toward the facetime image of the vial.]
Hm... To not being dead yet, I suppose?
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[ that's plenty for scien. scien is some people. but he'll get as close to a clink clink to the pill as he can ]
Mm. It's not over yet.
I will return you to her. You have my word.
[ and he'll knock back his vial afterward. bottoms up ]
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You keep saying that?
[STOP GIVING HIM YOUR WORD. Except rather than being confused and enraged he's just still confused and enthused. He caps his pill bottle, sliding it back away.]
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[ scien like honestly i could knock you out and force you into detox (which yves route scien was gonna do anyway,,) but right now you're awake and it can't be helped ]
But I will not give up. On you, on her, or your future. That is all there is to it.
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You say such complicated things so simply! [THEY ARE ONLY COMPLICATED TO YOUR CRAZY LITTLE BRAIN.] But thank you, it's very kind. As far as conscious choices go, I'd always choose the option that led to Nadia's wellness and a bright and lovely future, of course.
[EVEN CURSED ALL TO HELL IT'S ALL ABOUT NADIA.]
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[ scien's whole thing is making complicated things turn out to be simple though, so he's not altogether surprised. as for still choosing nadia above all else, he's not surprised ]
Then you know that you are necessary for her future to be so 'bright'. Stop neglecting yourself, or she'll pout at you. Those exchanges are so constant, I get tired of hearing them.
[ lucas being all sad and catholic and nadia just reverse uno-ing him with 'oh but if i was the reason then maybe i should be sad too' and then lucas just fucking giving up while scien writes down her vitals on a chart in the background ]
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[That's what makes it complicated... GOD THOUGH. Nadia isn't here to guilt him out of his guilt so everyone just gets to suffer.]
I don't think that I neglect myself, though? [HE TAKES CARE OF HIMSELF!! Physically.] And I do know that! That's why I'm still here, after all.
[If he thought Nadia would be fine without him his ass would have just confessed about Ichiban since he'd have gotten the Vicks either way.]
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[ and also scien went out of his way to insult his life's work but i actually doubt scien would remember that detail in particular. so funny ]
... have you considered having another reason for being here? Like going back to teaching?
[ since lucas liked it enough to go through therapy to return to his occupation... ]
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Oh, I see! Yes, he hates you very much. It makes sense, given you're the father of all Relivers.
[A DEMON says Lucas full of happiness and cheer and then happiness, cheer and confusion.]
I'm still teaching. [HE'S STILL A TEACHER.] I do find it to be my soul's calling!
[It is not a strong enough tether alone in the face of ALL THIS MISERY but it's something outside of Nadia, at least. Or something.]
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[ does it make sense, lucas? does it? ]
Ah, right. [ a beat. there is a reason why his lucas needed therapy before going back to teaching.... ] You do seem to have the skill and patience for it.
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Ah... It is strange! Though, is it not true that your creation reflects your uncaring heart?
[SAID CHEERFULLY AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT ALL SCIEN HAS SHOWN HIM IS A CARING HEART. Brainwashing is rough even when you're cursed about it.]
Thank you, though! I'm happy to hear it.
[HE'S HAPPY TO HEAR EVERYTHING.]
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Does it? Or does it not show my commitment to life, to prevent our island of people from dying out before a cure is found? Will you of all tell me that some people deserve to die just because of the circumstances of their birth, or should someone try to fix it?
[ nadia was especially unlucky and wasn't even going to make it to 23. but isn't 23 also inherently unfair? scien solved it all out of boredom, yes, but hhe also didn't abandon it once he found the temporary reliver fix.
a beat, and then thoughtful ]
The initial Reliver model had defects. I was too proud to admit that for a long time, as being a Reliver halted even my ability to grow and change my mind until drastic circumstances came along.
... but both of my friends died, as a result of my negligence. I will be paying for that for the rest of my life. So I made changes to the Reliver model and forced everyone to upgrade, so emotional processing is restored so everyone can live their one, normal, human life.
However, if Relivers didn't exist, Nadia would never have been born. [ since the prousts were relivers... ] If they didn't exist, I would have died long before I could meet you in my timeline, or save her. If I didn't exist, medical technology in our island would still be in the stone age, and it would've been harder to even keep her alive to [ tilts head. ] How old is yours? 12?
Is that better, Professeur?
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I don't think the Scien Brofiise that I know has any plans on altering the model. [HIS FRIENDS AREN'T DEAD.] But it's surprising that you would consider changing it at all! And I suppose just as surprising to know that you have friends?
[HAD. IT WAS ONLY THE TWO. "BOTH OF MY FRIENDS" MEANS BOTH OF THE ONLY TWO HE HAS. Lucas just says this all with the same sort of even-keeled pleasant demeanor. He is learning so much about local demon lord Scien Brofiise today!]
Nadia is a blessing from God, but it's true that much of the technology that helped support her recovery is credited to you. It's also undeniably true that she wouldn't be here if Relivers didn't exist, even if our parents failed her terribly.
[THEY'RE ALREADY DEAD ALSO HE HAS SO MANY COMPLEX FEELINGS ABOUT THIS BUT CAN ONLY EXPRESS :)]
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Your Scien Brofiise is at the age where I realized I had to change. It is possible. If you seek to repair your nation so Nadia can have a more comfortable future, I can tell you how to do it.
[ but he frowns at the mention of how the prousts failed nadia terribly. they failed lucas terribly. that is the result of reliver technology. in a lot of cases, scien still doesn't want to bother taking responsibility for things that he didn't influence. people are people. they make their own choices. but for the prousts... ]
I do not tell you any of this to absolve me of blame, just as I'm sure you don't wish to be absolved of your blame. But despite rumors, I do not consider myself a devil or a saint. [ he is a god tho. it's fine. ] I simply follow my own principles, and maximize efficiency. I know that convincing you of this will take time, and only extended work will put proof to any of my words.
[ because it can be manipulation. duplicitous. people inherently distrust scien because they think anyone who doesn't care about other people (general) must not care about people (theoretical) when he is clear proof otherwise.
but. ]
It must be easy for you to believe me when I say that I am aware I'm not a good person, and don't make a great effort to be one. I don't take that back. [ he'd said it before, and lucas seemed so satisfied to hear it. but. ] But since the day we've met, I've endeavored to be good to you. To Nadia.
I won't be straying from that any time soon.
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[HE STILL ISN'T SURE HE TRUSTS SCIEN'S EXPLANATION FOR HIS ASS GETTING KIDNAPPED and he doesn't think anything he says or does would move Scien, beyond just killing him.]
In any case, it is an easy thing to believe. [That he isn't a good person. He doesn't look satisfied to hear it this time, but that is because he's stuck with two primary emotions and neither are vindictive.] And it's much harder to believe that you of all people would wish to be good to me. [A thoughtful little pause.] Though I suppose you haven't done anything particularly bad while I've been here. And you did let me use your shower even after I kicked you!
[He may recant this opinion when he snaps out of it and realizes he now has to struggle through detox and all of this emotional turmoil and intense suffering without HIS FAVORITE CRUTCH.]
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Ask me again in a few days. I will tell you.
[ when lucas isn't cursed to all hell.... scien can talk about history lessons just fine but future decisions that will affect the fate of their country will require both of them to be more clear-headed. but also, to clarify: ] It is something only you can do.
[ because in every time, scien always favors lucas. this scien doesn't even know that, but it's true. ]
And it is only harder to believe because you won't let go of preconceived notions formulated about a man you never met. That doesn't seem very thoughtful, Professeur.
[ just to point that out... he sighs ]
But it doesn't matter to me what abuse you throw at me. [ he gets annoyed at being kicked or misunderstood, but it's not a resentment that lingers. especially because he then has the nerve to say: ] There is nothing I wouldn't do for you.
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[JURY'S STILL OUT ON WHETHER OR NOT THIS WILL HAPPEN GOOD LORD ABOVE THIS WEEK GROUND HIM INTO A FINE POWDER.
also the way i wanted so badly to dramatically un-curse in the middle of this thread but then realized it made literally no sense with the timeline i created so LUCAS REMAINS CURSED. HE'S JUST HAPPY TO HEAR THIS FUCKING BANGER LINE IN THE SAME WAY HE'S HAPPY TO HEAR LITERALLY ANYTHING RIGHT NOW but he will remember this.]
It's not very thoughtful in the least, is it? And yet, I find the notions so difficult to part with. [CHEERFUL ABOUT 8 YEARS OF BRAINWASHING.] Statements like that are even harder to digest! You should probably not allow me to kick you into any more trees, though, I think.
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If I prevent you from harming me, it is only because I know that you'd rather not harm anyone... and I'd be annoyed if I was made less effective in my duties. But even if you do hit me, I won't hold it against you.
[ just to clarify... truly, what is it like to receive god's unconditional favoritism. ]
... your war with your mind is not your fault. However, I know that you're capable of fighting down the falsities that have been fed to you long enough to trust me to help you. Sometimes even save you.
[ even though those moments are because scien decides to save lucas, and less because he asks for it. truly the hand of god reaching down to pull him from his sad puppy puddle ]
You do not need to fulfill anything for me, in exchange for my treatment to save your life. But if I were to ask for anything, it would only be your trust. [ a beat ] Don't answer now. [ you're so cursed and agreeable ] I only wanted to make that clear.
no subject
I really would rather not hurt anyone else, I think.
[I THINK he says, because even in his CHEERFUL STATE it's not like it's erased the memories of his intense Scien hatred from before. He just can't feel them right now. WILD. RELIVER LITE. This feels true to him in the moment, though.
HE REALLY DOES JUST KEEP HAND OF GODING HIM FROM HIS SAD PUPPY PUDDLE THOUGH EVEN WHEN HE DOESN'T WANT THE HAND DESPITE IT BEING BETTER FOR HIM. Anyway he opens his mouth and then Scien says don't answer now, so he closes his mouth again.]
It's clear! Even if it's still such a terribly strange thing to consider. [People do not simply do things for him without anything in exchange. NOT EVEN GOD (SKY).] Is my trust worth so much?
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[ but he'll leave it at that. he's not out here trying to spook lucas with all his proust lore knowledge for once, but just.... a simple, affirming statement. appealing to the parts of lucas that he knows to be selfish enough to not let go of the good things he gets when they come. that yearns for simplicity and normalcy, despite being such a fearsome weapon used by so many awful hands.
sometimes you try to inject hope directly into the veins,,
anyway. ]
... and yes. It would become simpler to treat you, and help you recover faster so that you can have that comfortable future with Nadia. [ starting with this, because lucas always has a higher chance of listening if it's for nadia's sake
but. ] I'd forgotten what it's like to not have you believe in me. I had gotten used to it.
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[He says this truly and fully with his whole happy heart because it's not currently bogged down by 100 miles of Catholic Guilt™, but it's true, Scien knows him well once again. He's selfish in the way he'll hold on to the good in his life, even as he's come to realize exactly what he is and what he's done and feels very strongly that he deserves none of it.
He's also fucking right to lead with Nadia AGAIN!! Lucas is going to have so much to try digesting after this conversation and only like a day to attempt to process it before he's hit with another bat.]
Oh, I would love for that future to come more quickly, too. That sweet girl has waited far too long already. [HIS PERFECT PRECIOUS NADIA!!!!] But I suppose it's been a while for you, hasn't it. Years, was it? What a strange reality!
[A light, airy laugh, SO FREE OF TRAUMA AND CATHOLIC GUILT. THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL GET TO HAVE A NONDRAMATIC SCIEN THREAD FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE AND SO MUCH STILL HAPPENED.]
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