[There is a very still pause, though the tone of their voice stays in its narrow range of apparently disaffected stoicism.]
I thought you might realize that I haven't had a kind word for you this entire conversation. Sorry, to be clear, I don't care about you. I don't want your trust, however practical.
My intentions are to dismantle this cult, and stopping this ritual is only part of that. A means to a larger end. You should think of me the same way.
If I had a gold piece for every time I heard that one. Look, I don't believe the posturing, soldier, but even if it is true, it doesn't matter. You're sticking your neck out for us, so I'll look after you, too.
Really? [she guesses she is not that surprised.] You're all a bunch of stubborn fucks in masks, but under that, you're people. You deserve that just as much as anybody else here.
[shrug.]
I want to care. It's all I've got anymore. Other than my muscles.
I didn't say you were entirely right, either. [Flatly. If they had something to (gently) flick at her, they would.] Despite how much you don't believe me, I'll eventually start resenting your kindness. We may as well avoid that.
they drum their fingers lightly against the table. ]
...How should I explain it to someone like you. [ someone who is nice. ] Imagine a dog. It lives its life at the end of a chain, and is beaten often, for no reason. It's fed, but only when it scares away intruders. A reward for service.
Do you think it would appreciate when someone tries to pet it?
It wouldn't know how to appreciate it. [she says, chin in her palm, elbow on the table.] But that's not a hopeless situation. That dog can learn, if you're patient.
Came out from all the suffering wanting better, hm? Newfound appreciation for life or such?
[ while one of their eyes is covered either way, at least one does close underneath their mask. ]
...I spoke with another one of you about this. How you learn the fastest and most efficiently when something drastic happens. [ trauma ] It would be better, if all these growth and realization happened slowly. At your own pace.
[to the first part. she watches them for a moment, tail swishing.]
I wish it was that way too. [genuinely.] it'd be so much better if we could just take life as it comes. But sometimes you get kidnapped by a cult, I guess.
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Presumably, yes, we are working to avoid the worst outcome. But it does feel stupid to hear you say so. You don't know anything about my intentions.
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[nice try]
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I just called you stupid and you want to hear why I'm here.
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I thought you might realize that I haven't had a kind word for you this entire conversation. Sorry, to be clear, I don't care about you. I don't want your trust, however practical.
My intentions are to dismantle this cult, and stopping this ritual is only part of that. A means to a larger end. You should think of me the same way.
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Hah. No.
[OKAY]
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No, they are calm. They're chill about this.]
You are very annoying.
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If I had a gold piece for every time I heard that one. Look, I don't believe the posturing, soldier, but even if it is true, it doesn't matter. You're sticking your neck out for us, so I'll look after you, too.
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They click their tongue before they slip into sounding tired again.]
I've had people insist on good faith, but you're the first to go so far as to say you'd watch our backs.
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Really? [she guesses she is not that surprised.] You're all a bunch of stubborn fucks in masks, but under that, you're people. You deserve that just as much as anybody else here.
[shrug.]
I want to care. It's all I've got anymore. Other than my muscles.
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[The fight is well drained out of their words though as they sigh.]
I don't think it's wrong to care, broadly speaking.
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I can focus on multiple things. [headtilt.] You just don't want to get attached to us in case we end up dying.
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You think you have me all figured out, do you? What cheek. Yes, I would regret getting too involved with any of you. It isn't just that.
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Well, you didn't say I was wrong, so! [heehee.] What else is it?
[asks all the nosy questions]
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I didn't say you were entirely right, either. [Flatly. If they had something to (gently) flick at her, they would.] Despite how much you don't believe me, I'll eventually start resenting your kindness. We may as well avoid that.
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What's that even supposed to mean, resenting my kindness? I'm treating you like a person. That's not going to stop.
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they drum their fingers lightly against the table. ]
...How should I explain it to someone like you. [ someone who is nice. ] Imagine a dog. It lives its life at the end of a chain, and is beaten often, for no reason. It's fed, but only when it scares away intruders. A reward for service.
Do you think it would appreciate when someone tries to pet it?
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It wouldn't know how to appreciate it. [she says, chin in her palm, elbow on the table.] But that's not a hopeless situation. That dog can learn, if you're patient.
Takes a while, but it can be done.
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not even their posture is casual, mostly upright as they scoff, very softly. ]
After biting very many hands, maybe. Wishful thinking either way. But you seem full of that. [ wishing for better. ]
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I'm full of a lot of things. [she says, with a laugh.] I don't know, wishful thinking is just hope.
You can't beat it out of me. It won't go.
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...Well, that's excellent for you. It doesn't always come back once it's gone.
[ like trying to stoke a flame from ash, when the pyre's long snuffed out. ] You're strong.
[ the words are complimentary but the tone is still tired. ]
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It can, though. It's not impossible. [stubborn!!!]
Thanks, though. Didn't go through ten years of literal Hell to be a mopey shit.
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Came out from all the suffering wanting better, hm? Newfound appreciation for life or such?
[ while one of their eyes is covered either way, at least one does close underneath their mask. ]
...I spoke with another one of you about this. How you learn the fastest and most efficiently when something drastic happens. [ trauma ] It would be better, if all these growth and realization happened slowly. At your own pace.
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[to the first part. she watches them for a moment, tail swishing.]
I wish it was that way too. [genuinely.] it'd be so much better if we could just take life as it comes. But sometimes you get kidnapped by a cult, I guess.