Thank you. [Time to spread this list around yippie. At the question, he just sort of. Hesitates. The elephant in this room just has a tissue on it, not even a baby blanket...]
...I— [Like fifty things rapidly cycle through his brain and yet what he fuckin says is just:] I apologize that you had to see.
[THE HORRIFIC BODY HE CREATED? THREE OF THEM JUST RUNNING OFF IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS GETTING READY TO KILL??]
[NOW HE'S JUST CREATED TWO WEIRD ELEPHANTS WITH A TISSUE.
He's just quiet for a second.]
I wish that this place hadn't taken some from me.
[Then he could have just grabbed Ichiban's head and made it explode like a grape and he wouldn't have had to STAB HIM 500 TIMES WITH AN AXE LIKE A MANIAC (he is a maniac) maybe so......]
[HE'S HAVING SO MANY BREAKDOWNS ABOUT LOOKING INTO THE MIRROR AND WONDERING IF THE EVIL IS HIM TODAY that this statement really just guts him, and he's just left quieted for a second, unsure of how to process these EMOTIONS or respond.]
...I... would do anything for Nadia, but...
[Maybe she would be better off if she'd been born into a different family.]
[Sometimes........ sick people have a bond of understanding...
He just closes his eyes at that, hand raising, fingers pressing over his mouth.]
I wouldn't want for her to feel sad or angry. That child has already been through too much.
[This is why he has to keep his serial killing a SECRET. He's never looked at the very glaring disparities in his logic as to why he'd simultaneously want to hide his bloody hands but also thinks he's doing a great job sending people to heaven.]
Sadness and anger are emotions she's going to feel no matter what. It's part of being alive, isn't it? So you shouldn't take those feelings away from her experience in being in the world.
[HE'LL EXPLODE FROM SORROW BUT ALSO GIVE THE DYING TERMINATOR IN LAVA THUMBS UP... FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS NADIA!!]
It is... I would never think to take away the feelings she might experience. [He wishes he could protect her from the awful horrible emotions in the way a fussy and overbearing elder sibling would, but given they are freaks from the freak island, he would rather she feel despair if it means she can also feel happiness.]
...Which is why I need to return to her side.
[So he can see her renewed health for himself and then never say anything about any of this!]
[This makes Pesto his favorite Overseer!! Everyone should stan Nadia even if they don't know her!!!
There's a little smile in response to that, though, tired but genuine. He punched a man's heart out for this but it's fine, he'll pay for his sins when he inevitably goes to Hades.]
It's a shame that you won't be able to meet her. She does love making new friends...
[FREED FROM THE THEY/THEM PRISON JUST IN TIME FOR PRIDE MONTH TO END.]
It is. [Good surprises, not bad ones. No more bad surprises. But with that, given how emotionally wrung out he is after wholeass killing a man:] Please finish it at your leisure and allow me to collect it when you have the time, if that isn't a trouble.
[If she or any of the others wanted to be like BEGONE MURDER THOT he would also be entirely understanding have a good day.]
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Thank you. [Time to spread this list around yippie. At the question, he just sort of. Hesitates. The elephant in this room just has a tissue on it, not even a baby blanket...]
...I— [Like fifty things rapidly cycle through his brain and yet what he fuckin says is just:] I apologize that you had to see.
[THE HORRIFIC BODY HE CREATED? THREE OF THEM JUST RUNNING OFF IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS GETTING READY TO KILL??]
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You're a lot stronger than you look. No one would have suspected.
[ they will start there. ]
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He's just quiet for a second.]
I wish that this place hadn't taken some from me.
[Then he could have just grabbed Ichiban's head and made it explode like a grape and he wouldn't have had to STAB HIM 500 TIMES WITH AN AXE LIKE A MANIAC (he is a maniac) maybe so......]
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That's a popular opinion. [ unsurprisingly. ] Was it for one of those items?
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For the "Vick's Vaporub".
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[ they seem to be considering this. ]
Why did you go for that one in particular?
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Fortunately he doesn't say this. But not because he recognizes it sounds absolutely insane. Another pause.]
My little sister is sick in a way no one can treat. She's only been kept alive to this point through miracles.
[And murder.]
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well, pesto doesn't. they just blink at that. ]
Oh. How old is she? What's her name?
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Her name is Nadia. She's twelve, this year.
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She must be the luckiest girl in the world, to have an older brother who'd do so much for her.
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...I... would do anything for Nadia, but...
[Maybe she would be better off if she'd been born into a different family.]
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[ they trail off. ]
If I had a brother who would do this to himself for me, I'd be really sad, and probably angry, but I would feel so loved.
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He just closes his eyes at that, hand raising, fingers pressing over his mouth.]
I wouldn't want for her to feel sad or angry. That child has already been through too much.
[This is why he has to keep his serial killing a SECRET. He's never looked at the very glaring disparities in his logic as to why he'd simultaneously want to hide his bloody hands but also thinks he's doing a great job sending people to heaven.]
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[ let nadia tell you fuck you, lucas... ]
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It is... I would never think to take away the feelings she might experience. [He wishes he could protect her from the awful horrible emotions in the way a fussy and overbearing elder sibling would, but given they are freaks from the freak island, he would rather she feel despair if it means she can also feel happiness.]
...Which is why I need to return to her side.
[So he can see her renewed health for himself and then never say anything about any of this!]
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[ aaaaa.
god, this is complicated. lucas, you are crazy, but that seems more complicated to deal with than this. ]
We'll try to get you back to her.
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I believe that. [Even though he has a bad track record of people he chooses to put his trust in.] Thank you.
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[ pesto stans this random child they do not know. ]
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There's a little smile in response to that, though, tired but genuine. He punched a man's heart out for this but it's fine, he'll pay for his sins when he inevitably goes to Hades.]
It's a shame that you won't be able to meet her. She does love making new friends...
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How about I write her a letter, and then when you see her, give it to her! Then it'll be like meeting her.
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Would you? I would love to be able to give something like that to her.
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Mm. It's nice to be able to get some random surprises, every now and then.
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It is. [Good surprises, not bad ones. No more bad surprises. But with that, given how emotionally wrung out he is after wholeass killing a man:] Please finish it at your leisure and allow me to collect it when you have the time, if that isn't a trouble.
[If she or any of the others wanted to be like BEGONE MURDER THOT he would also be entirely understanding have a good day.]
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[ ... ]
Remember to take care of yourself, Lucas.
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[He will not. He will explode spectacularly. BUT!!]
Thank you again for the list, as well. I'll be certain to share it so we'll have a little more to work with. For now, I'll leave you be.