[ he will do so! despite his general Doing The Most personality, rondo is very careful about doing this - he tries to recall to mind the motions alfyn did when he was making medicines last week, and begins to grind the herbs up properly. ]
Now, you don't know that. [ there's a little chuckle as he says it - still warm in his emotions, though now more focused. ] Nobody usually reveals all their cards after a week of just meeting someone, right?
[ that gets a laugh out of rondo - this place has made it really, really hard to hide anything, actually? from fears on your skin to emotionshare to memshare - as he continues to grind the herbs. ]
But, I don't tell people everything that's happened to me when we've first met... that seems like it wouldn't make you many friends.
[ anyway IF YOU INSIST wow what a great time for a memshare to happen! ]
[ this week fucking sucks actually. memory share is always disorienting and unwelcome, but trying to keep his emotions in check at the same time is impossible. he feels the sting of betrayal, the scorch of fire, the hope of a promised family member waiting back home; he feels his heart fill with a bold, blue emotion and resolve that isn't his, and is then left just as abruptly in the cold and empty reality of this rainy room without them.
feeling and experiencing so much all at once is a nightmare, and he looks a little lightheaded because his constitution is pathetic, resting an arm against his desk and collecting himself with a shallow exhale. he cycles through confusion and another weird medley of furious feelings as he looks for words. ]
[ rondo's seen this memory play out many times, now. it's a better one than some of his others - despite the pain the flame and aelfric both put him through, it is a memory that ended relatively happily, if it weren't for the circumstances of what came after. by the time it's over, he's stopped grinding the herbs, and one hand, almost reflexively, comes up to his heart.
... but, there's no flame there. it's just cold, and dark, and he pulls his hand back away, ready to answer questions and immediately looking concerned with a, ] Nehan -! [ - but nehan's initial response completely stuns him. ]
... What? [ surprise, and - shock? did he misunderstand that? disbelief is the strongest emotion, suddenly, underlaid with a little confusion, and... something tentatively touched. ]
[ he waves his hand as he tries to wave off... all those emotions. that's too many feelings to get in retaliation. he collects himself soon after, despite everything. he forgets how the flames felt in his hands. ]
...It's nothing.
[ a moment of weakness on his part. he casts out some other thought quickly, moving on. ]
I should've known you're another doting older brother. [ like fucking lucas. ]
[ im sorry to nehan specifically for the emotional flavorblasting of emotion week. it is unfortunately, too late for him though, and rondo does follow him into the new line of conversation - ]
...yes, of course. My sister is precious to me. [ it's so funny that he and lucas have an extraordinary amount of stupid things in common including that they are both giant siscons it's fine.
there's a beat of silence, and then. ]
... Do... [ ... and something small, hopeful ] ...Do you really think so?
[ this WOBBLY EYED ICON my god. anyway he looks exasperated—these fucking siscons—but then rondo just drags him right back into the little stumble he'd made earlier.
but after a moment, he just sighs and resigns himself to answering, rather than circling the subject all over again. ]
...Sure. Why wouldn't you be?
[ resolve, kindness, the willingness not to do harm for anyone's sake, especially not your own. maybe it's naive, but it's certainly not weak, he thinks. it's so simple to break down, to stop caring. a good person can be pushed to terrible things, and that emotional strength is the only barrier in their way, sometimes. maybe there are times where hurt and betrayal are the 'best' answers, but he doesn't consider callousness a form of power. ]
Who measures strength in how easy it is to hurt people?
well. rondo can think of about a thousand reasons, actually. there's the aftermath, of this memory, what doesn't get shown - the way sazantos ripped the flame out of him barely a week after he'd gotten it. or, there's last thursday, where he had the chance to stop karlach's suffering, if he had only been strong enough, and instead he ended up a corpse, speared with his own sword. this is something that he struggles with - the thought of being anything close to strong feels like it's fluttering out of his hands every time he grabs it.
so... maybe nehan doesn't realize it - or, maybe he does? he can probably feel how rondo's emotions soften into something tiny and touched, a vulnerable ache of recognition, as he opens his mouth and closes it, and tries to decide on something to say.
he lets out a soft laugh, though, and swallows, hard. ]
...Not Aelfric, at least. [ quietly: ] ...thank you.
If I hadn't experienced these events myself, I'm not sure that I would have believed that they happened.
[ he reaches to take the mortar and pestle back, if only to have something to do other than transmit feelings back and forth. he does pick up on the moment of vulnerability, though it's uncomfortable for him to comment on. maybe it's better not to, anyway. the emotion here is understanding, quiet and unobtrusive, like it's cautious. feeling weak is something he can relate to, at least. ]
...It's all a bit larger than life.
[ but he is also from a squeenix published property, so he knows how absurd things can get. ]
I understand the point of it, but it does seem a cruel trial.
[ FUCKING SQUARE ENIX truly every time. square enix stop doing light and dark motifs challenge level impossible.
he rubs at his face a little, and lets nehan take the mortar and pestle. ]
The gods are not merciful. [ to say the very least. rondo settles again, finally, taking in a deep breath as he lets that reaction stay with him, tries to hold it close to his chest. strong. ] But... there is kindness there, too.
[ kindness, in strength of will. kindness is what lit rondo's pure blue, azure flame, and though it has since been stolen from him, the kindness still remains.
he's quiet, for a moment longer - hand dropping away from his face, to his heart, voice softening. ]
I miss it terribly, in truth. [ the flame and its warmth. ] To have that space immediately filled with the monster was a heavy weight.
[ the powers that be are usually full of indifference, or at least unable to stop The Atrocities. otherwise, would they have given rondo something so wonderful after so much effort, only to take it away?
nehan is not a big believer in the inherent kindness of the world, but he just busies himself with pouring the ground medicine into a little container, delicately handled. ]
Well, the monster is gone now too.
[ so that's something. ]
Guess you'll have to find something else to fill the gap.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Now, you don't know that. [ there's a little chuckle as he says it - still warm in his emotions, though now more focused. ] Nobody usually reveals all their cards after a week of just meeting someone, right?
no subject
Not even you?
[ he seems like a pretty open book. also hit me with a memshare sometime sisi i will not be coy in w5 ]
no subject
[ that gets a laugh out of rondo - this place has made it really, really hard to hide anything, actually? from fears on your skin to emotionshare to memshare - as he continues to grind the herbs. ]
But, I don't tell people everything that's happened to me when we've first met... that seems like it wouldn't make you many friends.
[ anyway IF YOU INSIST wow what a great time for a memshare to happen! ]
no subject
feeling and experiencing so much all at once is a nightmare, and he looks a little lightheaded because his constitution is pathetic, resting an arm against his desk and collecting himself with a shallow exhale. he cycles through confusion and another weird medley of furious feelings as he looks for words. ]
...Strong. [ he's strong. ]
no subject
... but, there's no flame there. it's just cold, and dark, and he pulls his hand back away, ready to answer questions and immediately looking concerned with a, ] Nehan -! [ - but nehan's initial response completely stuns him. ]
... What? [ surprise, and - shock? did he misunderstand that? disbelief is the strongest emotion, suddenly, underlaid with a little confusion, and... something tentatively touched. ]
no subject
...It's nothing.
[ a moment of weakness on his part. he casts out some other thought quickly, moving on. ]
I should've known you're another doting older brother. [ like fucking lucas. ]
no subject
...yes, of course. My sister is precious to me. [ it's so funny that he and lucas have an extraordinary amount of stupid things in common including that they are both giant siscons it's fine.
there's a beat of silence, and then. ]
... Do... [ ... and something small, hopeful ] ...Do you really think so?
[ the first word of his mouth was strong. ]
no subject
but after a moment, he just sighs and resigns himself to answering, rather than circling the subject all over again. ]
...Sure. Why wouldn't you be?
[ resolve, kindness, the willingness not to do harm for anyone's sake, especially not your own. maybe it's naive, but it's certainly not weak, he thinks. it's so simple to break down, to stop caring. a good person can be pushed to terrible things, and that emotional strength is the only barrier in their way, sometimes. maybe there are times where hurt and betrayal are the 'best' answers, but he doesn't consider callousness a form of power. ]
Who measures strength in how easy it is to hurt people?
no subject
why wouldn't you be?
well. rondo can think of about a thousand reasons, actually. there's the aftermath, of this memory, what doesn't get shown - the way sazantos ripped the flame out of him barely a week after he'd gotten it. or, there's last thursday, where he had the chance to stop karlach's suffering, if he had only been strong enough, and instead he ended up a corpse, speared with his own sword. this is something that he struggles with - the thought of being anything close to strong feels like it's fluttering out of his hands every time he grabs it.
so... maybe nehan doesn't realize it - or, maybe he does? he can probably feel how rondo's emotions soften into something tiny and touched, a vulnerable ache of recognition, as he opens his mouth and closes it, and tries to decide on something to say.
he lets out a soft laugh, though, and swallows, hard. ]
...Not Aelfric, at least. [ quietly: ] ...thank you.
If I hadn't experienced these events myself, I'm not sure that I would have believed that they happened.
no subject
...It's all a bit larger than life.
[ but he is also from a squeenix published property, so he knows how absurd things can get. ]
I understand the point of it, but it does seem a cruel trial.
no subject
he rubs at his face a little, and lets nehan take the mortar and pestle. ]
The gods are not merciful. [ to say the very least. rondo settles again, finally, taking in a deep breath as he lets that reaction stay with him, tries to hold it close to his chest. strong. ] But... there is kindness there, too.
[ kindness, in strength of will. kindness is what lit rondo's pure blue, azure flame, and though it has since been stolen from him, the kindness still remains.
he's quiet, for a moment longer - hand dropping away from his face, to his heart, voice softening. ]
I miss it terribly, in truth. [ the flame and its warmth. ] To have that space immediately filled with the monster was a heavy weight.
no subject
nehan is not a big believer in the inherent kindness of the world, but he just busies himself with pouring the ground medicine into a little container, delicately handled. ]
Well, the monster is gone now too.
[ so that's something. ]
Guess you'll have to find something else to fill the gap.