but it's fine. he frowns, but his emotions don't have any particularly upset vibe to them. not anymore, since she's fine ]
It is a torture to be trapped in one's own mind, or to not trust your own actions as yours.
As long as this is what you want, then everyone ought to understand. They can cry it all out in their letters, but you should not have to carry their weight in this specific matter along with yours.
[ his own feelings are calm, neutral as always, but just curious about hers. ]
They will be okay.
[ he says, confidently ]
They will miss you, just as you miss them. That is a natural part of things and building relationships with people. But you can't be expected to hold the entire world together.
[people keep telling her this, over and over, and she believes it on one level. but about half the time, the people who tell her that she can't be expected to hold everything together turn around and desperately need her help in standing up. she doesn't mind - she's never minded, she lives to be helpful, but it is a conflicting message in the end.
but scien hasn't ever been anything but straightforward with her, and so she exhales and just. tries to believe him.]
I got clean, and ate good food, and drank some alcohol that doesn't taste like piss water, and it's - funny, how much that helps. [she says, ruefully.] And my chest doesn't constantly hurt.
[... sheepish feeling.]
I don't think I had very long left. Might have burnt out before I even got the chance to go again.
I know that you were thinking of helping someone else, but you were putting it off for too long.
[ he scolds, but he's not actually irritated in his emotions. he's known all of this about her for so long. as long as it was her choice the whole way through, then he would've accepted it even if it upset him—but only when she wasn't around to see it anymore. ]
You just died yesterday. You have your own shit to work through. [ stop being so blunt ] Take yesterday, today, and maybe the entire week until the weekend off because I know once people start tearing up you're going to start running.
[ HE KNOWS HER!!! but there is still just that combo of exasperation and fondness ]
Just go have fun seeing people you haven't in a while, and when you feel like you want to cry, then cry. You know where to find me if you don't want to be alone.
she does have the feeling of being like, sheepish, sufficiently scolded into caring about herself, but it's nice. to be told that feels good. maybe a guilty pleasure, but good. take a couple of days to just drink, eat, and be merry, until things start collapsing again.]
I am really so glad that I can still talk to you. [she says, laughing just a bit.] You've gotten pretty good at knocking my head into place.
[...]
I think a vacation sounds pretty fucking nice. My monster was kidding around with Daan's monster about it, the other night, but... this is better than whatever the fuck that was.
[ literally go have a vacation you sweet miserable girl you
but the sound of her laugh gets him to ease a little bit. if she's taking the advice, then he's content. he smiles back, small as it is, and the fondness gets stronger ]
There's no monsters here. Just people with flaws, but that's everywhere.
[;; she is having a good time in dedaland so far. vacation real!!
this time she doesn't ask before she hugs him, moving forward to gently lean down and wrap her arms around him. it's a brief hug, but it's so, so appreciative, the affection and warmth in her spilling out. gratitude, too.]
[ oh, hug. there's a small blip of surprise in his emotions, but it's nothing that lingers. he will meet her for that hug easily, returning the embrace while it's there. his own emotions aren't necessarily as strong... but they do come in steady waves. fondness in spades, and a lingering beat of relief. ]
[soothing... she takes it. and when she pulls away, her tail swishes behind her gently, expression fond to match her emotions. she wears them on her sleeve, so often.]
You've got no idea how much you've done for me to thank you for, silly. [hehe] Just being a steady force is enough. I won't forget it.
[it's been nice to have one person who will always pick her up off the ground and tell her she can be a little selfish.]
[ scien is always steady because he's a psychopath. this was originally going to be a joke but it's kind of true. the emotions he feels come few and far between, often more of an observer than someone who has a true opinion on anything or anyone—much less a positive opinion. but he feels positively when he is with her.
so he'll let his hand fall against the back of her neck and pull her down for a soft kiss
did that scare you i hope it did
i mean he does do this but he presses a kiss to her forehead specifically, emotions a little curious. she'd done it to gale and astarion, and he mimics it as if still learning how to show affection to others. perhaps this can be what he learns from her, too ]
Lucky for you, it comes just as easily to me as anything else.
no, in all honesty - she's not exactly sure what he's doing at first, but when she gets the picture, there's a little burst of something sweet and happy. the curiosity clues her in that he's maybe... experimenting. there's something proud in her. if she can teach him how to show his kindness, that'd make her the happiest tiefling in the world.]
Lucky for me.
[she repeats, amused.]
Not much luck for you, I think, since you're stuck with me now. [this is a joke she doesn't hate herself]
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but it's fine. he frowns, but his emotions don't have any particularly upset vibe to them. not anymore, since she's fine ]
It is a torture to be trapped in one's own mind, or to not trust your own actions as yours.
As long as this is what you want, then everyone ought to understand. They can cry it all out in their letters, but you should not have to carry their weight in this specific matter along with yours.
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she's still feeling... guilty, and there's a sadness there that she's trying to keep to herself, but also a crazy amount of relief.]
I think I can help, here. [she says, finally.] They'll be okay. I'm still here.
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They will be okay.
[ he says, confidently ]
They will miss you, just as you miss them. That is a natural part of things and building relationships with people. But you can't be expected to hold the entire world together.
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but scien hasn't ever been anything but straightforward with her, and so she exhales and just. tries to believe him.]
I got clean, and ate good food, and drank some alcohol that doesn't taste like piss water, and it's - funny, how much that helps. [she says, ruefully.] And my chest doesn't constantly hurt.
[... sheepish feeling.]
I don't think I had very long left. Might have burnt out before I even got the chance to go again.
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[ he scolds, but he's not actually irritated in his emotions. he's known all of this about her for so long. as long as it was her choice the whole way through, then he would've accepted it even if it upset him—but only when she wasn't around to see it anymore. ]
Are you familiar with the concept of vacation?
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she huffs. but.]
Yeah, sort of. Like a stay away, somewhere else. [...] Dying is a bit of one of those, as fucked up as that is.
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[ that is partially what he was getting at ]
You just died yesterday. You have your own shit to work through. [ stop being so blunt ] Take yesterday, today, and maybe the entire week until the weekend off because I know once people start tearing up you're going to start running.
[ HE KNOWS HER!!! but there is still just that combo of exasperation and fondness ]
Just go have fun seeing people you haven't in a while, and when you feel like you want to cry, then cry. You know where to find me if you don't want to be alone.
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she does have the feeling of being like, sheepish, sufficiently scolded into caring about herself, but it's nice. to be told that feels good. maybe a guilty pleasure, but good. take a couple of days to just drink, eat, and be merry, until things start collapsing again.]
I am really so glad that I can still talk to you. [she says, laughing just a bit.] You've gotten pretty good at knocking my head into place.
[...]
I think a vacation sounds pretty fucking nice. My monster was kidding around with Daan's monster about it, the other night, but... this is better than whatever the fuck that was.
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but the sound of her laugh gets him to ease a little bit. if she's taking the advice, then he's content. he smiles back, small as it is, and the fondness gets stronger ]
There's no monsters here. Just people with flaws, but that's everywhere.
You've worked hard enough. Rest for a while.
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this time she doesn't ask before she hugs him, moving forward to gently lean down and wrap her arms around him. it's a brief hug, but it's so, so appreciative, the affection and warmth in her spilling out. gratitude, too.]
Thanks, Scien.
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I haven't done anything for you to thank me for.
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You've got no idea how much you've done for me to thank you for, silly. [hehe] Just being a steady force is enough. I won't forget it.
[it's been nice to have one person who will always pick her up off the ground and tell her she can be a little selfish.]
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so he'll let his hand fall against the back of her neck and pull her down for a soft kiss
did that scare you i hope it did
i mean he does do this but he presses a kiss to her forehead specifically, emotions a little curious. she'd done it to gale and astarion, and he mimics it as if still learning how to show affection to others. perhaps this can be what he learns from her, too ]
Lucky for you, it comes just as easily to me as anything else.
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no, in all honesty - she's not exactly sure what he's doing at first, but when she gets the picture, there's a little burst of something sweet and happy. the curiosity clues her in that he's maybe... experimenting. there's something proud in her. if she can teach him how to show his kindness, that'd make her the happiest tiefling in the world.]
Lucky for me.
[she repeats, amused.]
Not much luck for you, I think, since you're stuck with me now. [this is a joke she doesn't hate herself]
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he releases her soon enough afterward, and just laughs ]
Pest Karlach returns....
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Never left!
[cheerfully. she's going to hang out with him for a bit, but i'm going to barge into your house after cyoa exits so you know. look forward to that.]
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